To the narcissistic ex

Dear you

I now hate you. I never thought this would happen but I should have known that you were a narcissistic sociopath with total disregard for others feelings and disrespectful to women when I heard you cuss your own mom out. I'm now to the point where your words and blows don't hurt anymore. I keep wondering why I'm not completely destroyed yet and honestly I can't seem to find an answer. I've been teased, put down, and abused many times over in my life and now you're just like them. You seem to think that you made me, that I can't live without you and that I need you when the reality is that every time you leave I get happy and it feels wonderful. I don't know how long I can keep putting up with you and your shit. I'm contemplating hitting you on the head with a frying pan because I'm honestly tired of you constantly threatening to kick me out in the street. Remember when you threw me and all my belongings out in the snow last winter? Remember when you made me sleep on the floor and poured ice cold water on me? Do you remember when you whipped me with a belt and I had bruises on my leg for a month? You never apologized because I made you do those things. For the record I never believed that. You're an adult fully capable of your actions. What you don't realize is that once you abused and pushed me away, I realized how happy I was without you. I have everything I want in life and it's because of me, not you. You want to take responsibility for my success so bad but I won't let you have it. I really hope that you find someone who is willing to put up with you because the clock is ticking... You're already 42 and I'm only 30. Not like age matters, but you've had 3 girlfriends since me and none of them lasted for more than 3 months when i gave you 5 years. In the beginning I used to cry a lot. Your insults and words would hurt my already fragile mind. Back then I was severely depressed and not medicated. I had no control over my emotions. As I got better I became mentally stronger. Your insults were met with quick and biting sarcastic remarks. Soon you became the victim. The abused and hurt one, the one that needed space and was threaten and unsafe around me. The thought itself made me laugh. When had I ever choked you, threw you to the floor and tossed you out In the snow with no clothes on. When had I to,d you that you couldn't please me sexually, that you were unattractive and I didn't give you enough attention? When had I ever called you a stupid bitch in front of people? When had I ever made you get out of the car and walk back home? When had I ever taken your last dollar and remained ungrateful? You had hurt me with your words but as time passed the tears stopped. They stopped because I stopped caring... I made new friends and met new guys and had more fun, then I fell In love with someone who wasn't you. He showed me what a real man was.. God I love Shelby.. He's the gentleman you never could be. He's beautiful both inside and out. He's sexy with his caramel skin and the way he makes me feel.. You could never do that dear..you never could make me happy