The Not-so-Sweet Sweethearts

Who ate all the chocolates?”

“Probably the PE teachers. Hypocrites.”

“After today, I could use some chocolate.”

“Didn't you have enough today?”

“Nah, I never touch the stuff the kids bring to class. The good stuff usually ends up here in the staff room.”

“I hate Valentine's Day, you know? You sneeze sugar and glitter for a whole week.”

“Tell me about it! That's why I stopped teaching Kindergarten. Fifth grade, I can ban glitter.”

“Wish I could ban glitter. That stuff is evil.”

“Hey, I've been dying to talk to you all day, and not about glitter. Did you hear about what happened to the first grade team?”

“You mean, the Pinterest twins?”

“Oh, gawd, you are so evil!”

“You're upper grades now. You don't have to sit in team meetings with them anymore.”

“And I'm thankful for that small favor. Anyhow, you're going to love this!”

“Someone farted on their gluten-free cupcakes?”

“Gross! No! You mean, you really haven't heard?”

“Nope. I didn't make it to lunch, which is why I'm in here now with my tuna salad.”

“Oh man. Did you miss it!”

“Miss what, exactly?”

“They got those sweetheart candies for the kids. You know, the gross, chalky hearts that taste like medicine and have messages like 'Be Mine” and “U R Sweet' printed on them?”

“So?”

“So, they went to the party store over on Lawrence to get them.”

“And? We all go there. It's cheap.”

“Yeah, and where did Susan and I shop for Edie's bridal shower?”

“Same store. I still don't get it.”

“Think a minute about their adult candy section.”

“They sell joke candies that are a little risqué. 'S&Ms' instead of 'M&Ms.' You got those dirty fortune cookies for the shower there. And?”

“And, our dynamic duo grabbed their sweethearts from the wrong bin.”

“You are so kidding me!”

“Nope. They've been in Steve's office all afternoon, trying to justify why their kids were getting sweethearts that said, 'Do Me' and 'I Lick U.'”

“Oh, no! How bad is it?”

“You ever have any of the Jenkins kids?”

“I dodged that bullet, thankfully. That woman is insane. Wait, you don't mean...”

“Yup. Mrs. Jenkins was the head room mom for this party!”

“Oh, man. That is bad!”

“I hear they had to call for the union rep.”

“I bet carpool is going to be fun this afternoon.”

“And I bet there's going to be any opening or two in first grade.”

“That means you could come back down to lower grades! We could mock the lead teachers in group meetings, just like old times.”

“And deal with glitter AND Mrs. Jenkins? Are you nuts?”


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