Koalas: Hippies of the Animal Kingdom

"You wouldn't want this cute animal to be driven into extinction by allowing people to cut down all their Eucalyptus trees, do you?" The man said holding a stuffed koala bear toy that would be the thank-you gift for donating. I love trees and animals and water and air...I am a non-hippy level environmentalist. But, this guy...

"I wasn't aware koalas were endangered." I threw out as I filled in a check for a donation.

"Well, no, NOT yet."

My shoulders straightened, and I took a step back. "Are you threatening koalas?"

"No!" He threw both hands in front of him palms facing me and moving them in and out in a calm-down kind of way. I hate that. "I just meant that koalas need these trees! Eucalyptus is all they eat, you know. We let these trees get chopped and bye-bye koalas. What do you think will happen if we let these trees get cut?" Now his voice was taunting bordering on condescending.

I am short and female so I'm used to that sort of attitude. What do I think will happen--all right, I'll tell you.
"Mass rehab."

"What?!" He pretended to cover the fake koala's ears.

I did not laugh." Rehab."

"Okay, little lady, are you just here to kid around? This is a serious matter." His shoulders straightened, he took a step back, dropping the thank-you-koala back into the pile.

“No, sir,” I placed my arms in front of me with palms facing him and moving them back then forward again to do the 'calm down' motion. "I think this is a serious issue, too.” I then explained how koalas cannot just digest eucalyptus. “It’s poisonous to them—much like it is to humans.”

His incredulous look slowly turned into an expression of disgust as I gave him the poop scoop on koalas."Eucalyptus gets them high."

Koalas eat it all night long while hanging on the trees with their sharp talon-like claws ensuring they stay on a chosen branch. Yep, koalas are the hippies of the animal kingdom.

“Like a drug? I thought you said it was poisonous and it is all they eat! See how this doesn’t make sense?” Now he crossed his arms and stared down at me. “If it’s poisonous, how do they consume it and not die?”

“Poop,”
I rushed on to curtail getting verbally chastised for joking around. “The koala moms fed them poop while they were each just a koala baby.”

Yeah, gross. This not the symbol of parenting that Koala changing tables in (ironically) public bathrooms portray.

“Bacteria in the poop allows for digestion of Eucalyptus so the family can hang onto their tree “dealer” while chomping their drug.”

The cute looking, cough-drop smelling animals do only eat Eucalyptus which is why they are named koala which means “no water.” The moisture from the leaves is all the hydration they get. Koalas get enough water this way to urinate but not enough to produce breast milk for their young. So the offspring are fed feces so they can join in on stoning out.

“Speaking of urine. They have no bladder control and so pee is often running down the fur on their legs." At this point, tree-dude was just shaking his head.

“Why? I mean why?” He edged away from the stuffed koala bear dolls.

I explained. They generally have Chlamydia that they spread among each other by the only other thing they really make any effort to do: have sex.

I did the palm-calm-down-thing again. “But don’t you worry; they aren’t endangered because of Chlamydia -- veterinarians are working on koala vaccines.”

“OKAY,” he released an exasperated sigh. “So i}you won’t donate{{/i} because the koalas need to lose their addiction which is why you want the trees to come down?”

“Nope, koala addiction is not my problem,” I ripped the check out and handed it over. “Save the trees because we need trees. Plus the eucalyptus is used in allot of cold/flu medication. Save the trees for the humans.”

He chuckled, thanked me for the donation, and tentatively offered me one of the koala toys.
I took it. “They are cute,” I winked.