The Old Tree

The Challenge:  Write a short story from the point-of-view of an inanimate object

During the still of the night I dimly recall a better time; I have faint recollections of fresh air, warm sunlight, crisp breezes, and moon light.  But sometimes now I am terribly unsure.  You see, it's been so long ago that I truly experienced such lovely phenomena.

What I am sure about is that I have no fondness for my present existence. For one thing I’m constantly indoors, no more light and fresh air or breezes of any sort; for another, I am often abused and frequently under tremendous stress for long periods of time. Neither of which is any of my doing. Of course not!  My current state couldn’t possibly be my fault. You see, for the longest time I have existed as a bar stool, not just any bar stool, I happen to serve as Norm’s favorite bar stool in an establishment called, of all things, “Cheers.” Every night the same thing happens, I hear the bartenders bellow out, “Naawwmm!” This like a warning siren sounding off and alerting me and I have an impending sense of doom.  There is no protection for me, I cannot run. I cannot hide.  I am cursed nightly when this incredibly fat dude waddles over to the far right side of the bar and plops his immense bottom right on top of me!  Oh, the agony! He doesn’t simply sit. He doesn’t ease his bulk onto me. Oh no, to do that he’d have to exhibit some manner of self control which clearly, he does not possess. He plops down and calls for his first of many beers of the night. Oh my word, it seems such a long night too. Sometimes I feel as though I’m just might split right down the middle and plop HIS fat arse on the floor!

This has been my existence, at least as far as I can recall, for the last eleven (far too long) years. Sometimes it seems as though it has been this way forever. The nightly stress of having to support that behemoth is taking its toll on me. Truth be told, it would stressful even if he perched on two bar stools, the one beside me, 2nd one in from the end, and me; my spot is on the end, and sadly, I’m Norm’s nightly choice. Why ME?  He probably picks me because his hefty bulk couldn’t be contained at an inside seat; but at least he could demonstrate some semblance of comprehension of his girth. Sometimes I find myself wishing the lovely Diane had selected me as her chosen seat. Sadly, Nawm had his dibs in first, and I'm stuck with my sad lot, ah well. Fortunately, Diane, Frasier and Lilith and a few others are around to break up the monotonous and endless blather from Nawm, Sam, Coach(RIP,) Woody, Cliff and most of the other regulars. Yes, they could be amusing at times but amusing only goes so far when you’re under a ton of stress.

Well, time for an update. I just heard something that sounds suspiciously like a voice from the past. Yes, it is! The unmistakable sound of Archie’s ”terlet,” and coming from a place not far from where I am at the moment; I believe I can see Archie’s and Edith’s comfy chairs from the set of All In The Family. Well, glory be! It looks as though the “Cheers” set has been moved to the prestigious Smithsonian Museum of American History in the District of Columbia. And now, I don’t have to exist in fear of the mammoth ass hovering above and landing with its colossal plop. Good thing too, I don’t know how much more of that I could have taken.