Satire, Gun Control

New Gun Control Law Has North Carolina Citizens Up In Arms

Residents of many rural counties in the well-known conservative state of North Carolina are appalled by new, safer gun control regulations recently put into place by the local government. As of 12:37 in the morning, Governor Pat McCrory has officially banned the use and distribution of all military grade equipment including tanks, fighter jets, high power machine guns, and grenade launchers to the general public.
“I believe this new gun law my advisors have wisely advised me to put into action will provide a safer, bullet-hole free land for our children to target practice on.” The governor spoke about the action he had taken. Actually, we’re not really sure exactly what he said because the roar of a large nuclear missile had drowned out his words as it passed right beside our heads. The Governor waved and smiled as it zipped by, its tail pulling a “Vote McCrory” banner behind it. Although this bill has been met with overall positive feedback, emotions run high among others.
“McCrory is taking away our basic human rights! It’s in the constitution, is it not? How am I supposed to hunt deer without my Altay MBT?” Says one citizen opposed to the bill. Yes, how does McCrory expect the people of his state to hunt? To protect their families? The world may never know once these weapons are confiscated and stored in a military warehouse. Some even claim that the new, stricter safety laws are unnecessary.
“We had 15 accidents in the past year, and only 13 of them included the use of our weapons! That is way better than last year, nobody could afford any atomic bombs this hunting season.They should be lowering the prices, not banning them altogether!” A local hunter attempts to apply reason to the situation. Yes, the prices for these items are steep, but the consequences of using them are even steeper. A few locals are turning the blame away from themselves and onto the policies that regulate gun control. Many are claiming that with better regulation laws, the weapons would not end up in the wrong hands.
“I want my machine guns in the hands of my teenager, not some crazy person. Maybe the Governor should focus on that instead of banning them outright.” Says mother of two, Jean Alia.
This raises the question, should regulation offices focus more on controlling who receives these weapons rather than what they receive? The correct answer is hard to determine, but Governor McCrory must peer through the gunfire to see the answer to this debate. Will he stand up and protect his citizens from dangerous weapons, or give in to the fiery personalities that are so well known in the south? Only time will tell.

This is just a shot in the dark, but I’m guessing the latter.