Im just odd, mentally im quite lucid

‎"Im just odd, mentally im quite lucid"

This was a quote from a show I like called Go On, by a character called Mr. K. It hit a note with me, because most people find me odd or weird or funny. Thats how I work, how i live I suppose, its weird but when i have nothing to do i find myself thinking about weird plots like.

I became the Evil Overlord master of all i survey, I Killed the last overlord and created a council in the small town I reign over, because I know the truth to the universe I live in, for every great evil wizard or master a Hero will rise up one who can vanquish him, but any master of Evil can kill any other. So I became the a dark Overlord and all of the people in my realm would treat me as such only in name, I didn’t want to do evil so I became a Figure head of evil because without a hero it was the only way to get rid of prior cruelty. Now I think about it, maybe that’s what politics boils down to, I live on a small piece of land, and when I travel abroad in the lands I have my faithful minion, Toby who ensures my Castle (its called the Overlords Castle but really its a pleasant cottage) is undisturbed, Toby is a good man who knows all I do is mostly for show, he is a kind and just man who collects taxes from all in my small land and fudges the books for those who can’t, I know he does it and he knows I know. As I said he is a good and honest man, he has a family, his charming wife Melisa who occasionally leaves me a sacrifice of the younger flowers of town, (she brews Chartreuse). There is a very important reason for his continued employment he has a young son he’s only 5 now but when I look at him I know in the very essence of my corrupted soul that this child is the Hero destined to one day kill me, on slow days when I can see him from my office window playing in my garden playing hide and seek with his older brother, younger sister and a girl from the town that if I ever became to corrupt and destroyed the lives of the villagers, or built an undead army the rules of fate would work against me and he would rise up to slay me. The cynics might ask, if I know this why don’t I kill him now, why do I play the façade of a stern yet favourite uncle who occasionally runs out into the garden in my dark purple robes waving my staff and threatening to turn them into toads if I catch them to watch the kids run away screaming, I think it’s because I enjoy the fantasy of that more than the reality.

And i think of these snippets of plot, when I’m bored, I think about Loneliness.

I wonder, am I lonely man because I’m bad at meeting people or because I enjoy the indulgencies of being lonely. If i never or at least rarely talk to people I never have to explain my life, my drinking or my utter lack of ambition, the thing that feels like emptiness to the right of my heart, because thats where i feel the emptiness most. It feels like a breath I cant catch, like a hollow little cold spot. When I talk to people and they ask me questions I don’t want to answer and i have to think quickly to fake an answer or think of a smart arse joke, that little space seems to creek and moan, as I have to face myself to find an answer. Have I distanced myself from humanity too much, maybe not to humanity because I am not a monster, at the end of the day I still try not to hurt anyone directly or indirectly. perhaps i try to distance myself through friendship.

Then there are times I wonder If I could be doing something better
Day after day they come the school mums, the ones with kids who treat my Cafe like a toilet, I like doing the rounds around the cafe. I pick up plates and cups and place them in my large black tray plates around the sides with trays to increase the barrier I can use, picking up bags of Finished Food Bought from the super market we work in. BECAUSE FUCK US. I’m serious these are people who brought food from the supermarket to eat in our cafe, which is fine, seriously I’ve done the same the food they sell is pretty good, but they then just place it in a bag and leave it for us to find, under chairs and tables, crusts thrown on the floor, they treat the cafe like a toilet and they expect us to be on our hands and knees to clean up after them at all times. It took me a while to worry that i like to deal more with the crap people leave behind then the people themselves. People will just march to the counter indignant that we made them wait in a cue, as two or three people run about, acting as host, cashier, barista and chef. They’ll bark out their order and look astonished when we ask for specifics such as “would like room for milk”, talking on phones, or thinking of smart arse comments to make to us, I had one gentleman who came in who said to my face “I was disappointed to discover this was a starbucks because I’m boycotting you people” I wanted to either say to him “so hows that going for you” or “so glad that our convenience is more important to you then your convictions” but i have to hold my tongue except for special cases. The special cases being the customers I like the easy going ones, Like Chris who used to work in law enforcement, Gavin who despite some political views I don’t agree with always orders his coffee in a paper cups which he disposes of himself because he doesn’t like making a mess. One customer always come in to read a book and had a medium tea and always laughs when I say and how much caramel did you want in that, its those small moments which make my day go by a little easier.

I worry that if i deal with people too much i will become to hard and cynical but if i isolate myself to much and indulge in my own self pity I’ll just fade.

So on that cheerful note, soon I will have dinner, drink wine and sleep, tomorrow I will go to work and smile till my face goes fry and I hear the bitterness in my voice, a tone I don’t want to recognise as my own, one I can hear in my co-workers, some who think im smart, some who think I’m a moron and most who think I’m insane. Honestly I can deal with them thinking any of these, I just don’t want people to see me as a joke.