Living in Fear

Every day I am constantly reminded of what is at stake. Every new item added to the stash is another reminder. Every lecture about what will happen is another reminder. Every new package delivered to the house is another reminder. I don’t want another reminder. I don’t want to be scared. I just want to forget the whole thing. But I can’t; because I will always be living in fear.
The worst is yet to come. I hear that playing over in my mind every time I see the added supplies, piling up in the basement. I might have to live like this. Never knowing when it will go away and things will go back to normal. The thing is; there is no normal. There never will be. The thought of what could be will always be there. It will never go away. No matter how much I try to make it sound so farfetched, it will always make sense.
Dad told me that we have to prepare for the worst. That by doing this, we will be saving ourselves. But from what? America seems just fine right now, how could it ever change? I ask these questions and all I get are answers that my mind block out. Simple reason being that I don’t want them to be true. I don’t want to have to prepare for the end of the world. But I have to; because I’m a prepper.
Being a prepper has its goods and bads. The good being that you know you will survive. The bad being that you know what you have to survive from. My friends don’t know. Sometimes, in class, they’ll talk about the economic problems that our country is going through. But the thing is, they don’t know what’s coming. They don’t know that it’s going to destroy lives. They talk as if they know about what is coming. They don’t have the slightest clue. But I do. I see them and feel the urge to tell them about what my family is doing, but I can’t. It feels like some big secret that only a few are allowed to know about. Only the ones who meet once every few months with my parents are allowed to know. They talk about how much worse it’s getting and how no one can save us. That’s the part that gets me. No one can save us. Not even if they had thirty trillion dollars and could pay off the debt like that. Because, who has thirty trillion dollars? Not America.