Recovery

I walk around in the darkness. I see what I used to be and I used to do. I looked so pitiful. I’m ashamed of what I was. I go over old memories of painful events. How can life be so cruel? I was care free and happy. Now I’m scared and wounded. My heart has been torn and I am still at odds with myself. God how can you be so cruel? I worshiped you, I loved you! Why do you repay me like this? I start to walk away when I saw something. It was a light hidden in the darkness, a memory. I see myself, alone and in pain. Then I see myself helping out, giving my time to help those in need. I see myself donating my blood and telling my coach “I’d rather save a life than start in a game.” I see myself giving advice to those younger than me. I tell them to be strong and to shine. I smile; maybe there is a reason for all of this. I may have been broken, but now I can build a better me. I will be stronger and loving. I turn and walk to the line that separates the light from the dark. I stand there staring into the darkness. “It’s time to go,” said a girl standing on the light side of the line. I shed a tear and stand there for a few more minutes. I walk over the line and grab her hand. “Your right,” I said “it’s time to move on.” The two of us walk towards the light and disappear in it. Maybe pain is relative. Perhaps pain makes us stronger. In times of great distress it is easy to think of suicide, but pain is only temporary. Don’t take your life. Live through it, talk to someone. I started my writing because I was once suicidal. It’s an outlet for me. Understand that strength can only come through pain. Life may seem horrible, but wait. You’ll see the light like I have. I am still rebuilding because of all of the shit I went through. However, I survived it and now I understand why all of it happened. Never give up hope. That is worse than any pain that you could feel. Hope is what feeds the recovery, so keep it alive. Hope is life, without it nothing matters. Know that people love you. It took me a while to find that out. You may feel alone, broken and even screwed-up. You never truly stand alone. I felt so alone, but I found people who stood with me. I met someone who loves me even after she saw my dark past. Love will always dull the pain. Know that you are precious to someone. You are loved no matter how you feel. Let your wounds heal. Let the recovery begin inside you.