When Death Visits the Classroom

No matter how badly we hope it won't happen, eventually it could; you could suffer the death of a student in your class. And when it happens, as unexpected and unfair as it is, you must be ready to console those children left with you who will need to know that it's okay to grieve, cry, and eventually move on. But how can you deal with the overwhelming feelings you have yourself?

I've had this unwelcome event happen twice now in my four-year teaching career. The first death was not actually one of my students but the elder brother of one of my students, and it came at a time when I wasn't ready to deal with such an incident. But who really is ready for the loss of a young life?

"JD" lost his brother during his 5th grade year and my first year teaching. To be more specific, it was my second month in the classroom. I was full of ideas and ready to change the world. Then I was abruptly reminded that sometimes the world changes you, whether you want it to or not. As expected, JD was never the same after his brother passed away because they were very close. As a matter of fact JD idolized him and loved the ground he walked on. Having to watch him, and his mother, suffer throughout the remainder of the school year was beyond-difficult for me. But I grew confident I would be better prepared if this ever happened again, for experience makes us all wiser.

I was wrong. Three years later, on a beautiful Sunday morning, I found out that one of my students was involved in a fatally tragic accident on his 12th birthday. This news was especially hard to accept as his accidental death was completely preventable. Rumor has it Ray and a couple other boys were "surfing" on top of a moving car when the 19-year-old driver slammed on the brakes. Apparently Ray fell off and was run over, suffering severe head and multiple chest injuries. He died the next morning. And the irony of the accident occurring on his birthday is almost unimaginable.

I discovered this horrible news by reading the newspaper article about the tragic event. Even as I read the words, I could not comprehend them. Suddenly a burst of pain and anguish came over me, and all I could do was run screaming from the room. I screamed so loudly that it woke my sleeping children, who all came down to comfort me. But there was no comfort, for I had lost someone that I loved very dearly. I didn’t realize that I did love him until that moment. I tell my students constantly that I love them and will help them in any way I can, just as many other compassionate elementary school teachers do. And I've always felt that they were very special to me. But just how deep that love is became painfully apparent to me as I read his name in the paper next to those horrible words: died shortly later.

Some people believe that teachers shouldn't allow themselves to have such attachments for students who will be on their way in 10 months. But I think: "How can you NOT love them?" Every child is special. Those are not just words; it's cold, hard fact. Every child has something wonderful to give you, if you just open your heart and take it. Ray was no different. He came to school every day with a smile on his face; he left every afternoon only after telling me goodbye with a twinkle in his eye. He loved to make other kids laugh. He found his niche in our class and was thriving here. He was successful and making goals and meeting them. It is so unfair that at the height of his academic achievements, he was taken from us in such a horrible manner.

Even though, I am so happy that this child, this Ray-Ray, was part of my life. He was my student for only three months, but what an impact he had on me! And I'm left to reflect on how one small child can bring a person such joy when you didn't even know you needed it.

His legacy will remain. He was loved by many younger students as he was pleasant to everyone he knew. He is alive in my heart and in the hearts of the 21 students he left behind in room 113 that must now face the rest of the long year without their friend. They must look at his empty chair and remember his beautiful smile. Hopefully they will keep his spirit alive within themselves and always remember their classmate.

I will do what I must; I'll assure them that they will move on. They should take time to remember their friend. I'll remind them as often as needed that it's okay to cry, for we all are hurting right now. We must still talk about him for he was important to all of us, and to forget him would be the wrong thing to do.

Fortunately my school is a phenomenal place; our family is close and will "circle our wagons" to ensure we do all that can be done for our students and Ray's family. He will be memorialized and remembered fondly as long as I have a hand in it.

As teachers, we are faced with many challenges each and every day, but none can compare with the influence we have over those children who look to us for guidance, with love in their eyes. Even when we feel like digging a hole and crawling into it, we must be strong. We must always remember that we influence the lives of children every single day we come to work. And, believe it or not, they impact our lives as well. Tread lightly and take time to enjoy what each student brings you, for you never know if it will be the last "gift" he offers.