Do you love me, or just need me?

Someone once asked: “ Why do you like a person?”

I could only give reasons to ‘why do you NOT like a person’, and not the other way around.



To like a person, it is a feeling.

To hate a person, it is a fact.



Facts can be easily explained, but feelings cannot.

Love is when one felt his heart skipped a beat, when one wants to be close to someone, when one feels like snuggling someone. Anything after, for better or worse, he would never think of why he loved that someone in the first place.



Famous social psychologist Erich Fromm once said: “Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.’ ”



To determine a love to be mature or not, one has to put his actions and expressions to the test.



If a love is based on ‘needs’ (e.g. I need you for company and consolation because I am lonely), this kind of love can never be true love, but only a condition that one sets and naming it as love.



This kind of ‘love’ can be easily be distinguished, and that is when all his needs are satisfied (e.g. Because of her company and consolation, he will never feel lonely again.), he will then feel cold, frustrated toward the things you do and that your presence is nothing but of excess.



So, just when your lover calls you on the phone, telling you that the days are agonizing and that he could neither eat nor sleep just because you are not beside him, you ought to be happy. But all else being said, he might just need you to help him cook or help drown out his sorrows and loneliness. That, he just needs you, how can it be love?



That true love is always the freedom of giving unconditionally. Love based on needs; it can only just be deemed as an invitation: “He needs a person to share with him the feeling of love, and that’s why he invited you into it.”



When you graciously turn down his invitation or even just about pondering your decisions, he will respect whatever you decided on, and will not forcibly have it his way, making you agree to it.



Why?

It is because he does not feel that he will need your support only in times of his needs. But being independent and strong that he is, he is willing to invite you in his life to share with him his ups and downs.



Hence, we deem the first rule of love: Freedom.



This means that your contributions have to come willingly, and should never come with any other motives. This means that you respect each other’s characters and personalities, and will not ask for more in the name of love.



Together with the expectations, the requirements and the pressure that come with the desire that we long for.

Love should be a sweet and happy experience, and not the responsibilities that we push onto each other...

But many that got together always start out as claimed to be ‘unselfish happiness’ and almost always ended with heavy responsibilities and expectations placed upon them through selfish reasons.



Couples will always want to make use of the each other’s constraints to ensure the safety of self, but will only come to realize the trouble it brings…

To be able to let free of someone you love completely, who would not want that?

But things are always easier said than done. When shit happens, it is never easy.



It is only when we do not love that person anymore will we then find reasons why. This is when we become picky. We all know it is always easy to pick on someone if you really mean to.



Imagine when we want to buy a shirt, even though there is a little flaw in it. Complain about it for a while, let bygone be bygone. Just because it is the only one left, you love it; the flaw can always be overlooked.



Assuming we have no intentions of buying it, that little flaw will be the lethal blow. We will always try all ways to dig out all other flaws it might have. The quality of the fabric, colors are too bright, etc... Ascertain to the cashier that we are not just shopping, but we heavily consider each and every small detail.



Breaking up can bring up lots of reasons, but being together can have only one.

That reason is: ‘we do not need a reason’.



Fruit for thoughts:

Someone once mentioned:

“A couple together just because they want to have fun, we call it a ‘need’. But just when in any event that the fun has turned out not to be so, we have termed it ‘love’. “



What do you think?