Teh Story

Teh Story

Becca ran down the road as fast as her little chubby feet could carry her. She was screaming loudly as she went," Arghhhhhh! Me mateys there be a snail named Tony after me fishnet hose".

She even stopped and showed the lovely fishnets to a group of mushrooms, but sadly they didn't care they only wanted to dance to the rhythmic sound of Jamaican music, they twisted on their little stalks and bowed low as they boomed out lyrics of Bob Marley.

"Blast ye all I should make ye all walk the plank, Arrrr If I had one", she bellowed as she ran on faster then before.

On her way down the road she passed a snake swimming in a pond. She stopped dead in her tracks and watched lustfully as the snake slid through the water and glided in and out of the rippling waves. The snake rolled around in the water and the evening sun glistened off its slick long body. Becca said to no one other than herself, "Scurvy little crabs Harry the ripper, I be thinking lusty thoughts about that long black snake".

She blushed as Harry the Ripper walked from her bra onto her shoulder and snapped her ear before rejoining with her breasts, causing much pain and not the kind that Becca liked. She walked to the waters edge, Yo Ho there ye land lubber snake I was admiring you from the shore. I be interested in having me a chat with ye".

The snake all blushing like swam to the bank and slithered next to Becca. He was ready to whisper sssssweet nothingssssss in her ear when he flashed his dentured smile at her. Becca in haste took a hearty retreat screaming again.

On her way she passed a group of trees where several mango’s hung fresh and fragrant in the shade of the leaves. They peered and glared menacingly in her direction so she didn't stop she continued on a little further before stopping in front of a waterfall. Sitting down on a nice big boulder she looked about the place for any intruders polite or otherwise. That is when she saw something rather odd. She stood and walked to the waterfall and inspected the oddness she witnessed. It was a rainbow but none like she had ever seen. No in fact this rainbow was Grey trimmed in deep black. She peered up at the awful sight scrunching her nose in distaste before she asked, "What be yer problems you sickly little figment of me sea loving mind"?

The rainbow sighed before it floated down closer to her and then said, " I am very sad, I am so unuseful that I just don't belong anywhere, I mean look at me I am ugly. I admit I tried to cut myself but I only managed to cut away one of the stripes that used to be purple before I gave up. I fail at everything".

Becca gasped "Oh ye scurvy bastard, you're just an EMO". She ran away again from the sad little rainbow.

She ran so fast she didn't want to stop and try to tell anyone her tale of woes and the snail named Tony who wanted to steal her fishnet stockings. She ran past a peacock and she glanced at it as she ran past. The peacock started to yell at her.

"You fucking little whore, where did you get those Goddamn fishnet stockings? Mother fuckers steal my shit all the time".

Becca yelled back, "These be mine ye barnacled bastard, fishnet stocking fer the pirate".

Entering the forest Becca slowed her pace. I mean her chubby Fred Flinstone feet can only go so fast before they need a break. She jogged in and came to a rather large tree. Up in the top she could hear chittering and chattering, then all at once a colony of rabid, green squirrels started to pelt her with nuts and bolts. She listened to them screaming about "her" how "her had never left them any nuts. "Her" was so mean she kicked them out of the nest before their eyes were opened. "Her" beat them daily, and "Her" is going to get it as they threw more larger nuts and bolts at Becca. She threw her arms above her head and ran a little faster a bit bruised and very angry.

"Davy Jones locker would be a far less punishment than this be", she said.

A lightening storm had rolled in quickly and animals scurried and ran for cover. She found a cave and waited in it while she watched them all heading for their own cover. And wouldn't you know it she saw a sight so strange that even her own mind couldn't comprehend it to it's full extent. A midget giraffe.

He stopped and looked at Becca then asked, "What are you looking at? You are staring at me and you're the one who thinks she's a fucking pirate"?

Becca quietly backed a little farther into the cave to escape the giraffe's badgering. Once inside she thought "Blimey I must have me some light, I'll build me a fire to see by".

Upon lighting the fire with much effort she saw a crowd of bats. "Ahoy there", she barked.

One little bat looked out from its wings and said, " Oh great I fink its talkin to us".

"Don't fink and don't stare at it, its just going to want us to feed it", another bat said.

"Shoo there then, Go on wiff ya's we don't need the likes of you 'anging round our cave", another said.

Becca wasn't about to leave until yet another weirder sight came strolling in as if it owned the place. A buff cupcake walked up to the fire and behind him trailed the midget giraffe. They took seats around the fire and looked at Becca.

The bats all conversed with one another, "Oh look now then its brought its mates in 'ere. Well lets just 'ave a paty (party) then shall we. Oh yes lets all just 'ave a paty. With that the bats flew from the ceiling and circled the cave in a rage.

Becca stood up dusted off her little pirate pants and backed out of the cave. When she reached the entrance she ran all the way home. When she got home she ran to her room and jumped into bed. She stared out her window thinking about her awful day, she thought that talk like a pirate day would have been much more fun than this.

That’s when she saw two stars that talked back and forth complaining about the night. One said to the other, "I wish that damned old moon would stop glowing so bright it hurts my eyes. The other said, Hes a full moon tonight he isn't that bright you old fart. Who you calling old fart I am fifteen thousand years younger than you. Oh yeah that's right lets start the name calling. Yeah lets begin you old dust ball.....

Becca rolled over faced her wall and prayed the night was over. That's when she heard from outside her window a llama talking.

He said, " Thats it I will make a bomb and blow it up hehehehe. Then I will go and set off all the nuclear weapons and watch it burnnnnn hehehehe. I will destroy the world. I have plans that I will take over the world like every other night hehehe.....

Becca walked out of her room walked up the drive way and through her aunts back door. Down the hall way and in her aunts room. She stood over her aunts sleeping body and in a fit of rage she reached out and grabbed her hair jerking it back and forth up and down side to side. When her aunt threatened her she turned her head go and walked back down the hall out the back door and down the drive way back into her bed room and tried to fall fast asleep.

"I can get Tony the snail to help me destroy the world, Oh man that right poor poor Tony died", he said and Becca slapped her head and fell back into her pillow.

THE END