Plans

Plans

by

Brett McKean



CHARACTERS


BEN                    Male, white, administrative assistant, negative/critical disposition, mid to late twenties

ADAM                    Male, musician, tutor, barista, mid to late twenties

KALE                    Female, healthcare administration, intellectual, blunt, mid to late twenties

MAR                    Female, hippie, likes to laugh, mid to late twenties





SETTING

Minneapolis, MN

TIME
A Friday evening, the present.

ACT I
Scene 1                               A living room with couches chairs and a coffee table.  Beers/drinks/mixers          are on the table.  All characters have cell phones out.


                   
                   ACT I
                   SCENE 1

         
                   ADAM
         (walking in and sitting down.  The other characters are already seated)
Okay people, we have to leave in seven minutes.  So, quick drink your drinks.  This is an important show for Tim and the least we can do is show up before his set starts.

                   BEN
I have no clue what kind of music Tim plays.  I've never any musical sounds emanating from his room.

                   MAR
It's kind of a mix of post punk and folk, with some hints of gypsy.  But Tim says his biggest influence is NWA.  His stuff is (beat) its really good (closes her eyes).

BEN

But Mar, how can I trust you?  You like everything, somebody farts in a jar and you think its cool.

MAR

(laughs)
Yeah, that would be cool.

                   BEN
Okay, whatever.  Let's support Tim, because that's what the world needs, another starving artist playing at a bar.

                   ADAM
Man, just remember you hate your job.

                   BEN
I know but at least I'm not delusional about my where my life is going.  I mean the chances of making it as a full time artist, let alone be famous or wealthy, is like winning the Powerball or being hit by a meteorite.

                   ADAM
Well, maybe Tim just wants to have fun.  It's a great experience being a musician, it's like being an entrepreneur, lots of little victories and losses.

                   BEN
I like knowing what to expect.

                   MAR
Cause you're boring.

                   BEN
I'm not boring!  I'm steady, steadfast even.

                   KALE
You are boring, you don't read.

                   BEN
I read.

                   ADAM
You read music blogs and then make flaming troll comments.

                   BEN
Yeah, cause they're all stupid.

                   MAR
You think everything is stupid.
                   
                   BEN
Everything is stupid.

                   ADAM
No, that's not true.  I've read books that aren't stupid.  I've heard songs that aren't stupid.  Darwin wasn't stupid.  Army of Darkness isn't stupid.

                   BEN
And then Sam Raimi sold out and made Spiderman.  But I'll take your point, almost all things are stupid.

                   KALE
         (texting)
<Who was that diseased sorority groupie that was all over you after the show last night?>

                   MAR
Did you see that Syntactic Galactic is playing tomorrow night?  They’ve been getting some hot props on the national hip hop scene.

                   ADAM
Yeah, we’ve got an awesome hip hop scene.

                   BEN
What?  The hip hop scene here is totally not cool.  It’s totally white.  Its all kids from the suburbs.

                   KALE
So?  You're a white kid from the suburbs.

                   BEN
My point exactly.  It’s a repeat of how whites co-opted blues, jazz, rock and roll and screwed them all up.

                   KALE
Sure, but that doesn’t mean that music created by white artists isn’t good or something.

                   BEN
         (BEN's phone rings)
This isn't over.
         (BEN gets up and takes the call, drink in hand.)
Hey man.  Yeah, we'll be on time...I know it sucks being there by yourself in a bar filled with lonely people who are your age and share your interests.
         (listening)
We're walking, we're walking. 
         (stamps his feet) 
We're walking into the bar right now.
         (putting his hand over his eyes, looking around)
  I'm looking around.  I don't see you!  Where are you?
         (closes phone).

                   ADAM
Jared?

                   BEN
Jared.                    

                   KALE
         (to MAR)
I'm doing it, I’m applying to grad school.

                   MAR
Excellent.

                   ADAM
For what?

                   KALE
I’m not sure yet.  I just want my identity back.

                   BEN
Which is?

                   KALE
I want a self where I’m in school learning.  This is terrible, but I want to be at a crossroads with a sign post that is blank and editable.  And decisions are far in the future.  Each day I can float around the bars, knowing I won’t always be hanging around bars.  I’ll be someone doing something important someday. (laughs)  I mean its okay for me to go to grad school right?  People do that.

                   ADAM
         (receives text, reads it and texts)
<She's just a fan.  I have to keep my fans happy, even the diseased sorority groupies.  They're people too.  Nothing happened.  Why?>

                   KALE
         (to Ben)
Why are you wearing that by the way, you look like an undercover detective from the seventies.  Are you actually trying to dress up as a undercover detective from the seventies.  Or are you being ironic, as in, isn't it funny that I'm dressed like an undercover detective from the seventies?

                   BEN
What is your problem?  I'm just trying to dress how I feel.

                   KALE
Why don't you dress in your current culture's clothes.  It doesn't mean you have to agree with our culture's foreign policy or love football.  It's like you just stepped out of a time machine every day, except you're the same person.  It's like perpetual Halloween with you.  Do you hate living in the present?

                   BEN
Yes.

                   KALE
Yeah, well, the seventies sucked too.

                   BEN
What people wear is merely a product of the times in which they live.

                   KALE
Duh, of course, then why don't you wear clothes most people respect and think make you look good instead of an ironic clown.  Why don't you help yourself with your clothes, instead of thumbing your nose at all the squares?

                   KALE
         (receives text)

                   BEN
Well I...

                   KALE
         (holds up her finger smiling)
Sorry, I have to take this text.

                   BEN
         (exasperation)
                   
                   KALE
         (reads text and texts back)
<I guess I am jealous.  They're just girl feelings, please ignore them, I'm tying to.  Err I'm trying too.

                   BEN
Hey do you want to go see this Todd Stravinsky tomorrow night?

                   ADAM
What does he play?

                   BEN
Uhh, he plays like a bunch of samplers that are attached to different parts of his body.

                   ADAM
Sounds like it sucks.

                   BEN
No, no its really cool.

                   ADAM
I listen to music because it's fun and emotional, and you listen to music to find things that will freak out the evangelicals in Kansas, who don't give a fuck by the way.  Don't confuse novelty with great art.

                   BEN
I won't mister ballad crooner for undergrad wallflowers. 
         (In a funny voice)
Oh, he has such deep feelings and he wants to share them.
         (normal voice)
Baloney.

                   ADAM
My feelings are super deep dude and I'm just aching to share them with you and only you Ms. Music Fan.

                   BEN
Feelings totally get you laid.

                   ADAM
Oh yeah!
(BEN and ADAM high five, females express exasperation)
         
                   ADAM
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<If you want to talk about what happened, we can.>

                   KALE
         (To Mar)
I mean I thought the opening was brilliant.

                   ADAM
I didn't get it.  It it seemed like a bunch of spray painted string glued to dismembered dolls and nothing more. 

                   KALE
You don't get it.  To put it concisely, you need to understand Aaronofsky, post structuralism and everything that came before that.  You have no context.

                   ADAM
So then I can't understand it, unless I have all that knowledge.

                   KALE
         (beat)
Right, just like quantum physics.  You believe in quantum physics don’t you?

                   KALE
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<Maybe.  We don't own each other.  Let's have fun tonight and I'll forget about it for a few hours.>

                   
                   MAR
It’s like, they have a certain musical sensibility about them?

                   ADAM
Yeah.

                   MAR
Know what I mean?

                   ADAM
         (beat)
No, no I don’t know what you mean.
         (both laugh)

                   ADAM
But Mar, I see your problem.  You can’t talk meaningfully about music, or any art.  Its absolutely ridiculous.

                   KALE
What do you mean you can’t talk about music?

                   ADAM
You can only point to it, and say, yes, no, yes, no.  That's all anyone can really do.  The rest is verbal posturing.

                   ADAM
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<How are u able to text so fast?  I feel like a tortoise texter here.>

                   MAR
Music just makes the world melt away, until all of my fears, my thoughts are stripped away.  I lie there with the headphones on, feeling the string of my history back before birth.  I feel my naked self lying on rocks of cool wet granite and the red sea urchins crawl over me as wave after wave of blue green water crash over me.  I taste salt.
         
                   BEN
         (folding his hands like a psychologist)
And while you're naked are you pleasing yourself?

                   KALE
I mean I won’t even have sex anymore without something playing in the background, I mean having sex in silence, with just the grunts makes me dry up.

                   BEN
That’s nasty.

                   KALE
You’re just jealous because you can’t have it.

                   BEN
No.

                   KALE
Yes.  Don’t try to make me feel bad about speaking frankly about my sexuality.  You just talked about Mar's.

                   BEN
OK, I’m sorry for oppressing you and your entire gender.  And what is that today by the way?  Are you a man trapped inside a women’s body, or is it the other way around?  Or are you just bi?  I forget.  Are you a Moman, or a Wen?

                   KALE
Gender is a fluid concept.

                   BEN
What the fuck does that mean anyway, fluid concept?

                   KALE
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<When I'm agitated I can type like a mofo.>

                   ADAM
Back to my original point.  It’s so pointless to categorize every band.  As genres collapse every band is going to have its own genre.

                   KALE
The speed of creativity is speeding up.

                   BEN
What?  What evidence do you have for that?  People are less creative now.  When was the last time a really memorable piece of art was created, on the same creative level of the Beatles, or the invention of punk or rap?  When was the last time you heard something really new?

                   MAR 
Yeah, do you really think people are more creative now?

                   KALE
Well I think creativity and the need for novelty has become so expected that it goes unnoticed.  The number of musicians who are doing stuff that doesn’t sound like anything else is going way up.  Folk rap, electro-dance based on Buddhist chants, that guy who plays hot-rodded Atari 2600’s.

                   ADAM
So much is only novelty though, not great art.  More like cultural suicide.

                   KALE
Yeah a lot of it is, but in the past musicians usually worked in a particular genre that didn’t change as fast.

                   BEN
So they were less creative?

                   KALE
         (Shrugs)

                   MAR
I don’t know man, all I know is that categorizing is the only way to communicate if something is cool or not.  You know, if somebody tells me a band is surf-pop but with ukuleles I can understand that to some extent.  Genres are just shorthand for people to talk about music, what’s the big deal?

                   KALE
And categorizing is a way for sellers of music to pair down what you want so you're not over whelmed.

                   ADAM
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<Are you good at anything else when you're agitated?  I should like to find out;)>

                   KALE
So, Adam.  Now that Tim's going to break out and be a rock star are you a little jealous?

                   ADAM
Yeah I'll be jealous.  I've been at it too long.  Actually, I've thought about going into audiology.  I mean, there's so much that you can do for people.  It's something that you can fix or not.  You know, if some kid has a hearing problem, you can usually do something to fix that.  I like that.

                   KALE
So you're giving up on being a musician?

                   ADAM
         (beat)
I don't know, but I'm not planning on becoming rich and famous or even making a living from it.  The chances of becoming a professional musician are so small, and its so difficult and requires a lot of luck.  And you don't have health insurance.  And I hate the networking.  I'm always kissing up to musicians that I don't like, praising every band I meet.  And I do favors for all these people that are never repaid.

                   KALE
What's going to happen when you don't have all the groupies falling all over you?

                   ADAM
Yeah, groupies.  Look, I've never hooked up with any girl who knows me only through my music.  Secondly, think of all the senior citizens who will take a fancy to their audiologist?

                   KALE
They'll only have ears for you?

                   ADAM
Exactly.  Also, the invention of headphones, electrified music, and dance clubs means that people will be losing their hearing at younger ages.  And the audiology and hearing aid industry is ready to meet that need.

                   MAR
And pass out ear buds.

                   ADAM
Oh!  Those little ear buds are the worst for your hearing.

                   KALE
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<Many, many things, but its doubtful you'll ever be in a position to experience them, mr. rock star whore.>

                   ADAM
And we got screwed out of the gig money.  I know there was at least a couple hundred dollars.  But what can you do?  You're in this small town.  You're leaving tomorrow.  We could've called the police but what evidence is there exactly that there was all this money?  It's your word against theirs and you're just traveling musicians and he's a pillar of the community.  So, we just slashed the bar owner's tires and left town.

                   MAR
Wow!
         
                   ADAM
But I got to meet Randy Klugg of the Bearheads at that gig.

                   MAR
Yeah?  Oh, I love the Bearheads!

                   ADAM
Yeah, it was awesome, he's actually an asshole though.  We're playing on the same bill next month!

                   MAR
Cool!

                   BEN
         (unimpressed)

                   ADAM
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<It was a fun time:)>

                   MAR
         (looks at phone)
Come on, we're late!  Let's go my lovelies.

                   BEN
One more drink.  These things never start on time anyways.
                   
                   MAR
No.

                   BEN
Yes!

                   MAR
         (stares him down)

                   BEN
Alright fine.

                   KALE
         (receives text, reads it and texts back)
<Shuddup, I know it was.  Hate you and your hot make out skillz.>

                   BEN
How much is cover?

                   MAR
Seven bucks.

                   BEN
Seven bucks!  This sucks.  I am only drinking cheap beer tonight then.

                   MAR
We all face hard economic choices in these hard economic times.

(BEN and MAR exit stage.  ADAM and KALE stand apart then slowly come together.  He puts his arm around her and she leans in.)

                   ADAM
         (receives text, reads it and closes his phone)
Wanna go see some live music and have some drinks?

                   KALE
         (nods)

                   BEN
         (From off stage.)
What are you two effing or something?  Let's go! 

         (ADAM and KALE walk off stage)
         (blackout)