Tears keep rolling down

The difference is becoming more obvious. I don't want to give a damn shit. Mommy, I am so drained. I need someone who understands me other than myself ... I am tired of taking in everything all by myself.
There's nothing to hide. I like you, so I like you. That's it. But, why am I feeling so heavy? It's because I can't be with you. I ... am so far away from you that I can't read your mind. I can't reach your hand. I can't get near you. You are so far away from me.
I want you to care for me. I want you to make me laugh. I want you to like me. I want ..... but I don't have a damn chance. I am so sad.
You always make me feel so sad. My heart has got a lot of scars and it doesn't feel good. How would you know?
Why are you so perfect in every way I can see? Why isn't there a fault on you which I can hate so much? Why do you look that good? Why? You look that perfect that it makes me want you even more. I am becoming greedier. I just don't want to have any attachments towards things but ... this must be what people called greed that I want you.
Everytime, I put a weak smile, but inside, I am silently crying. You keep talking to all those girls except me. I know I am not good enough to talk to you but, when you do something like that, I feel very sad that I want to cry when I am alone.
You are very handsome indeed. And cute most of the time. Your hands and fingers are long and charming. You look damn good in my eyes. And that's why a lot of girls like you. I know that you are popular and that you have a lot of girls around you. Elly also likes you no matter what. Yan also likes you (obviously). I bet you've got so many girls to choose from. Go ahead then. I am happy for you. Since I've got no chance to be near you ... I might as well feel happy for you. What else can I do?
It's like my heart is in doubt. That's why I am feeling so bad. Don't give me a damn hope.
To think back, I am such a nothing for you. I haven't done anything for you. I don't know you very well but why do I want you so much?
You know what? I get jealous over Elly ... She's so lucky to be your friend, a person you talk to so comfortably. I know that I couldn't be like that. Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I might as well hide away. You don't know what I am feeling. But it's better this way though ...
If we are meant to be together, then one day, you will come to me. And I will come to you. Other than that, I have no other comments to give. I will just go on like this. Time will heal my pain. When I don't get to see you, then I will be able to forget about you. I couldn't do anything now.
My hidden feelings and tears .... all of them .... I will just keep all of them in this letter. Go ahead.
I will be okay even if I feel sad. After all, if you are not mine, I couldn't have you ...