Cold

Stars shining in the sky, the only light that purifies.
sun shining up above, streaming, glaring into my eyes.
Green, Black, Light, Dark, which one is better?
I feel a cold chill run up and down my body,
goosebumps are sprinkled all over the place.
How? This is Australia, why am I cold?
Darkness surrounds me even in the blazing heat of the sun.
I want to snuggle up into a ball and disipate.
Just disappear into oblivion, but it is impossible.
Suicide isn't an option for me, I would never go to that extreme.
But I can wish and I can dream that the end is near for me.
Maybe I can leave soon. Maybe God will let me.
My fingers are blue, yet its Midday. How? Why?
I want to sleep until the end has come, sleep my way to oblivion.
Why do I think that if I sleep the end will come sooner?
Why is that a comforting thought?
I feel tense and cold and disconnected from the world.
My skin is turning purple. I'm cold, so damn cold.
I feel sick inside, something has died inside of me.
I want to cry and cry and cry, until I am lying dead upon the floor,
a mere body, a corpse, arotting mound of flesh, at peace at last.
My heart is calling out for something, something I cannot reach.
Where is it? What is it? Why does my heart yearn for it?
I feel scared, no, not scared, terrified. Of life, I'm terrified of life.
I want it to end, I want it all to end. Not for everyone, just for me.
I want to vanish into nothingness, into oblivion, into peace.
I'm so damn cold, I feel like ice, inside and out, I'm tired all the time.
When? When will this suffering end?
When will the horror that people call life finally come to an end for me?
I hate it. I don't want it. Why do I have this infliction?
I just want to go. I just want to leave. Good God take me away!!!!
I just want to go home.