Categorical Definition of a Human Being

A Categorical Definition of a Human Being



Oh tell me who I am dear Sir,
for I fear I am not sure.
I asked a teacher, a doctor, a priest,
but none would dare concur.

Past the schoolhouse door on the top-most floor,
I did inquire Mrs. Macintyre.
She told me then, "Just wait a while,
we've compiled a file of all you are entire."
Then the teacher said, very teacherly,
what she thought it was to be me.
"Four A's, three B's, no C's or D's,
with a GPA of 3.3"

At Belle's Hospital I made a call
to my good old friend Doctor Duvall.
the dear doctor said, "Stand up strait, palms supinate,
and we'll delineate your height and weight.
Your cholesterol needs to fall
or your veins will fill with a clogging wall.
I suggest more diet and exercise,
which will also help with your thunder thighs."

I then went running to the house of God,
and sobbing asked of Father Todd.
The preacher preached, "What a silly question for a Christian,
look to the book's holy mission for direction,
to be saved by Christ alone.
Now eat some bread and drink some wine,
pray a bunch, and you'll be fine
as your sins will be atoned."

But looking back at all of that
I think there must be more to being me.
I'm not just a Christian, pounds and inches,
or even a GPA of 3.3.

So what am I to you dear Sir?
For as it stands the answers will not do.
He formed a frown, looked me up and down, and said,
"Well I guess you're paranoid too."