I Had Nothing Left To Lose

I Had Nothing Left To Lose

I had nothing left to lose, so I belly flopped onto a sea of uncertainty, figuring that it no longer mattered if I were to sink or swim.
Fear and insecurity had suffocated me like Creeping Charlie, sucking the life out of every living organism in its path.
It is funny how we can be our own Creeping Charlie, strangling out the chance of life and beauty simply by allowing something, like fear and insecurity to run rampant inside of us.
I had nothing left to lose, so I loved so completely and so openly, figuring that it no longer mattered if I got hurt or betrayed.
Walls of protection had been built around my heart in the past. Shields and swords made with skepticism and cynicism had stood at the doors of my soul, waiting to attack and defend against perceived beasts and monsters.
It is funny how we can allow walls to remain standing, fending against those who may actually be trying to encourage us to obtain protection against ourselves.
I had nothing left to lose so I reached out to those I wronged and to those who wronged me, figuring it no longer mattered if they rejected me or threw sharp words in my direction.
Resentment and anger had kept me from being the bigger person at times, figuring that forgiveness and leniency were gifts that were not meant to be opened by those who had stripped me from a sense of self worth.
It is funny how feuds can fester for days, weeks, months, years, decades, and centuries simply because one person is unable to rise above the conflict and raise a white flag or extend an olive branch, even it means taking the risk of rejection.
I had nothing left to lose, so I let go of control and let God steer the wheel, figuring that it no longer mattered if I appeared to be Superwoman.
Pride had kept me hanging onto the idea that I could control the direction of fate; that I knew better than He and could somehow navigate myself onto the path I wanted to be on.
It is funny how even when control can lead to anxiety, anger, frustration, and resentment we tend to hang onto it, thinking that when our hands are on the wheel we are safe. In reality, it is when we choose to be blindfolded, hand the reigns of faith over, and let go that we truly become saved.