Does your life have a soundtrack?

         I can trace my life in song lyrics; some times this is good, sometimes bad.  On my worst days, it's pathetic, on my best days it's absurd.  It can be done each day in a microcosm, or with years simplified to five songs.  Think to yourself about your childhood; can you see a theme?  I see several, and some of them...might not be particularly pleasant. 

{And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.}  Before my father left, I sang this a lot.  My mother worried that I needed therapy; I was only 8. 

{if you ask that's what I'll say, it's not your business anyway...}  No, everything is fine.  All normal, nothing to see here.

{we were only kids but then I've never heard it said that kids can't fall in love and feel the same}  How my heart would beat so wildly, every time I saw him in the hall, every day at practice.  I would have given anything; I guess for fifteen, I did give everything.

{If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with}  Too bad he didn't feel the same way.

{no matter what you say it won't take away the pain}  What we learn young, inevitably affects what we become.

{do you really want to live forever} Welcome to Fort Dix, New Jersey.  You will learn to march, shoot and do things the Army way.  There is a Right Way, a Wrong Way, and the ARMY WAY - hoo-yah. 

(get off, 22 positions in a one night stand}  And suddenly, I'm irresistible, insatiable, unstoppable. 

{well, that's alright because I like the way it hurts} It turns out that true love isn't true if it's conditional.  If you love me, you will, and I did.

{I wear my sunglasses at night so I can (so I can) keep track of the visions in my eyes}  Too much world, too many choices.

{closing time one last call for alcohol - you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here}  I discovered alcohol, the company of pretty friends and being the social secretary - she who holds the purses. 

{suicide is painless, it brings on many changes, and I can take or leave it if I please}  Depression in winter in the great white north is very very depressing.  The circle continues ever onward - wake up to catch the bus to go to work to earn money to eat and pay for bus fare and rent, so you can catch the bus to the grocery store and buy food to take home to eat then sleep so you can wake up to....

{in my mind, I'm going to Carolina}  Where it is unlikely that I will catch double bronchial pneumonia (again) while waiting for the bus to go from one job to the next.

{I get knocked down, but I get up again}  Moving between here and there, one guy, a different guy.  An old boyfriend, a new boyfriend.

{so if you go chasing rabbits and you know you're going to fall}  Drugs are interesting and mind expanding and expensive.

{there were some things that people never needed to know}  Why does it always come back to the same things, the same foundations of things that I can detach and talk about, but won't feel.  You can see the detachment, like I'm telling a story, a fairy tale, a dark horrible story.  Why does everyone want to hear those stories, must we play topper in the who had a worse childhood? 

{when she loved me}  Suddenly, life has so much less meaning.  You know that one day, one day your parents won't be there anymore.  When you only have one, losing her is beyond devastating - it's a black hole opening up in your soul.  It took two years to talk about her, and almost five to forgive myself for not being a better daughter.  One day I'll be able to read the sympathy cards without hysterical crying. 

{all that was good has died and is decaying in me}  Depression anytime of year is bad.  Reactive depression might be more justified, but it ends the same.

{you keep handing out horseshoes, horseshoes have got to be tossed}  I make it too tempting, I had them the ammunition, aim the weapon and hope for the best.  Did you ever notice how rare it is for the best to happen?

{the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had}  A conversation I had with a friend;when you are living it can always get better - yes but with dead it never gets worse.

{I don't want to be alone anymore, and I want you tonight although you hurt me before.}  I need something, someone.  We tried this dance before, and it ended badly.  I need someone so much, I'll start over. 

{it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah}  It never gets simpler, it isn't a game of win and lose - it's a lose and lose.

{life goes on, long after the thrill of living has gone}  How can life be this deadening, why do I want to do this anymore?  Really, it is a question, please answer me; someone, anyone?

{She held me spellbound in the night}  Maybe if I just live for the visceral, for the hedonist pleasure.

{walks real cool, catches everybody's eye}  To just live for the looks, the pleasure of being adored, even if only from afar.

{if you wanna kiss the sky you better learn how to kneel}  Dangerously moving closer, feeling the heat of passion on your skin, feeling physical touches that build the delusions - worship me, do my will.

{Now I've got a mind full of wicked designs}  So many ways I'll show you, so many desires I'll let you fulfill.  Maybe I'll even condescend to fulfill one of your desires.  Don't forget though, this is about me.

{Do you get the gist of this song now?}