Autumn's last shadow

An Autumn chill swept across Eoin's face. Eoin's face was cracked, he squinted his eyes as he faced the wind. He took time to take in the familiar scenery, familiar yet different. A phrase that he had quoted many times in his life came to mind 'This place never looks the same'. The sandy beach stretched only half a mile or so and was framed by towering cliffs to the south and smaller ones to the north. The Atlantic Ocean was impervious as it filled the bay and ran far into the horizon. Eoin felt very comfortable in the bay, he was as much of a fixture as the cliffs themselves. Eoin hadn't been here for some time, in the recent weeks he had deteriorated quickly and was sapped of any energy. Today though he wanted to visit the bay. The bay he had spent countless hours at during his lifetime. His weary feet trudged down the beach and his old mind began to wonder.

He thought of the first time he had visited the bay, when he was just seven years old. It was the day his parents had moved into a new house from Dublin. His mother had always been in love with the West coast of Ireland and had finally persuaded her husband to move there. Eoin remembered how they left the house all littered with boxes and how he dozed off in the backseat as his mother promised we would see the most beautiful sight we've ever seen. His mother in particular had that overly romantic view of an area that people get when they move there, that is not to say that the west coast of Ireland isn't a breath-taking place but his mother felt like it was the eighth wonder of the world.

When Eoin awoke and he opened the car door he was met with a gust of wind that caused him to shiver. He shuffled behind his father to shield himself from the wind. His mother beamed with joy as the breeze blew her long brown hair over her face and as Eoin still gripped the bottom of his father's jacket he finally took in the scenery in front of him. This was the first time in his short life that Eoin noticed the beauty of nature. The family progressed further down the beach before his father bent over and picked up a handful of rocks and began skipping them across the sea despite the fact that some would disappear into the breaking waves. After skipping his last pebble he stood still and gazed far out to sea in deep thought. His mother opened her arms and rotated slowly, breathing in the air deep and letting out a breath of utter bliss. Eoin's father moved over to his wife and embraced her with genuine affection. Eoin moved in and clung to his father's jacket once again as he rested his head peacefully on his mother's hip. The trio waited there for a minute or so in silence, taking a moment's rest as they celebrated their start as a family in a new area. Eoin only spent roughly 10 minutes at the bay that day but to him it felt like an age and is the most significant and clear memory of his childhood.

Eoin momentarily halted as he felt a surge of pain. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and slowly massaged his temple with his left hand. Recently Eoin's feelings had been a cycle of nostalgia and pain. He was getting very weak but the bay or his memories of the bay seemed to give him extra strength for today at least. He opened his eyes as the pain relented, not that the pain ever really went away these days, just reduced in intensity. As he opened his eyes he noticed more than ever how the bay never looked the same, even from a moment ago the sand seemed lighter and the cliffs larger. Eoin recalled a very significant visit to the bay many years ago.
''He loved this place didn't he?''
''He did, we all do.'' Eoin responded to his mother with a sombre tone to his voice.
The day before Eoin and his mother had attended the funeral of Eoin's Father. He had died peacefully in his sleep but Eoin and his mother were already missing him dearly. The sea roared and the clouds felt close. The sand looked a dark brown and the cliffs hung over the bay more than usual as Eoin and his mother walked slowly along the path they had walked many times before.

Time crawled past as slow as Eoin walked and then he and his mother sat on the sand and talked for hours, reminiscing about the father and husband they had loved. After nearly 3 hours Eoin rose to his feet before helping his mother up as the pair stared far out to the horizon as he had done. The skies darkened and Eoin hunched into his mother's arms who held him in the way she used to when he was a child. Eoin felt his eyes dampen and as light drizzle became rain he allowed his tears to mix with the raindrops as they crashed to the sand below. As Eoin dropped his mother off to an empty home he didn't know that he wouldn't witness the scenery of the bay for quite some time.

Eoin grabbed Rachel's hand excitedly and led swiftly towards the bay. She giggled as he accelerated, practically dragging her along.
''Wait Eoin. At least let me lock the car.'' Rachel said as she continued to giggle.
''No need, everyone knows everyone here, all honest people.''
Eoin positioned Rachel in front of him facing the bay as he rested his hands gently on her slender shoulders. A very light breeze kissed her face as her eyes widened and a slight smile materialised on her lips.
''Wow, you were right. This place, it's . . . it's beautiful. I can't believe this is my first time seeing this.'' Rachel ran her hand through her wavy brown hair and squeezed Eoin's hand who then moved to face her.
''It's my first time too, you see this place never looks the same.''

It was a typical summer's day and the sun shone generously on the bay. On this day the sand looked more yellow than brown and some patches of the cliffs looked almost perfectly white. The beach was packed with families; Fathers applying sun cream, Mothers squashing bucket hats on their children as they make sand castles. The sea was calm, perfecting for skipping rocks. Then it was Rachel who led Eoin as she raced to the sea after they both stripped down to their swimwear. The pair splashed into the water and continued until they were up to their necks in the Atlantic Ocean.

''I'm so happy I finally came with you, this place is perfect.'' Rachel's English accent stood out from the squabble of Irish conversations. Her blue eyes glistened as the sun's rays bounced off the water and onto her elegant face.
The couple had been married 6 months after knowing each other for 2 years. Eoin had met her soon after his Father's passing when business caused him to fly to England for a weekend. They had lived together in a nice semi-detached house south of London near Rachel's family. Eoin had long tried to persuade his wife to accompany him on one of his monthly visits to his mother in an Irish nursing home. The couple had visited Eoin's mother before arriving at the bay and she and Rachel had got on very well. It was even her idea that Eoin take Rachel to the bay that afternoon. As they left Eoin's mother whispered to him that she was a lovely girl that he should hang onto. Eoin shut his eyes and leant his head back so his neck and the back of his hair were submerged. After a few peaceful minutes Rachel spoke.
''I want to live here.''
Eoin raised his head and looked at her in surprise. He struggled to comprehend what she had said but before he could speak she explained herself.
''I've been wanting to move away from my parents for a while bless them. I want to experience life on my own outside suburbia. We would be closer to your Mother and you could work for your old company, you always said you preferred working in Ireland. So, what do you think?''
A few weeks later Eoin and Rachel moved into a quaint farmhouse just half a mile from the house Eoin had grown up in. One day soon after that Eoin returned home with a Labrador puppy that melted Rachel's heart, she named her Bridget. Not long after that Rachel fell pregnant.

Eoin cradled Sean's tiny frame as Rachel pulled up the blanket that covered him up to his fragile chin. The day before Rachel had given birth to Sean and she was tired but agreed with Eoin that a short trip to the bay would be fitting.
''Keep him warm Eoin, it's cold today. Looks different, the cliffs look less jagged and the sea lighter in colour.''
''We won't be long I just wanted to bring him here, even if it's for just a few minutes.'' Eoin then spoke directly to his son for the first time.
''You'll love this place, like we all do. Even though you won't remember it this is the first time you came to the bay. Our bay.''
Rachel stroked the top of her new son's head in a caring manner as she watched Bridget run down the beach disrupting the perfect smoothness of the sand. Baby Sean opened his eyes as he woke. Bridget barked excitedly in the background and Eoin was aware of Rachel fumbling with a lead in her pocket and walking towards the energetic puppy as he stared deep into Sean's sleepy eyes. Eoin recognised the distinctive green in Sean's eyes that he had only seen in his father's. Eoin gazed far into the eyes just as his father had always spent time looking beyond the horizon at the bay. It may have been the memory of his father or the realisation he was now a father himself but something caused Eoin's eyes to dampen. As he continued to hold Sean close he leaned slightly to the left and let a single tear fall to the sand, the first tear he had cried since that day with his mother so long ago.

Eoin halted again as another bolt of pain shot through him. He winced and gripped tightly on the brown jacket his had father had left him that was now worn and frayed, as was the man wearing it. Eoin looked back up the beach to see if Sean was approaching with concern, but he was still leaning on the bonnet of his car while talking to his wife on the phone. She had to stay in Limerick to continue teaching children at the school near Sean and her home. Eoin had frequently told Sean that he was lucky to have found such a sweet, caring girl, pretty too.

Eoin turned to start walking again but then felt for his reading glasses in his pocket. He carefully positioned the glasses behind his ears then peered through them at the sand below. Lying on it's own at Eoin's feet was a perfectly round, silky smooth pebble. His knees creaked and protested as he bent down to pick it up. He ran his wrinkled fingers over the stone and shuffled cautiously to the sea until the tide tickled the tips of his loafers. He hadn't the strength to launch it out to sea but he tossed it a couple of yards ahead of him and watched happily as it plopped into the water. He stared out to the horizon and wondered what his father would think about all those times he stood in the same place watching the same view and an utterly different one. Eoin then looked back down the beach again and saw his trail of footsteps. In his head he saw many more footsteps alongside his own, those of his mother, his father, a younger Sean, even the blurred pawprints of Bridget. The footsteps he saw most clearly though were those of Rachel. Rachel now lived in the same nursing home that Eoin's Mother happily spent her final years. Her memory had rapidly deteriorated but was still always her cheerful self, her radiance too was still obvious to everyone. Eoin and Rachel had shared a loving marriage and even in their frail last years Eoin would still remind his wife of the times they spent together and cause her to laugh her unique giggle. The next day she would have forgotten the stories so Eoin would repeat them and delight in hearing Rachel giggle once again as if it were the first time she had heard him tell it.

Eoin felt content, he thought to himself he had lived a great life. He remembered the cold on his knees when they sunk into the sand. His family had been so loyal and loving to him throughout his life and his thanks was to give the same back. The jacket tore as he collapsed to one side. Eoin then felt something he hadn't for a long time, painless. He heard Sean's racing footsteps getting closer and closer to him. He looked out to bay once again and allowed himself a smile before his vision blurred and then disappeared altogether. Sean held his father close to him as the wind blew stronger, he had expected this soon but no one can fully prepare themselves. Eoin lay peacefully on the sand where he had spent many memorable moments with his cold hand being stroked by the tide. The bay watched as Sean scrambled back to his phone with tears in his eye leaving Eoin lying in Autumn's last shadow.