My love confusion

March 25, 2010
Me and him. Him and me. Neither sound right. Would he ever notice the dark, skinny figure in the corner? That's me. Me being a tall, skinny, gothic looking girl. Black and purple clothing and thick makeup, yet a heart made of pure red. Red meaning Love. My heart was open to many boys. But this boy had reserved the whole thing. He's a beautiful, god-like 13 year old. Black hair, dark chocolate-brown eyes. Carmalized skin, and just tall enough for me to look like a midget. Yet i knew only one thing about him. That he wasn't into girls. And likely this meant especially not gothic freaks like me.

March 29, 2010.
9pm. Not the best night in my life. Chatting with my friend Megan Kenner. I crumbled at what she said when i mentioned him. "Nicole, you know i wouldn't be your friend if i didn't tell you this. Trent, well, he and you aren't gonna be together. Ever." Wow. Some friend. My life crumbled before my eyes as i watched her keep typing. Megan is typing, Megan is typing, Megan is typing...and blank. I wasn't gonna listen to her fingers type words i wouldn't want to hear. And she knew that.

March 30, 2010
Today, Eleesa came bounding up to me, short mouse brown hair flailing and pink necklace bouncing wildely on her chest. Out of breathe, bounding like a cheetah...this had to be important. VERY important. I waited for seconds, which felt like minutes, for her to say something. But all she did was point at the wall. I looked up and melted. I saw what she was so worked up over. A poster staring at me said" GIRL'S CHOICE DANCE TONIGHT!"

Oh, God.

My heart exploded. A dance. To make matters worse, a girl's choice dance. Who was i supposed to ask? I could ask Xavier. He was cute. He made me laugh, and called me names to joke around. I never minded. Or i could ask Taggert. Sweet and kind as he was, he was perverted though. Eleesa noticed my wondering face. She knew exactly what i was thinking about. Boys. (Hey...as freakish as i am, i'm still a girl!) She also noticed her chance to whisper the most horrifying suggestion in my ear ever. No. I would never do it. She couldn't make me do it. Ever.

April 1, 2010
I'm with Megan. We are on our way to band class, where i have been conviced by 7 of my girlfriends to ask him. They all even signed a petition. Damn. Ever since i told them about him, they've gone out of their way to get me a date with him. Which i think is sweet, but a stupid play on their part. He never liked me. Never talks to me. Just looks.

Megan ditched me for her viola class. Saxaphone sucks when your the only one. Especially when it's your family wanting you to do the instrument and not you. Now that i was here, i might as well go inside. No point in missing class now is there? As i slowley crept through the door, all attention was turned onto me. This felt very emmbarrising, especially when Eleesa screamed out " Nicole! Sit down so this class can get started!" Thanks E. Very best friend like.

After band class, I lazily made my way to trent. I made Eleesa pay me back for the outburst by standing just a few feet away when i asked him. I reheresed what i was gonna say about 15 times in my head, and i almost walked into him. As if he could be invisible! He stared down at me like i was some kind of.....well, normal person. Wow. I just about ran into him and he looks at me as if it happens all the time. This was going better than i thought! I looked up at him and said hello in a seriously girlier voice than i thought i was capable of. He smiled at me and said hi. I couldn't help it. It just sorta leaked out. okay, well. More of like came out in one big sentance. "Doyouthinkyoumightwannagotothedancewithmetrent?" He looked as if I had just spoke in a forgien language. As i sat there awkwardly, he shuffled his feet and said "well, im kinda gonna be with my dad that night, so...yeah. Im kinda not going". This made me break down. But not before i could run away to the girl's bathroom and puke my guts out.