Shambles

Perfect life
soccer mom, wife.
Secrets, pills,
a stolen life's thrills.

No one suspected
No one said
what should have been obvious
that inside I was dead.

But cover I did
lying so smoothly--
A good girl scared.

Ten years of living in this house of cards.
One puff and it fell,
My hell became lower than hell.

The hurt I have caused
Disappointment, disbelief
yes, that was me
I think and think.

My eyes are clear now
but stained with tears.
One day at a time with the same old fears.

Look straight ahead.
Through regret
humiliation, loss.
The past is gone
No way to fix it
no prayer, no song.

Prison waits for me expectantly.
Don't think of it yet. Not yet.
Yes now. Time to go.
Time to amend.

Pain sears through my soul
my parents will get old
friends will go on
my husband, my child
will they still love me?