The Big Day

"Hello?" Her voice was strident, tinged with the vivid hues of stress.

"Hey, Shelly." I made an effort to keep my voice calm, for her sake. "It's Jake."

"Oh hey." Shelly's voice lost some of its edge. Then, "Amy stay out of that! Sorry, Jake, she's getting into everything, today. AMY!"

I chuckled. "If you're busy, I can call back..."

"No, no, that's okay. Amy! Goddammit, put your socks back on and stop licking the dog!" Back to me, "How are you doing?"

"Fine, just fine, but I need to ask a favor, if you don't mind." Wandering into the bathroom, I pulled out my comb and adjusted a few strands of unruly hair.

"Sure, if I can. I still owe you from babysitting last month."

Boy, did she ever. I still had puke stains on my poker shirt, but I chose not to mention that. "How's Trevor, anyway?" I asked. "Feeling better, I hope?"

"Oh, yeah, he's fine," Shelly replied in a distracted tone. "But he's been getting into trouble at school and- Amy! What did I tell you? One... two... three..." I tuned out her idea of threatened punishment.

"What'd he do this time?" I asked her.

"Got in a fight." Something crashed in the background. "AMY!" I winced and held the phone a few inches away from my ear. While she launched into another tirade at her bratlovely child, I headed to my desk, where I picked up the appointment card.

"January 23, 2002," it read. "2:30 pm."

Finally, she slowed down and turned her attention back to me. "Will this favor involve me killing my kid? Please?"

I chuckled. "No, no, I just need a ride to a doctor at two. Then back home around three. Not supposed to drive, after. Bill was going to do it, but his car broke down-" I paused as she started in on her kid again.

Shelly was an old friend. We'd been lovers once, long ago, but then she'd met Dan. Dan was everything I wasn't: strong, handsome, athletic, and abusive. She'd had two kids with him before he broke her nose, kidnapped one of the kids, stole her car, and took off. When the cops caught him, he'd swung a fist in the general direction of one of them, which was the only charge that actually stuck. Last I heard, Dan was still in jail.

"Sure, but I'll have to take Amy along."

"Of course." After Dan went to the slammer, Shelly started talking to me again, but by then I was dating someone else. We stayed friends, and I even helped her out sometimes, with things like babysitting. Which led me to my decision to see the doctor...

"What doctor?" she asked. "Where do we need to go?"

"Dr. Singh," I told her, smiling. "He's a urologist. I'm getting snipped."

"Snipped?" she asked. "Amy I said go get dressed!" Back to me, "You're getting a..."

"A vasectomy, yes. Finally decided to get it done."

"But what if you decide later you want kids after all?"

I chuckled again. "No chance of that," I said. "I mean, they just seem like they're more trouble than they're worth, you know?"

"Amy, stop pulling on the dog's tail! Don't come crying to me when he bites you! I warned you!" Shelly's voice turned back to the phone. "But Jake... they're so worth it!"