Do You Think I'm Crazy

Do you think I'm Crazy

         It was 2 am. When the young Vietnam veteran came into my office. He was trembling and  wet with sweat. His eyes were red and his

cheeks were still wet with tears. I had seen this look many times before. "Nightmares?" I ask. "Yeah he said. Sometimes they are really bad. I cant
"
sleep most nights and when I do sleep I wake up like this. Man I'm tired!  I just cant shake it. I do OK in the day time but at night it just gets to me.

Do you think I'm crazy?  What I think is not important, what you think is what is important do you think you're crazy? Well I just don't know; it's

these damn nightmares, why do I have these nightmares? They don't stop. Like it's every night. I know I did some bad stuff over there, I saw stuff

you know, like when the guy in front of you steps on a mine and is splattered all over you or some poor bastard is hit and you can't get to him. You

can't help him and you crawl away and you hear him screaming and it never stops and you hear it every night. And the kids, no kid should ever see

war. Yeah I think I'm crazy. I guess that is why they send us to a mental hospital ain't it?" These were hard questions, what could I give this man?

This is not the was time for pills that numb the senses for a while and leave you unchanged when they wear off. "Well I never went over there so

there is no way I can really know what it was like but I have talked to a lot of guys at night. I went to Korea when I was 17.  I really wanted to be

one of the guys so I 'tried to drink with the old gunnies. I got so drunk on a pint of whiskey I couldn't walk. I fell down and puked all over myself.

The old gunny said, "  "Oh my the poor little boy is sick ain't he? Poor little boy has puked on himself and he can't stand up." " I felt really bad about

being sick. The next evening was invited to go to the NCO club and I said no. I just get sick, those old sergeant just drink me under the table. I'm

still sick from last night."  "Ah c'omon you ain't sick. Its them old sergeants that are sick. Hell man they are all alcoholics. They can drink a whole

quart in one sitting and still walk home. Don't try to keep up with them. Just wet your lips, blow bubbles in the bottle and you can keep yourself

straight. I know you saw a lot of bad things in Nam. I know you did what you had to do to stay alive. So did a lot of other guys. Do you remember

when you first got over there and saw some guy wearing a necklace made out of ears?  Do you remember meeting guys back for the third or forth

tour who had learned to like killing people? Well you're not like them. You don't have any trophies made out of human parts. You didn't go back for a

third tour and you have just told me how you hated having to kill people to stay alive yourself.  Well that is normal. You were in a war and you didn't

like it. You are not supposed to like it. When some people see too much killing it makes them sick to the stomach.  They don't puke like a drunk,

they have bad nightmares. The nightmares are a kind of mental puke. You are getting yourself cleaned out." " Then why don't they stop? Why is it

night after night. Why does it sometimes even get me in the day time?" " You don't look like much of a drinking man but have you ever been really

drunk? I mean falling down stupid drunk? You ever have the dry heaves? You ever want to be sober so bad you promised to never get that drunk

again. Well that war didn't last just one night and it ain't gonna come up in just one night. You will always have some scars in your mind just like the

ones on your skin. The wounds take a long time to heal but you are strong and healthy and you will heal. When you go to group with the other vets

and talk it out. When you wake up shaking at 2 O'clock you are doing the work that must be done. No it isn't easy and yes it takes a long time. I

took your body weeks to heal. It sometimes takes months for the mind to heal but you are getting it done. You are getting clean, you got to leave

the bad stuff back there in the jungle where it belongs. You have endured the trauma of war. It takes time to get the smell out of your nostrils and

sound out of your ears. It takes time for the visions to fade but you are getting it done and you are OK, buddy you're OK right here and now and you

will be stronger tomorrow from the work you have done tonight."  "He said he had never looked at it like that. He said he would have to think about

that for a while and when he stood up his shoulders were a little straighter."