cut open again

I knew this would happen, and it has. As predictable as chaos after snowfall.

There was a burn, a raised welt of pain, slowly healing but not healing right.
The barer of the welt carried in resignation having been burned before
Flexing and testing after experiences that had not killed, wondering how I am stronger
Tear it open again revel in the pleasure, a pure bubble drifting through the air

Healing roads taking their time to run their course
isolation a temporary retreat for the breach must be
breached once again, a return to the flame, the potential of hurt
that accompanies warmth

Too long, too cold the self imposed exile
fearing the return of feeling
knowing that what makes the heart beat faster can consume
good sense and reason

bare a new patch of skin, unscarred if one can be found
or recut and gouged out over and over like macabre bloody artwork
But first enjoy the moment know it is futureless
give pleasure and get blown away by it in turn

reopen the old wounds caused by the few that got through
eyes wide open, surging waves of need and desire
insomnia from lust is insomnia just the same

only sated by flesh upon flesh, entwined and writhing
heat upon heat
body into body
the petite mort, the gasps and nails dragged down back
the awakening of the terrible beast that sits in my belly one hand around my brain
one around my balls, both squeezing and twisting
driving me forward, onwards towards the fight once again
towards the risk, the excitement, the messy business of pleasure

close my eyes and feel you under my hands again
remember your scent and all that could have been
all that will be, but with another
all things happen for a reason, the moment was not to be stretched
impossible to realise, wistful half dreams do not make a reality

so now I am left with this
Better to be alive than numb, better this torment than absence of feeling
but full of dread I walk forward
Into the battle once again
risking total loss of control from all consuming passion
hello old friend emotion, shall we dance?
For I have learned some new moves!