Bill the Magician

“BILL THE MAGICIAN”


INT. PHARMACEUTICAL LABORATORY - DAY

Lots of scientists mill about in white lab coats taking measurements and performing experiments. GEORGE is dressed in a black suit and strides through the room. BILL stands at a table with lots of test tubes on it. Bill wears a white lab coat and examines one of the tubes.


GEORGE
Hey Bill, The Board wanted me to tell you. . .

BILL
                   Just a second.

Bill squeezes a drop into a tube.

BILL
Sorry, I’m really busy today. What did they want?

GEORGE
Well, I The Board is planning on diverting the funds from your budget to other labs in the company.

BILL
                   How much?

GEORGE
                   Most of it.

BILL
                   Do you have any idea. . . ?

GEORGE
Listen Bill, I’m just delivering the message. I don’t want them to do it either. We are going to give you a final review later this week and if you can demonstrate some sort of significant progress, then you will retain your current funds.

Bill rubs his forehead and sighs.

BILL
                   Alright, alright.

Bill bends back down and continues his work. George clears his throat.

GEORGE
                   One more thing.

BILL
                   Yes?

GEORGE
I’m having a party for my son this weekend and I know you sometimes work as a magician. . .

BILL
(laughing)
                   Sure.


INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – NIGHT

The store is small and packed with magician’s hats, wands, cages of rabbits, pigeons, and other knick-knacks. Bill walks into the store and an OLD MAN turns the “open” sign off.

OLD MAN
                   Sorry we’re closing.

BILL
                   I just need a wand.

Bill looks around and spots a black wand with a white tip on the shelf. He grabs it and places it on the counter.

OLD MAN
                   You want that?

BILL
                   Yeah.

OLD MAN
                   150.

BILL
                   One hundred and fifty dollars?

OLD MAN
                   It’s over a hundred years old. Do you want it or not?

Bill looks around the store for another wand.

BILL
                   Alright.

Bill pays the old man.

OLD MAN
                   Be careful.

BILL
                   What?

OLD MAN
                   Be careful.

BILL
                   Ok, I’ll try.

Bill exits.


INT. BILL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Bill sits at the table with spreadsheets of numbers. The wand sits on the table. Bill circles numbers and writes equations in the margins. He rubs his eyes and collects the papers in a stack. He places the wand on top of the stack. Bill pours himself a drink and exits the room.


EXT. SUBURBAN BACKYARD - DAY

Children are playing hide and seek. A group of adults, including George, stand around the porch drinking beer. Bill comes into the yard through a gate. He is wearing a tuxedo, a black cape, and a top hat.

GEORGE
                   Hey Bill, over here.

George grabs another beer and intercepts Bill in the middle of the yard.

GEORGE
                   Here take a drink.

BILL
                   Thanks, George.

They walk toward the group.

GEORGE
Hey I’m really sorry about The Board. I voted for you, but. . .

BILL
Yeah I know. The lab is close, I can promise you that. I just need to find out how I can convince the rest of The Board that we’re close.

George nods.

BILL
(continuing)
Not many people survive stomach cancer, but I believe, I strongly believe, that within the next year our lab can create an effective drug.

George listens awkwardly as Bill gets more passionate.

BILL
(continuing)
They don’t pay me enough for the work I do. I know it’s cliché, but I make sacrifices to help people and the company should too.

GEORGE
Bill, I understand. I want your lab to succeed and I’m going to try to help you.

George puts his arm around Bill. As they arrive at the porch.


EXT. BIRTHDAY PARTY - DAY

Bill stands in front of a table with a black table cloth draped over it. The kids all sit around anxiously.

BILL
Welcome boys and girls to Professor Illusios Mysterious Magic Show!

The adults clap and cheer.

BILL
                   For my first trick. . . oh wait what is that!

Bill walks over to a girl in the front row and pulls a rainbow handkerchief from her ear.

BILL
                   And what is this?

Bill takes the handkerchief off his hand and he’s holding a white dove. The dove lands on a perch on the table.

The kids and adults are fascinated now.

BILL
                   My next trick will involve a magical disappearance.

Bill takes his handkerchief and set it on the table. He taps it once with the wand

BILL
                   Abra. . .

He taps it again

BILL
                   Kadabra. . .


CLOSE – BILLS FACE

He looks up and away as he goes to tap it again


EXT. BIRTHDAY PARTY

Everyone starts to cheer.

BILL
                   Kazam. . .

CLOSE - WAND
Bill’s wand taps the table a third time and the handkerchief is no longer there.

EXT. BIRTHDAY PARTY
Everyone continues to clap in amazement. Bill looks confused as he lifts his wand off the table. He looks around on the ground for the handkerchief and lifts up the table cloth. He pulls another black handkerchief out of his sleeve and looks back down at the table.

CLOSE – GEORGE

Still clapping looks confused.


INT. GEORGE’S KITCHEN - DAY

The kids are outside eating cake. Bill is folding up the table cloth and putting his props away. George walks in and closes the door to the outside.

GEORGE
                   So how’d you do it?

BILL
                   You know I can’t tell you, George.

GEORGE
No, come on. I just want to know about the one where you made the handkerchief disappear.

BILL
                   Let’s just say I had an accomplice in the audience.

GEORGE
                   How do you mean?

BILL
                   What, did you not see?

GEORGE
So you’re telling me that one of the kids was under the table or something and pulled the handkerchief down really fast?

BILL
Ha ha, you must have missed it. When I looked up some kid grabbed the handkerchief away. That’s why everyone was clapping before I finished.

GEORGE
Come on Bill. Quit shitting me. Did you suck it into your wand?

BILL
I. . . don’t really know what. . .

GEORGE
Look, I was watching you really closely the whole time ‘cause I was trying to figure out how your tricks worked and there wasn’t a kid that ran up and took that handkerchief.

BILL
Ok. . . I’ll show you how it was supposed to work.  I’ll do it right here on the table.

Bill takes his wand out from his cloak.

BILL
                   Do you have a napkin or something?

George pulls a white napkin from the drawer.

BILL
Ok, so I put the napkin on the table. Now I hit it twice and say the magic words. Abra, Kadabra and then on the third word Kazam.

A black cloth falls out of Bill’s robe and covers the napkin.

BILL
See, so if this table was black it would look like it disappeared.

GEORGE
                   So the cloth fell out early?

BILL
No it was still in my sleeve. Someone took the handkerchief off the table.

GEORGE
Alright fine, you don’t have to tell me. How much do I owe you again?


INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – EVENING

The Old Man stands behind the desk smoking a pipe. Bill enters the shop.

OLD MAN
                   Back again, eh?

BILL
                   Yeah, do you have any multicolored handkerchiefs?

OLD MAN
Sure do. What’s the matter? Did your last one disappear?

The Old Man searches for the handkerchief behind the counter.

BILL
                   Yeah, some little brat stole it from me.

OLD MAN
Maybe that old wand of yours made it disappear.

BILL
                   It should make things disappear for how much it cost.

The Old Man laughs and places the multicolored handkerchief on the counter.


INT. BILL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Bill scribbles more notes and equations. His wand lies on top of his new handkerchief. He stops writing and looks at the wand.

He picks it up and turns it around, examining it. He knocks it against the table. He smells it.

Bill takes the handkerchief and drops it on top of his papers. He stand up and taps the wand on the handkerchief three times.

BILL
                   Abra, kadabra, kazam.

Now BILL taps the handkerchief in sync with his words.

BILL
                   Abra, kadabra, kazam.

Bill laughs to himself.

He starts to tap the handkerchief again.

BILL
                   Abra, kadabra. . .

He looks up at the ceiling.

BILL
                   Kazam.

Bill looks down and the handkerchief still lies on the table.

He sits back down and brushes the handkerchief off his papers.

Bill picks up his pen and looks for the paper he was writing on. He starts to flip through the paper and isn’t finding what he was looking for.

BILL
                   Where the hell?

Bill searches more franticly and starts to toss each piece of paper on the kitchen floor. He throws off every paper and only the wand and handkerchief are left.


INT. CAFÉ – LUNCHTIME

Bill and George sit at a table eating sandwiches. Bill wears his lab coat and George his suit.

BILL
So I flipped through each page, I threw the damn things on the ground, and not one of them was the one I’d been taking notes on all night.

GEORGE
                   That’s weird.

BILL
                   So I thought. . .

Bill stops and laughs at himself.

BILL
(continuing)
I thought it might have been the wand. I thought, “it was weird how the handkerchief disappeared at the party and so maybe it made the paper disappear.”

GEORGE
                   A magic wand?

BILL
I was pretty tired because I’ve been working a lot lately. So, after the paper was lost, or disappeared, or whatever I kept trying to make more things disappear, but nothing ever did. I started to feel like the wand was making me crazy.

GEORGE
                   Don’t wear yourself out too much Bill.

BILL
I’m doing a show tonight so hopefully it will help me relax a little. You can come if you’d like.

GEORGE
Sure, that’d be great.

Bill scribbles down an address and hands it to George.


INT. MAGIC STAGE IN BAR – NIGHT

Bill is on a stage in the bar. He is dressed in his magician’s tuxedo. It is really late and some patrons drink at the bar. A few of them are turned around to watch Bill. George sits closer to the stage watching Bill closely.

BILL
                   For my next trick I will need an assistant.

Bill looks around the room. George is uncomfortable.

BILL
                   A lady assistant will be preferable.

The only woman in the room is the bartender who shakes her head “no.”

BILL
                   Ok, maybe not a lady. Anyone, just anyone at all.

Bill points at George who looks around him then stands up and walks on stage. Bill pulls a stool into the middle of the stage and George sits on it.

BILL
                   Now I want you to hold this sheet.

Bill pulls out a black sheet and George holds it in front of him.

BILL
                   On the count of three I want you to drop the sheet.

BILL
(continuing and whispering to George)
On two stand up, but make sure you keep your head at the same level.

Bill pulls out his wand and starts hitting it against the sheet.

BILL
                   One, two. . .

George stands up and Bill pushes his stool back into a trap door on the floor.

BILL
(continuing)
                   Three!

Bill looks out at the audience and makes a typical magician bowing-sweeping motion toward where the missing stool should be.

He quickly glances back at George. George holds his hands up, but the sheet is still floating in front of him. George is impressed by the trick.

Bill, still facing the crowd, is frustrated.

BILL
(whispering)
                   George drop the sheet.

GEORGE
                   I did.

Bill, still looking forward. People start to watch his show.

BILL
                   Drop it on the ground so they can see the stool.

GEORGE
                   Bill, what are you. . .

Bill looks back, notices George’s hands, and becomes confused.

BILL
                   What the. . .

Some people in the crowd are clapping. The sheet drops to the ground.


INT. BAR – NIGHT

Bill and George now sit at the bar drinking beer. George seems cheerful and Bill examines his wand intensely.

BILL
                   I swear George, this wand did something up there.

GEORGE
                   How do you mean?

BILL
                   You took your hands off the sheet, right?

GEORGE
                   Yeah when you told me to. . .

BILL
It wasn’t supposed to do that. It wasn’t the trick. The sheet was floating by itself.

GEORGE
                   Now I really think you’re crazy.

BILL
You saw it George. I don’t have any strings. There’s no setup, nothing. The sheet wasn’t supposed to float and if you weren’t doing something, if you really didn’t do anything, it was floating by itself.

GEORGE
                   So the sheet was really magic?

BILL
I think it’s the wand. You see, I bought this at a magic store for $150 and at the time I thought it was outrageous, but I’m thinking it has some sort of inexplicable physical properties.

GEORGE
                   Now the wand is magic.

BILL
I’m a scientist and I definitely don’t believe in magic, but I do believe in science. Maybe, somehow, this wand is able to change physical laws. Maybe it caused the particles in the sheet to not be pulled by the force of gravity. It’s known to happen on the quantum level all the time, but it’s usually impossible to observe these quantum particles breaking the laws of physics on a large scale. Although it’s unlikely, almost to the point of impossibility, it is possible for these things to be observable. Maybe this wand causes this very unlikely circumstance to occur.

George is now engaged in the conversation.

GEORGE
                   Why would it be that wand? It’s just a piece of wood.

BILL
Exactly. It doesn’t make any sense, but the handkerchief, my lost paper, and now this sheet, they all happened when I was using this wand.

GEORGE
                   They do seem like unlikely coincidences.

BILL
I’m going to go ask the guy who sold me this wand about it. He seemed to know about it.


INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – MORNING

Bill walks in and the Old Man stands up from behind the counter.

Bill pulls the wand out of his pocket and places it on the counter in front of the Old Man.

BILL
                   How does this wand work?

The Old Man laughs for a few seconds.

OLD MAN
What do you mean, how does it work? It’s a wand, you wave it around and say some words and it works.

BILL
I think it’s been making things disappear and making things float. It’s able to defy the laws of nature and you seemed to know a lot about it.

OLD MAN
                   That’s what wands do. They do magic.

BILL
But this one is actually doing magic. I want to know how to use it to do more than magic tricks.

OLD MAN
Sorry, but it’s a magician’s wand. It only does magic tricks. If it could do more I wouldn’t be in this store selling this stuff.

BILL
                   So you aren’t going to tell me how it works are you?

The Old Man stares at Bill

BILL
Fine, we’ll see. I’ll let you know when I’ve figured this thing out.


INT. LABORATORY - MORNING

The lab is busy and research is once again in full swing. Bill views various print outs of the wand in x-ray, infrared, etc. As he bends down closer to examine a print out George walks up behind him.

GEORGE
(quietly)
                   Hey, Bill.

Bill looks up at George. Bill looks very distracted.

BILL
George, so I went to the shop this morning and saw the old guy. He seemed like he knew something, but he wouldn’t tell me about the wand. I’ve decided I should run a few tests on it and try to figure it out. I’ve got a sample of the wand in the spectrometer right now and another. . .

GEORGE
Wait a minute. I’m interested in the wand too and I want to figure it out, but The Board. . .

BILL
You’re right George, but here’s how I see it, if I figure this thing out we’re going to be able to cure any type of cancer. We could cure AIDS, stop wars, do you have any idea how much good this could do?

GEORGE
The Board is taking a walk through in a few hours and your review is tomorrow.

BILL
I need your help, George. We need to convince the board that we are very close to a development. This isn’t entirely untrue, but really I just need you to hold them off long enough so that I can figure this thing out.

GEORGE
(lowers his voice)
                   What exactly do I need to do?

BILL
                   Hold off the walk through for as long as you can.


INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – MORNING

The Old Man eats noodles at the counter. Bill walks in with the wand in his hands.

BILL
Listen up old man, if you don’t tell me how this wand works, then millions of people might die. If you know anything I need you to tell me, now.

OLD MAN
It can only do magic tricks, that’s it. You expect too much.

Bill walks into the back of the store and quickly grabs two cages, each with five white rabbits in them.

BILL
                   Ok then, I’ll just use these instead.


INT. BILL’S CAR - MORNING

Bill is driving. He looks at his watch then looks into the back seat at the rabbits.


INT. LABORATORY - NOON

Bill mixes a clear solution with water in a beaker. He pours the solution into a bunny water bottle.

Bill feeds each of the rabbits in one cage this mixture.


INT. LOBBY TO THE LABORATORY - NOON

The Board is in the lobby. They are group of old men and women wearing suits. They whisper to each other impatiently.

The PRESIDENT speaks into his ASSISTANT’s ear.

PRESIDENT
Please inform George that we must start the tour now and that if his stomach still doesn’t agree with him, then he needs to take a private tour later.


INT. BATHROOM - NOON

George sits on the toilet and when he hears the door opening he groans.

The Assistant clears his throat.

ASSISTANT
I think the Board is about to start the tour, George, and if you are feeling too ill you might want to take a private tour later.

GEORGE
                   I’ll be there in a moment.


INT. LABORATORY - NOON

The Board Members walk into the lab in a single file line. George is at the back of the line, sweating.

Bill’s hair has been combed and a pair of safety glasses sit on his head.

BILL
                   Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman.

He shakes hands with the man in the front.

BILL
I’m delighted that you stopped by today to see all the exciting breakthroughs we’ve been making. We have a very promising chemical that we’ve developed recently and which in its initial tests is proving extremely effective in battling gastric cancer.

Bill starts to lead the group of Board Members through the laboratory.

BILL
This chemical is inexpensive and is administered intravenously into the patient. Now I’m going to show you exactly what this chemical has done in tests and what it might do for us.

Bill comes up to the two rabbit cages. A sheet has been draped over the cages and the rabbits can be heard scurrying about.

Bill pulls off the sheet. In one cage the rabbits are lively and moving about. In the other cage the rabbits are sickly and appear to be dying as we watch them. Bill has poisoned one group of rabbits.

The Board Members murmur among themselves and move closer to see the rabbits.

George looks on amazed, but scared.

After a few moments Bill draws the sheet back over the rabbits.

BILL
Hopefully this has demonstrated the strides which this lab has made in the past few months, but I would also like to show you some graphs which have charted the effectiveness of this new chemical that we’ve developed.


INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT

All of the workers have left except for Bill who works furiously at his desk looking over data and charts. The wand lies on the table.

George walks into the lab and comes up beside Bill. In one cage all the rabbits have died, in the other there are healthy rabbits.

GEORGE
                   Did you kill those things?

BILL
                   Yeah.

GEORGE
                   God damn, Bill. So what are you planning on doing now?

BILL
                   What do you mean?

GEORGE
                   What the hell are we going to do now?

BILL
I am going to figure this damn thing out and this will be the greatest discovery in the last thousand years.

GEORGE
                   So have you figured anything out?

BILL
                   Well it’s made of cherry and. . .

Bill stares off screen.

BILL
                   Holy shit, George.

GEORGE
                   What?

BILL
In the cage! There are only four rabbits in the cage. There were five but now. . .

There are four dead rabbits in one cage and five live ones in the other.

GEORGE
                   So what, you think it’s the wand again.

BILL
I was playing around with it earlier. I was just saying random things like zoomba, battam, schazam, you know shit like that.

GEORGE
It could have gotten away or someone could have thrown it away because they are all dead.

BILL
                   No, I’ve been here all day.

Bill picks up wand.

GEORGE
Bill, you need to stop now. You need to go home, get some sleep, and come back and start your research again. It’s a wand, Bill. If you don’t stop The Board will find out, through me, and your lab will be closed for good.

BILL
                   Ok George, I understand.

GEORGE
Just get some sleep and show up tomorrow for the board meeting.


INT. BOARDROOM – MORNING

All the members sit around a large table. Some tap their pens on the desk impatiently. Some of the members glare at George.

GEORGE
                   Wait just a minute everyone.

George stands up.

PRESIDENT
You have fifteen minutes, George. If he’s not here in fifteen minutes we’re voting.

George walks out of the room dialing his phone.


INT. OUTSIDE BOARDROOM - MORNING

George listens to the phone ring. No one picks. He starts to run.


INT. LABORATORY - MORNING

George runs into the lab to where the cages were. Only the cage with the dead rabbits remains. Bill isn’t in sight. George runs over to another SCIENTIST.

GEORGE
                   Where is Bill? Where is Bill?

SCIENTIST
He’s probably in the supply closet. He’s been there all morning.

George runs over and opens the closet.

There are three rabbits in the cage.

There is a dead, dismembered rabbit in a trash can by the door.

Another rabbit lies on the floor bleeding.

Bill is standing on a chair in the middle of the room over the bleeding rabbit. He is staring up at the ceiling.

BILL
                   Abazaba, gizzam, fabbadabba, zoomily, bam!

GEORGE
                   God Bill, what the hell. . . ?

BILL
George, I’m glad you’re here. Last night after you left another. . .

GEORGE
                   Bill.

BILL
                   Just wait and let me tell. . .

GEORGE
                   No stop! This is over.

Bill stands on the chair in a daze.

GEORGE
Either you come with me to the board meeting right now and admit that it was a fraud or I go by myself and tell them. If you come with me you can at least plead for your job.

BILL
Damn it, George! Don’t do this now, not when I’m so close! Give me one more day. Just one more day and I’ll. . .

George rushes toward Bill and tries to grab the wand from Bill’s hands. They struggle over the wand and Bill rams George into a shelf of chemicals. The glass containers fall and break. Some of the chemicals spill onto George.

George looks down at his body to make sure he’s alright.

Bill runs out of the room with the wand clutched in his hands.


EXT. STREET – DAY

Bill is running franticly down the street while looking behind him.


INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE - DAY

Bill bursts into the store. The Old Man is still behind the counter.

Bill slams his wand on the table.

BILL
                   Please, I just need to know.


INT. THEATER – NIGHT

A small audience sits around tables drinking. The place is about half full and smoky.

Bill is on stage in his black cape and top hat.

BILL
                   Now I will make a rabbit disappear, but first. . .

Bill reaches into his cloak and slowly pulls out the wand.

BILL
(continuing)
                   a wand with ancient magic powers.

Bill holds up the rabbit for everyone to see.

He takes off his hat and shows everyone the inside and out. He taps the top of it with his hand.

Bill sets the top hat on a table and lowers the rabbit into the hat.

He leans his head back and starts to tap the wand on the hat.

BILL
                   Abra, kadabra, kazam.

Bill picks up the empty hat and shows it to the audience.


CLOSE - INSIDE OF THE HAT

It is empty.




END