A Spamslinger Halloween Love Story

This story was written for the Spamslingers. The prompts are listed below, and we had to include the names of our fellow Spamslingers. Most of my contest buddies picked poetry, I chose to do a story. Hope you enjoy the stupidity!


Brain Hemorrhage
The Maggotini
Black Widow
Blue Voodoo
Corpse Reviver
After Dark
Alien Secretion
Bloody Brew
Creepy Crawler
Death by Fire
Devil's Kiss
Devil's Poison
Dra'Kahlua
Ignus Fatuus
Jack O'Tini
Moontini
Pumpkin Eater
Red Zombie
Snake Bite
Swamp Thing
Vampire Blood
Wreath of Barbs

A Halloween Love Story, Spamslingers Style

Katya was a lonely Black Widow, who’s husband Bill had died of a massive Brain Hemorrhage. She didn’t think she could live without her little Pumpkin Eater, so she went to the Corpse Reviver for some Vampire Blood. The Corpse Reviver, known as Ravenwand, informed Katya she had no Vampire Blood , and offered her some Devils Poison instead. Katya politely said “No thank you!” and hoisted Bill’s limp body over her shoulder.

The Halloween Wytche lived just two blocks east of the Swamp. Thing is, Katya had never been to the swamp, and she became terribly lost. It was way after dark, and colder than the Devil’s Kiss. She stumbled over a nest of Creepy Crawlers, and her right foot became entangled in a Wreath of Barbs. Bill went flying and his lifeless corpse crumpled against a fallen tree, his bones in a Bloody Brew.

Cursing, Katya reached into her pocket for her Acme cigarette lighter. When the flame roared to life, she was startled to see a Red Zombie looming hungrily just inches from her face. “Crap on toast with Alien Secretion!” she screamed, and tore herself from the Wreath of barbs just as the lighter set the forest floor aflame. Fearing Death By Fire, Katya kicked the Red Zombie in the Ignus Fatus. She scooped up bloodied Bill and ran… smack-dab into Dra’Kahlua. “I vant to suck your blood!” Dra’Kahlua roared. Katya pointed at his name tag and began laughing. “You spelled your own name wrong!” she squeaked, barely able to hold her bladder. Dra’Kahlua looked down at his name tag, and in his thick Romanian accent, replied, “Oh, it looks like I have… Stay right here while I get that name tag changed and I’ll be back later to suck your blood!”

Katya wasn’t about to stick around for Dra’Kahlua’s return, so she bolted for the Halloween Wytche’s cabin. She knocked on the door and a peephole opened. “Whaddya want?” croaked the woman inside.

“I’ve come here to bring my beloved Bill back to life!”

The croaky woman opened the door and let Katya inside. She piled Bill on a stack of used magazines and sat down at a round wooden table in the center of the room. Kattwoman, Lady Boo boo and Lorien were there, sharing mixed drinks and Caramel Apples “I only know Blue Voodo,” the Wytch replied.

The Halloween Wytche grabbed her Martini making kit and quickly brewed a Maggotini, JackOtini and Moontini and poured several drops of each down Bill’s lifeless throat.

“Nothing’s happening!” whined Katya. The Wytch backhanded her.

“Be patient! Rome wasn’t built in a day!”

Katya wondered what the Hell that idiom had to do with the situation but she thought better not to ask.

“Now for the finishing touch, a Snake Bite!” The Wytch withdrew a sizeable Copperhead from a black leather bag and held it to Bill’s thigh. The snake impaled his battered flesh and delivered a massive dose of venom.

With a sound like a vacuum hose sucking up a bottle cap, Bill drew in a long breath and sat upright on the stack of magazines. “Darling, you have come back to me!” Katya screamed, and launched herself at her formerly dead husband. Bill was silent as he tolerated the hug, then pushed her away. Holding her a good two feet from his body he said, “I’m sorry, honey, you don’t smell bad enough, there’s another love that has caught my ardor!”

“Who is the Red Headed Slut? I’ll give her a black eye!”

“Well, she lives beneath a pile of leaves,” he began, “And she smells like Feta Cheese…”