Graciela

For the first time in almost thirty years, Graciela’s feet hurt.  The red 4 ½ inch stilettos had been killing her since she strapped them on at 9:00 the night before, and now at 4:30 a.m. she could barely walk upright.  She used to be able to work heels with the best of them; there were a few times when she would go days without taking them off.  Now she couldn’t wait to get rid of them.


                The buzzing of the streetlights overhead wafted lazily in and out of her ears, humming through the wrinkles and folds of her brain as the orange lights lit the lonely walk home.  Graciela wrapped the cheap stole tighter around her shoulders, feeling its rough hair chafe against her back.  The crickets were even asleep at this point, so all she had to listen to was the clicking of her heels bouncing off of the brick buildings to the right of her.  Out of the six years she had spent on this street, it wasn’t until now that she realized how remote it was.  It was a backstreet, actually, one that looked like the handle of the block of streets.  It was basically the street people used when they wanted to avoid the scenic route, behind all of the townhomes and their cramped, fenced backyards.  They all looked the same; quiet, sloppy, and half run-down, and yet tonight, they all looked peaceful.  For once they looked like a place that someone could actually fall asleep in, a place to eat, relax and laugh, a place to call home.  It sounded so good and Graciela was finally going to have it once the sun came up.  As of now, Graciela was walking her way into a new life. 


                Ever since she was sixteen, she had gone from street to ratty, filthy street (How many exactly?  Who knew.  She lost track by the time she hit thirty), some she stayed at for years, others she stayed at for days.  She had her fair share of fights too, from younger girls not knowing their place to pimps trying to claim her as their own, there had been many reasons.  Hell, she even remembered getting socked for trying to steal a client’s wallet on more than one occasion.  Graciela chuckled and shook her head.  She was definitely hell when she was younger, always trying to prove something, always ready to fight, usually getting into them, always in some form of trouble.  How anyone could stand her was beyond her.  For a long time it was the life; she made her own hours, stayed out all night, made good money and got whatever she wanted handed to her.  Oh yeah, she was living great, and she never once regretted kissing her shitty old life goodbye…


                But soon, this was about to be her old life…


                It was a year and a half ago that Graciela decided to change.  The change came on January 6, 2008, at 3:42 a.m., weighing a healthy 6 lbs 2 oz.  He was a medical miracle considering the fact that she was 43 years old at the time she gave birth.  She named him Graham.


                She remembered how his skin felt like satin as she trailed a finger across his glowing, rosy cheeks.  She remembered how bright his eyes were, how the green and grey swirled around each other, as if they each held their own worlds.  She couldn’t remember any trick she turned having those beautiful eyes, and they sure as hell didn’t come from her side.  It looked like Graham was the best of both worlds.


                Graciela held him for the first and last time that night as he mostly slept, cradled in the crook of her arm, his breath leaving a small warm spot on her chest.  He looked like such an angel that night with the moon shining on him through the window.  Every breath she recaptured went straight to her heart, making it thump against her chest.  He hardly cried, it was more of a cooing sound, a sound that made Graciela smile.  She sat up for hours watching Graham sleep, eat, sneeze, twitch, blink.  She couldn’t remember the sun coming up or hearing the staff move throughout the hall.  There was just him.  After that night, it was all about him.


                She softly kissed Graham’s forehead as a tear ran down her cheek and landed on his.  He opened his eyes and turned towards her as she slowly handed him to the nurse, his green-grey worlds leaving her own.  He made a noise and Graciela turned away, her throat becoming so tight it hurt.  She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to concentrate on anything other than that of her baby being taken away.  There were no birds singing from the other side of the window, no sun shining on her face, no reassuring hand to comfort her.  All she had was the void of emptiness from her closed eyes and the sound of her heart beat.  The beat she shared with her baby.  The beat she would no longer hear, the blood she would no longer feel between them.  She would love him forever, like she had never loved before.


                Graciela’s knees gave out and she crumpled to the floor, tears streaming down her face, her sobs echoing through the hall.  By the time she left the hospital her head was pounding and her body felt drained.  There was no one there to greet her, no ride home, no baby.  It was the most lonely that she had ever felt.


                Graciela had given Graham up for adoption because she knew that she couldn’t give him what deserved then, and ever since she had been striving to become what he needed, what he deserved, and what she wanted to be. For a year and a half she had a new purpose, a new motivation that kept her in the streets.  And now that she had the money that she needed, she was done.  She was done with being an old hag of the streets, done with her old life. 


                Graciela smiled to herself as she folded her arms.  Home was looking better and better, and she couldn’t wait to go to sleep and wake up to a new morning.