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Rated: E · In & Out · Melodrama · #1593515
My fictional answer to this wonderful question
Question- What is the last thing you did that was very sneaky?

Well, once I broke into my teacher’s office (with a key) in the wee hours of the morning and put my assignment, due the day before, on the floor. I strategically placed it so that it looked like my assignment had been at the bottom of the pile in her pigeon hole, and that she had dropped it somehow. When she asked me where my assignment was a couple of hours later, and informed me my grade was already automatically deducted 20%, her tone was so withering I actually felt my viscera contract. I donned the most confused and appalled expression as I pleaded innocence. Obligingly, we went to check the office. She immediately apologised for being so abrupt and told me she had tremendous faith in me, looking me straight in the eye and holding her hand on my shoulder. I got the highest mark in the class. The guilt still girdles me.

Would you like to know how I obtained the key?
Two months earlier the teacher had asked me to retrieve some study equipment out of a storage room. The teacher’s keys were simply threaded onto a red ribbon which had a massive old knot in it. On the way to the building I tripped and the keys went flying, landing on the limestone edge of a retaining wall at least 15 metres from where I fell. The ribbon broke and flew into the air whilst the twenty something keys scattered in a wide perimeter, but nowhere near me. As I looked down to the ground in resignation, preparing to heave myself up again; I saw a golden key, 2 inches from my nose, clearly engraved, in rather fancy lettering, ‘Main Office’. I had seen this key before a few times and had on several occasions daydreamt about how handy and fun it might be, to have a copy of that key.

I looked around as I put my hand over it and there was not a soul to be seen. I sat up and slipped the key into my sock, deep down into my shoe. The first other key I found was about 10 metres away; I thought, and still think- this is meant to be. It really was too good too be true, impossible. I collected all the other keys I could find and went back. The teacher sent out a search party of 6 students, and we all had a good hunt for it. But eventually it was concluded that the combination of sand, mud and debris plus the unusual light golden colour of the key made it impossible to find. My suggestion that one of the dozens of magpies around the area could have nicked off with it was also well met. My split-second plan was working.

Luckily, for I hadn’t considered it in my haste, there was a spare key so no locksmiths would be required. So on my walk home that afternoon, feeling the solid weight of the key rub against my ankle bone and the side of my heel in a way that should have been painful, but instead I was filled with a strangely voyeuristic glee; as the owner of a blister James Bond would be proud of - I felt no pain.

I never imagined at that point that I would use the key for my grades, or anything besides mischief. I was mentally orchestrating silly little pranks; like switching the computers off at the wall (like she should to save energy, anyway) so she would think they were broken and call tech support, and be embarrassed, or like changing the time on all the clocks, or the dates on the calendars and stamps. All of these of course closely monitored by said teacher, in her office, and bound to drive her slightly batty.

The worst thing to cross my mind was the idea to implant some sort of hidden microphone to discover if the- long standing- rumours that the teacher and the head of school were involved in some extracurricular activities of their own held any merit. Tho that was only entertained for a second because the prospect of having to listen to or see that particular interlude quite frankly made me want to claw my eyes out.

Alas, I didn’t get the chance to fulfil any of my quirky little fantasies.

Later in the semester I found myself extremely busy and working 2 jobs out of necessity, as well as studying full time and this assignment snuck up on me. Out of nowhere, I swear. I am a top student, but I had lost count of the semester weeks and due dates. I was 2 minutes late to lecture that day, so everyone was already seated, and when I walked in I heard the teacher talking about assignments being due in her pigeon hole at 5pm- Sharp. I stopped short in the shadows, although I secretly (but surely!) felt as though my heart beat was sure to betray me, sans light. The teacher then proceeded to pointedly remind everyone that extensions were no longer permissible. Her big brown bun, secured with a single chopstick, wobbled violently on top of her head with every syllable.

The ends of her dress, cut into flimsy strips, fell like crepe octopus tentacles from the teachers knees, the fabric stretched tight around her fat hips and thighs. It made her look a lot like a giant green squid. I felt a bead of sweat run from my forehead and down my nose where I watched it dangle there, wobble, and drip onto my watch. It was 2.19. I immediately turned out of the lecture hall without anyone seeing me and ran home.

I commenced the project at top speed with plenty of coffee and vitamin B capsules. It took me 13 straight hours; I slept fitfully for about an hour, and then formulated my plan to avoid the 20% penalty that surely may cause me to fail. Considering I did the whole assignment in a day when it should have had five, every point is precious.

My scholarship could be at risk, my finances already desperate. The key, delivered by fate, was still hidden in the shoe at my house. It was still dark when I left. I even took pains not to walk on the crunchy cold grass, so as not to leave tracks in the frost behind me.



Fiction by Lee Burnette

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