Forever Stained In Twilight

Opening:

        Where ever you go, someone's looking over you whether you know it or you don't. Sometimes I wonder if that's true for me; for an orphan.

        My life's been simple until that dreaded night where everything changed. With no family, no friends, and no protection, I live in the streets by myself. It's crazy, I know, but what else could I do? There was no way I would keep holding up space for much more needy children. Cruel, but this is reality; despite me not wanting it to be.

        Which is why I continueously think about having somewhere where reality can't touch me, reach me. I need a place where I can feel at home and not worry about whether I'll live to see another day. So, here I begin my journey to find a home with love, opening arms, accepting people, and friends.
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Chapter 1: Discovery

        The clock in the dully lit streets chimes two thirty in the morning. I couldn't get to sleep last night because I was plagued with nightmares of my past. So, instead of trying to force something that couldn't be accomplished, I decided to just walk around and get used to the feel of London.

        In my opinion, it wasn't a stupid choice, but in others' eyes it was. A ten-year-old girl, soon to be eleveen, walking in the dark and deserted streets of a large city with no protection except the ability to run and hide. In fact, others would probably think that I'm scared being out on my own, but I'm really not all that frightened by it. Sure there are moments where I run into shady characters, but my natrual ability to think quick on my feet always, if not protect, me.

        Don't get the wrong idea, however, that I'm arrogant and cocky. I'm just inquisitive and open minded. Oh, and I have the uncanny ability to make up things that turn out to be real. So, in that sense, I'm a very creative person who doesn't worry about being called wierd and strange and odd. My belief is that the more odd you are, the more likely you are to meet new people and explore new grounds.

        I know by now that you probably wonder how I ended up on the streets of London and without parents. I don't really like talking about it, but I have to find some way to answer the question: "Where are your parents and why are you all alone?" So, I'll give a vague description of how it happened and why I perfer not to talk about it openly.

        I was only five or seven when my mum divoriced my dad and they went their seperate ways. Still being the young child that I was, I chose to stay with mum and visit dad occasionally. Everything seemed to be going alright despite the fact that my mum had to work long hours in a restuarnt serving peolple and we didn't have a bunch of money. One night she comes home late, as usual, but something changed in her and I didn't understand what it was. She started becoming more and more distant and she started becoming angry with me for no reason.

        Before long, I began to get scared and started staying with dad for longer and longer amounts of time. By the time September first came around, my mum's birthday, my dad recieves word that she had hung herself in my room. At the time, the detectives didn't understand what had caused her to do such an extreme thing and told me that she fell sick and couldn't take care of herself.

        Being the curious person I am, I decided to look further into it and came to the conclusion that she had actually hung herself when she realized that she had caused me pain that couldn't be healed. I was the reason for mum's death? The thought still haunts me to this very day, gnawing at my insides and eating away at my time to think.

        As time went by, my dad and I grew more distant until it got to the point of us ignoring each other completely. I couldn't stop thinking that all of this, my parents' divorce and our money issues, was entirely my fault. Desperate for the guilt to release me from its clutches, I began to scramble any lose change I could find and give it to dad. Each day became harder and harder to bear until finally I just left and seeked refuage in the local orphanage.

        Much to my disbelief, they accepted me with opened arms and said that if I needed anything, just give them a call and they will be there to help. The thought that someone didn't mind looking over me squashed the guilt out of my body and gave me something that I thought didn't exsist: a peace of mind. Everything was turning out alright until the orphanage got wind of a whole group of orphans that were being dumped in thier care. I guess they started to panic and began to move out all of the older kids and then the slightly younger ones.

        I fell into the catagory of 'underage' so I stayed but I wasn't happy about it because I felt that the workers needed more space despite them saying they didn't. I didn't understand what made me want to leave so badly, but I finally managed to convince them and Mother Grace, the head, allowed it when I turned ten and three months old. Satisfied, I left them alone and went on about living.

        A few months passed by and then a few years and finally I was welcomed to leave. Sister Anne made me promise her that I would wirte constantly and come back whenever the streets were too much for me to handle and I promised without hesitation. So, that is the story of how I ended up out on the streets by myself. My reason for not wanting to explain it: it causes to much pain to recall all of it.





(incomplete)