The Wedding

The Wedding

The Fifth Date

A nice restaurant overlooking a lake in Wisconsin.

Sue: This is the nicest time I’ve ever had.

John: I’m glad you're enjoying it.

Sue: First dinner and then we go square dancing.

John: That's the plan.

Sue: It should be fun.

John: I think we'll have a good time.

Sue: (Pensive) It's so peaceful and beautiful here.

John: The food's good too.

Waitress comes up and begins serving the main course.

Sue: This's delicious.

John: Try the wine.

Sue: Mmm, what is it?

John: A German wine, Auslase.

Sue: It’s sweet.

John: So are you.

They continue eating.

Sue: Why did you bring me here?

John: It's part of the package.

Sue: Designed to do what?

John: Get you in a good mood.

Sue: Mood for what?

John: I want you to like me as much as I like you.

Sue: Don't duck the question.

John: I want you to feel comfortable with me.

They continue eating

Sue: How could I not be comfortable?

John: That’s not what I mean.

Sue: Are you uncomfortable?

John: Sort of

Squirms around.

Sue: Uncomfortable with the seat or being around me?

They continue eating.

John: I don’t know what it is exactly.

Sue: For heavens sake John, then tell me inexactly.

John: Sometimes you make me feel tense.

Sue: I make you nervous?

John: Yeah, that’s it.

She puts her hand on his leg beneath the table.

Sue: Is that better?

John: Ahhh...Yes and no.

John shifts about in chair. They continue eating. Sue finishes and pushes back plate. Sips her wine.

Sue: Talk about comfortable, I’m stuffed.

John finishes his meal and stretches back.

John: Me too.

John reaches out with his fingers touching her knee, and takes a deep breath. A tremor goes through his body. She puts her hand on his and squeezes.

Sue: You’re so up-tight.

John begins looking for the waitress:

Sue: What are you doing?

Moves about uncomfortably.

John: Maybe we could go for a drive.

Sue: Maybe we could stay right here... and have some desert.

John: Oh Yeah, forgot about that.

Sue: Do you like deserts?

John: Of course. What would you like?

Signals the waitress.

Sue: A dish of vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup would be nice.

Waitress comes over.

John: A sundae and piece of apple pie.

Sue begins rubbing his hand along the top of her thigh.

Sue: Do you like apple pie? (Gives him an intense look)

John: It’s my favorite.

Sue: I dropped my napkin on the floor, can you see it?

John: No I can’t.

Sue: Look under the table, its near the floor.

John crunches down looking under the table. He sees it waving in her hand. As he takes note Sue raises her skirt and spreads her legs. No white is showing.

John: Oh my god...!

Sue: What is it John?

He jerks his head up and bangs the table.

John: Ouch!

Sue: Are you OK?

He looks at her, wide eyed. Sue is eating her sundae.

Sue: Mmm (Rubs her lips with tongue.) How’s the apple pie?

John: (Takes a bite) Very good.... better than expected.


The Tenth Date

Sue and John are sitting on the tail gate of his pickup truck. They are on a bank overlooking the Wisconsin River.

Sue: This is so beautiful... the moon, the stars.

John: I love it out here, I’m glad you do too.

Sue: Do you like my outfit? (Wearing a blouse the top unbuttoned and a square dancing skirt.)

John: You look awesome... did we have a good time or what? (John claps his hands and sasshays around.)

Sue: (Unbuttons a second button) Do you ever wonder about me?

John: Do I? You’re the most "wonder" -ful girl I ever met.

Sue: No I mean really wonder?

John: Wonder about what?

Sue: Don’t you ever just wonder about things? (Sits up straight showing her cleavage.)

John: (Jaw drops open) Yeah, I wonder about that a lot...

Sue: (Pushes her breasts together and leans towards him) You wonder about what I have hiding here under the lace?

John: Yes.

Sue: And what they look like?

John Yes.

Sue: Even though you’ve never seen them, you’ve got to been wondering.

John: All three.

Unbuttons her blouse to waist.

Sue: I think its time you saw the truth, the whole truth and nothing but...How about it bigboy?

John: Twist my arm!

Sue slips her arms out of the sleeves and the blouse falls to her hips. Her breasts are revealed in a white bra. She turns her back.

Sue: I can never seem to get these clasps loose. Will you help me?

John is breathing hard, his hands tremble, fumbling about.

Sue: Are you having trouble?

John: I can’t seem to get them loose. Wait I think I got one.

Sue: There’s another right below it.

John: Yeah, I know, I’m trying.

Sue: Take your time, I know how hard it can be.

Twists looking back and puts her hand on his crotch.

Sue: You don’t have to tell me how hard it is.

John groans...

John: There! I got it loose.

Sue: You’re a man of many talents. Now step around.

John complies and sees Sue holding her bra with both hands.

Sue: Would you be embarrassed by a little peek.

John: I like it when you tease me.

Sue: Ta dah!

Throws bra into truck bed.

Sue: What do you think?

John: You have the most beautiful tits in the world.

Sue: How many other pairs have you seen?

John: Only yours.... oh and my sisters’

Sue: Huh?

John: Only for a second... once when she came out of the shower... was she ever mad!

Sue: And she should have been...! Why you sneaker and peeker.

John: No! I swear, it was an accident.

Sue: If you say so.

John: No! Its true.

Sue: OK John, it’s OK... Now since you’ve never met them before, maybe you need to be introduced.

John: Introduced?

Sue: Come closer and you know... introduce yourself.

John: What should I do?

Sue: Don’t you know anything about introductions?

John: Kinda...

Sue: Then go ahead.

John: "Hello ladies, I’m John and I can't imagine two prettier titties."

Sue: There! was that so difficult?

John: I guess not.

Sue holds one up to her ear as if its whispering and then the other.

Sue: Honey, they want to know if you will give them a little kiss.

John: Huh?

Sue: Don’t worry they won’t bite, step up here now.

John steps up and kisses the side of each breast.

Sue: Was that so difficult?

John: It was kinda nice.

She pretends they are whispering again.

Sue: They want a little french kiss.

John Huhhhh?

Sue: (Exasperated) Put your lips on my nipples.

John: Like this?

Embraces Sue and begins sucking her boobs.

Sue: Yeah, just like that, cowboy.


The First Time.

John: I appreciate you coming by and helping with the chores.

Sue: I needed to talk with you.

John: About what?

Sue: We seem to be getting serious and I need to know if you feel about me the same way I feel about you.

John: I love you Sue.

Sue: Don’t say that if you don’t mean it... that’s not something you just throw out there when you can’t think of anything else to say.

John: I mean it Sue. I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you.

Sue: Please! We’ve only had a dozen dates.

John: I’d have loved you if we hadn’t had any.

Sue: That’s so sweet, do you really mean it?

John: With all my heart.

Sue: What’s come over you?

John: Nothing! You could have come by any time the past year and I’d have told you the same thing.

Sue: You’ve been in love with me for a year?

John: You bettcha.

Sue: Why didn’t you say something?

John: I did, I asked you for a date.

Sue: That was two months ago.

John: It took awhile to get up the nerve.

Sue: Come over here and kiss me.

They embrace and begin to get passionate.

John: Do I get another introduction?

Sue: Yes you do!

She pulls her blouse off and reaches back unsnapping her bra. He takes off his shirt off; then throws a blanket down on the straw. He lays her back and begins kissing her mouth and nuzzling her breasts. She begins breathing heavily. As he kneels over her she reaches up and fumbles with his belt buckle.

John: Maybe we ought to slow down.

Sue: Maybe we ought to keep going.

John takes his pants off and drops his boxer shorts. She raises her dress revealing nothing underneath.

Sue: Get on top of me.

John: Like this?

Sue: Yeah, like that. Now hand it over.

John moves his erection closer to her vagina. She grabs hold and begins working it inside.

John: I love you Sue, I love you I love you.

Sue: I love you John, I love you too... ouch!

John: What’s wrong.

Sue: I think you broke my hymen..

John: Are you OK?

Sue: Go ahead... Ouch, ouch.... slow down there ... stop you’re hurting me.

John: What do you want me to do?

Sue: Pull it out.

John complies. His erection is stained with blood.

John: I didn't think you were still a virgin.

Sue: How sweet of you to say so.

John: Are you OK?

Sue: Where do you keep the paper towels?


The Proposal.

Sue: Do you think anyone will recognize the pick-up?

John: We're a hundred miles from home.

Sue: Yeah, but what if someone we know drives up?

John: We’re parked behind the Holiday Inn.

Sue: Don’t matter... It’ll be all over town.

John: Nobody’s gonna know.

Sue: I can hear it now. "Saw John’s pickup parked at the Holiday Inn... what do you think that’s all about?"

John: Stop it now Sue!

Sue: Don’t you start ordering me around.... Like you're my husband.

John: After the barn, I wanted this to be something special... that’s all.

Sue: Then come over here and kiss me.

John: Want me to take a shower first?

Sue: No! I want you to come over here.

They get undressed and get into bed.

John: Like we did it before?

Sue: Yeah, just like before but this time don’t be so eager.

Sue takes him and guides it inside.

John: I need you so bad ... I love you so much... I’m so sorry about the barn.

Sue: Will you stop apologizing? We really need to get past that.

John: OK .... Thank-you, thank-you,... ohhhh thank you.

Sue: Kiss me, Kiss me, ohhhh.

John: You feel so good honey, you feel so good.

Sue: Keep going.... that’s it.... don’t stop.

John: Am I pushing too hard?

Sue: No, you’re just fine.... don’t stop.

John: You're so beautiful... how was I ever so lucky?

Sue: Suck um, suck um hard.

John: You taste so good.

Sue: Easy, back and forth... easy.... slow, back and forth!

John: I have to stop for a minute.

Sue: No! No! Don’t do that to me... I’m coming.

John: No! there’s something I have to ask you.

Sue: Oh God! Why are you doing this? Why did you stop?

John: So you could answer a very important question.

Sue: Ask me, ask me but please don’t leave me hanging.

John: Will you marry me?

Sue: Oh yes! yes!, I will! I mean I do! I You know what I mean.

John: That’s all I wanted to know.

Sue: Couldn't you have found a more appropriate time?

John: I wanted to have your attention.

Sue: OK, OK, Now love me John, just love me.

John. That’s what I’m doing.... move like we’re dancing.


Getting Permission

John: Sir, I want to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.

Mr. Wilson: What?

John: I want to marry your daughter, sir.

Mr. Wilson: What does she think about the idea?

John: If its OK with you... she says, it’s OK with her.

Mr. Wilson: You’re Lutheran and We’re Catholic.

John: Is that a problem?

Mr. Wilson: Only if you make it one.

John: If I don’t... is that a yes?

Mr. Wilson: Not so fast.... Clairese?

Mrs. Wilson: Yes Dear?

Mr. Wilson: John here, wants to marry Sue. Is that a problem?

Mrs. Wilson: Not with me.

John: It’s a done deal?

Mr. Wilson: Not quite.... Clairese, I need to have a word in private with John.

Mrs. Wilson: Certainly Dear.

Mr. Wilson and John are left alone in the Kitchen.

Mr. Wilson: There’s something you need to know John.

John: Yes, Sir?

Mr. Wilson: When Clairese was a little girl her dad liked to slap her mother around. What they call abusive, these days.

John: I swear to you, Mr. Wilson I will never hit your daughter. If I ever do, kill me.

Mr. Wilson: You're missing the point.

John: Huh?

Mr. Wilson: Listen! One day her parents had another fight. Her dad beat her mom up and then sent her out to the barn to get him some milk. Clairese followed her mother outside and saw her pour some rat poison into the glass. Then her mother brought the milk inside and served it to her dad. The next day he was dead.

John: Why are you telling me this sir?

Mr. Wilson: Just to let you know Son... You don’t mind if I call you that?

John: No sir, I’m honored.

Mr. Wilson: Just to let you know Son, that if you ever get in an argument with Sue, and she brings you a glass of milk? Don’t drink it.


The Joy of Engagement

John: Being engaged is wonderful.

Sue: It's like opening a window and seeing our future.

John: To me its more like closing the door and getting a little.

Sue: Come on John, sex is wonderful and I love every moment of it... but...

John: But what?

Sue: Don’t you see? Its for family, you know, babies and children, having sons handsome like their father.

John: I know that.

Sue: It’s building our future together...a love that reaches out forever.

John: Come over here and let’s get started.

Sue: Don't you get it John? Sex isn"t an end in itself; it’s a pathway to our hopes and dreams.

John: Speaking of ends, have you ever considered anal sex when you’re having your period?

Sue: Who have you been talking to?

John: My brother.

Sue: The one that got kicked in the head by a horse?

John: A heifer, not a horse.

Sue: Listen to me. For a man, sex is a moment, for a woman it’s a lifetime.

John: Why did I bring this up?

Sue: For you it’s a door, for me it’s a window.

John: I get it, OK? I get it.

Sue: And what a man soon forgets, a woman needs no reminder.

John: Are you pregnant?


What type of Wedding?

Sue: Ever since I was a girl I've dreamed about my wedding day.

John: Ever since I was a boy I've dreamed about unlimited pussy.

Sue: I dreamed about walking down the isle in a beautiful white gown, bridesmaids and groomsmen and there at the end my beloved, waiting with ring in hand.

John: Once I dreamed about screwing you behind the altar.

Sue: I dreamed about the church decorated and the reception and having the first dance with my husband.

John: And I dreamed about Las Vegas, and the cash we'de save, by not having this wedding.

Sue: This's my dream, don’t spoil it.

John: Nobody seems to get upset about spoiling my dreams.

Sue: Don’t be such a gloomy Gus... come on lets go somewhere private and discuss this further.

John: I’m for that. Lets go down to the lake. I know a spot that’s perfect for conversations.

John and Sue arrive at the secluded spot.

Sue: We need to work this out... I want a formal wedding.

John: I might be persuaded.

John leans across Sue and puts his hand between her legs.

Sue: You’re going to have to wait. My period started this morning.

John: It won’t be the first time I had your blood on my pecker.

Sue: No! I can’t deal with that.... get it right out of your mind.

John: Then roll over and we can have a little anal.

Sue: Where did you get that idea?

John: My brother has a porn movie.

Sue: Hate to pop your bubble, but I have enough problems making a stool. Anyway there’s no way my butt will stretch around that, "you know what."

John: Then I guess we go to Las Vegas.

Sue: Come on, you can’t be serious.

John: That or we can call the whole thing off.

Sue: What?

John: Clearly you’re not ready for marriage. We can’t do it during your period, we can’t use the back door. Other women seem to manage it but not you. You’re just not ready for marriage.

Sue: And you're such an expert.

John: Like you?

Sue: Please John, don’t ask me to make love during my period or that other method you're referring to. I just can’t, I’m sorry....

John: Well that leaves only one other alternative.

Sue: And that is?

John: A blow job.

Sue: How many times have you watched that porn movie?

John: Once or twice.

Sue: I don't believe I'm about to do this.

She drops to her knees and goes down on it.

Sue: Mmmm mmm how mmm I doing?

John: I think you need to try and let it tickle your throat.

Sue gags.

John: Not so deep... that’s better.

Sue: Mnnnn-mmm mmm

John: You’re doing fine but not so hard.

Sue: Mmmm-mmm-mmm

John: Ease up.... its not like giving me a hickey.

Sue: Mmmm-mmm-mmm.

John: That’s it, that’s my girl.

Sue: Mmmmm-mmm-mmm.

John: Oh that feels so good.... sooo good.. Oeh-oh.

Sue: Cough, cough, retch, spit spit.... How could you?

John: Ahhhh! How could I what?

Sue: You’re such a......


A Special Party.

Sue: Are you going to have a bachelor party?

John: No.

Sue: Why not?

John: I don’t want to wake up for my wedding day with a hang-over. How about you? Gonna have a night with the ladies?

Sue: You know.... that’s just not something that particularly appeals to me. What do you think?

John: Well..... I think we should reserve a private room at the restaurant where we had our first date and set up 5 tables, you know like a restaurant inside a restaurant?.

Sue: Who do we invite?

John: You and me of course and then we will pair up the bridesmaids and the groomsmen and pretend that we’re patrons, just thrown together by fate, having dinner together in an exclusive setting.

Sue: Wow, I really like that.... that's so cool!

John: And we could tell them that its like a blind date and they are to pretend they are meeting for the first time....yada, yada, yada...

Sue: Let’s do it.

After the rehearsal, at the restaurant: (Bill and Sally age 14; Connor and Lucy age 18; Brent and Molly age 22; and Gordon and Darlene age 28.)


Table 1

John: We should have put a tape recorder under each table. Then we could tease them by playing it back.

Sue: You’re sick.

Table 2

Bill: What do you think?

Sally: I’m trying to pretend this is a date.

Bill: I wouldn’t mind dating you.

Sally: Thought you’d never ask.

Bill: No seriously, you’re pretty and easy to be around.

Sally: You’re not so bad yourself.

Bill: Have you ever made out?

Sally: Of course... who hasn’t?

Bill: I haven’t..

Sally: Only did it once.

Bill: Did you French kiss?

Sally: No! That’s gross.

Table 3

Connor: How come we never paired up in High School?

Lucy: We didn’t exactly hang out with the same crowds.

Connor: Was college prep a cut above FFA?

Lucy: Don’t say it like that.

Connor: Why not?

Lucy: You make me sound like such a snob.

Connor: Well?

Lucy: If you’d asked me I'd have gone out with you.

Connor: Yeah, right!

Lucy: Don’t judge me, just because you think I'm preppy.

Connor: I’m not judging you.

Lucy: I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly.

Connor: You could have been.

Lucy: After awhile you sort of give up.

Connor: Give up?

Lucy: I was like below rejection.

Connor: Huh?

Lucy: Nobody ever asked.

Connor: There’s a band playing in the bar. Wanna dance?

Lucy: I’d love to.

Table 4

Brent: You look great!

Molly: Is this role playing?

Brent: No, it’s me playing.

Molly: Is this a game?

Brent: Isn't that the whole point?

Molly: How do you want it to end?

Brent: I haven’t gotten that far.

Molly: Don’t lie to me.

Brent: Read my mind.

Molly: You want to take me to a motel and you know....

Brent: Am I that transparent?

Molly: Am I that kind of girl?

Brent: Let’s start over. Want to go for a walk?

Molly: Just a walk?

Brent: You’re the mind reader.

Table 5

Gordon: I’m Gordon.

Darlene: Hi sailor, new in town?

Gordon: You’re a very attractive woman.

Darlene: That’s what they all say.

Gordon: Do I detect a bit of an esteem problem?

Darlene: Are you trying to rescue me from myself?

Gordon: Rescue you.... No, I've enough trouble keeping afloat.

Darlene: Are you married?

Gordon: No, are you?

Darlene: Divorced... you?

Gordon: Yeah.... children?

Darlene: Two girls, Lisa and Marlow. You?

Gordon: Bart and Brett.

Darlene: You doing OK?

Gordon: I guess... lonely.

Darlene: Me too.


The Bridal Suite.

John: Happy?

Sue: More than you could ever imagine.

John: Glad it’s over.

Sue: Yeah... did you have fun?

John: A lot more than I expected.

Sue: It was everything I ever dreamed of.

John: Well here we are.... did you ever dream of this part?

Sue: Not as much as you have.

John: Didn’t you ever dream about your husband pulling out his wanger and whitewashing your big red rose?

Sue: Girls don’t think about that part the same as you guys do.

John: You mean they don’t snicker and fantasize about which one of us has the biggest schwanz?

Sue: I’m not saying they don’t.... I just never heard them.

John: I find that hard to believe.

Sue: If I’m lying I’m dying.

John: So what’s next?

Sue: I think it’s time you started doing your husband thing.

John: Now there's an idea!

Sue: Take me I’m yours.

John: Get ready for the pummeling of your life.

Sue: Show it no mercy, you handsome brute.

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