Savin' stuff, da orky way! part 2

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Chapta' 5 - Fightin' and likin' it!
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A hour had passed. Nagosh stood up and looked at his, now-healed, left side. He was grinning, which showed his tusks. Ash'nu seemed a bit tired.
“There, it is fixed. Ork.”
“Don't fink I'z don't know dat ya don't like me. But we'z gotta work togetha' dis time.”
Ash'nu sighed.
“Your words show wisdom. Come, your allies need to know what we're facing, too.”
“Oh, and...”
“What?”
“Thanks.”
Ash'nu was a bit surprised.
“You are... welcome?”
“Oy! Boss! You'z okay”
Nagosh turned to see Muskit. The slugga boy radiated joy. Gobroz and the rest were close behind.
“'Course I am! No chaos boys are gonna beat me!”
“Glad ta hear dat, boss!”
“Settle! I must tell you about our situation.”
Muskit, Gobroz and Nagosh all sat down. Altian, Kilina and Lokan stayed, too. Ugu sat with Lokan, who kept scratching the squig's head.
“Good. Now... long ago, when the Horus Heresy began...”
“Dis is startin' like a bedtime story.”
“QUIET, NAGOSH!!! Anyway, during that time, when the forces of Chaos manifested, a large force of the Thousand Sons came. The same who you attacked earlier.
“Got it.”
“Glad you did. Their forces destroyed unchecked, because the Imperium knew not of them. They created a fortress in the region. Which would not have been uncommon, but they started a strange ritual. We, the Eldar of Biel-tan, felt that something was amiss. We sent our forces to the planet and stopped the Thousand Sons and their ritual, but even we do not know what its purpose was.
“So... wot's da problem? Da chaos boys wud hafta fight humies now... dey'z won't have an easy time makin' sum ritualz.”
“I am afraid that the human forces in the area are insufficient. Our sensors have detected seven Chaos assault-class cruisers. Those have enough forces to wipe out the entire imperial population on the planet. They cannot win this battle alone. That is why we came. To help.”
“Wait... if da chaos boys win... den...”
“They will complete that same old ritual.”
“Why can't dey do it somewhere else?”
“Chaos does have some rules. To the Warp, the ritual is not cancelled. It is merely paused. And we know this is a special, one of a kind rite. If the Thousand sons want to finish the ritual, they have to to do it on Akhalam VI.”
“Strange. Well... we'z gunna help any way we'z can, right boys?”
“Yeh, boss!” Gobroz and Muskit shouted.
“Your help is appreciated. But, as I've heard, your numbers are low.”
“He'z right, boss. We'z got too little boys ta fight.”
“Yeh. And if da Eldar fight, dey die. And dere are too little Eldar already. We'z need more boys!”

Ash'nu was astonished. An ork actually that cared about something else than fighting? He had misjudged Nagosh. Suddenly, a guardian appeared.
“Warlock Ash'nu!”
“Yes?”
“We have detected a large flying object! It is heading for the planet!”
“The Thousand sons?!”
“No, sir. This is something new. And it's big!”
“Let me see!”
The guardian showed them the sensor readings.
“It is increasing in speed... as if it wanted to... RAM the planet.”
“Ram, eh? Sound like somefin' orky.”
They Eldar looked at the orks. Gobroz spoke:
“Da boss is right. Ya know wot we'z mean, yeh?”
“A... spce hulk?”
“Yeh! Dat means, more orks are on da way 'ere! Maybe ya can fight deir boss, boss, and be da new boss!”
“Don't dat seem awfully convenient, flashgit Gobroz?”
“No. We'z just lucky.”
“I guess so.”
“It is breaching the atmosphere!”
The whole Eldar camp watched as a huge object flew over them. It continued on its path, until it hit the ground some miles away, causing a monstrous earthquake. When it ended, Nagosh rose from the ground.
“Eveyone'z okay?”
After everyone said yes, Nagosh grinned again.
“Well, let's get goin'! We'z need more boys!”
Muskit, Gobroz and Ugu immediately rose. Altian, Kilina and Lokan rose as well.
“You wish to go with them?”
“Yes, Ash'nu.”
“As you wish. But be careful.”
“We will.”
As the three Eldar followed the three orks... and Ugu, Ash'nu had a feeling that an uncommon friendship was present.

******

“How many orks will there be, boss?”
“I dunno, Muskit. I hope there'z a lot of 'em, though.”
“The hulk was quite large. We can assume that there WILL be many.”
“And dat's gud. 'Cause we'z gonna need all da help we'z can get.”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz.”
They reached the end of the jungle. A huge crater was in front of them, the ork space hulk could be seen in its full glory. It wasn't that big, actually, but still easily the size of an imperial cruiser. The seven could see hundreds of orks going out of the hulk, including vehicles killa kans and trukks. In the sea of green, a larger ork could be seen. Larger than his nob bodyguard, he watched the unlooading. He was probably thinking of a big stompin'. Nagosh had other plans.

“He don't look so tough. I'z can take 'im.”
“Ya sure, boss?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz.”
“And what should we do?”
Nagosh turned to Altian.
“You stay 'ere. When I wave to ya, den ya come. Come on, boys! And Ugu!”

The four made their way into the crater. Other orks that noticed them either just watched, or also readied their weapons. Muskit and Gobroz were getting a bit nervous. Nagosh was grinning like a madman. And Ugu was looking around, seemingly amused.
The orks wore light-blue armour. Their banners had a white skull on them.
“Dey'z got a fumiliar banner, eh Muskit?”
“Yeh. Looks nice and blue, like ours. Dey'z gotta be lucky like us!”
Blue... the ork colour of luck. If it was so, then Da Skull smashaz' luck was restricted to three orks.
The other boss noticed them and started moving.
When he came closer, it could clearly be seen that Nagosh was bigger. Not that much, but still bigger. The other boss wasn't scared, though his nobs were.
“Who are ya?”
“I'z warboss Nagosh Ubzug and dis 'ere is MY planet.”
“O yeh? Well, I'z warboss Abzog Nugush and I sez dat dis is MY planet. And I'z got more boys!”
After that sentence, Gobroz knew the creator of this fic was running out of names.
“O yeh? Well, you'z smalla' den me. Your boys shud follow da biggest ork.”
The mass of orks around them started talking. Some even nodded. Even Abzog's nob bodyguards were considering the words.
“You'z maybe da biggest, but I'z stronga'!”
“O yeh?!”
“Yeh! And I'z gonna fight ya ta prove it!”

******

Within twenty minutes, orks made an improvised ring for the two bosses.
Nagosh on one side, with a fanclub of... three.
Abzog had a mandatory fanclub of... OVER 9000!!!!
“Writa', dat joke is overused.”
Fine, Gobroz! He had a fanclub of 3000. Happy?!
“Yeh.”
Anyway, back to where we were before I was so rudely interrupted.
Nagosh looked... like he was having fun.
Abzog was mad, with burning eyes and everything. The smaller boss roared with all his might:
“WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!!”
The landscape actually shook, a bit. A tiny bit, but still a bit.
Nagosh was prepared to charge... but then he noticed something. Everyone except for Abzog did. Their sights aimed above.
Abzog looked up, only to see a glint of metal.
As a nearly three ton piece from the space hulk landed on the boss, Gobroz swore to never yell near hulks. Ever. And that this was the shortest battle ever.
Nagosh looked at the hulk-piece and grinned. He then laughed. Gobroz, Muskit and the other orks soon joined in.
Nagosh waved towards the cliffs. Every ork turned. As the three Eldar left their hiding place, some started aiming. A mighty roar stopped:
“WAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! Dere'z gonna be no shootin' right now! Dose pointy helmets are gud!”
Sluggas, shootas, nobs and others looked at him with disbelief. But they listened.
Why?
'Cause he was da biggest, so he was da BOSS!!

******

Nagosh stood on the hulk-piece with a loud 'Speeka' as one of the hulk-meks called it. Gobroz, Muskit and the three Eldar were behind him. Altian and the other two felt kinda... vulnerable. Which was understandable. Nagosh took a deep breath.
“Orks of da Skull smashaz klan! I'z Nagosh Ubzug and I'z wot?”
“DA BIGGEST!!!”
“Gud! So, I'z wot?”
“DA BOSS!!!”
The orks' voices could be heard for miles.
“Very gud! Now, listen up! I'z got a few new rulez for ya,” Nagosh took out a piece of paper, “one. Ya gitz ain't gonna fight Eldar. No exceptunz. If ya do, I'z gonna personally take yo' 'eads,” orks in the crowd nodded. Altian thought about how Ash'nu would react to that, “two. Ya can fight humies, but only when I sez so, or when deyz attack first. Three. Grots can no longa' be eaten. Or used as bomb pilots,” part of the crowd screamed with joy, “kickin' 'em is still allowed when dey deserve it, though,” part of the crowd started crying, “and last, but not least, four. Da ingrediunts of squig piez are limited to eatin' squigs, ONLY. No otha' type o' squigs can be used in piez.”
Squiggus, the owner of the most profiting squig pie chain on the space hulk, fought tears.

Gobroz turned to Nagosh.
“Boss, ain't ya forgettin' somefin'?”
“Yeh! Thanks, flashgit Gobroz! One more rule, boys! Dis one'z 'bout colourz'! If da klan is painted blue, we'z lucky. But our trukks and kans and stuff needs ta be fast. So, every vehicule has ta be painted red AND blue! Give 'em more red, though. Goin' fasta is gud!” the crowd seemed to be happy with the changes and shouted Nagosh's name.
“Dey'z like ya. Boss!”
“I see dat, Muskit. I'z so moved, I can only say dis,” he lifted da 'Speeka' again, “okay, boys! Let'z move to da Eldar'z camp and den to OUR camp!”
With a loud 'WAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!', the orks started moving.

******

Ash'nu was surprised beyond words when the ork force strode through the jungle. He was even more surprised when the host didn't start attacking. Then, he saw Nagosh and the others. He sent a 'Hello!' to them and they did the same for him. The six and Ugu then continued towards the ork fort... camp... thing.

******

Nagosh, Gobroz and Muskit couldn't believe their eyes. Altian knew how they felt.
The whole ork camp was destroyed. Fires, craters where there had been buildings. And bodies. Green bodies. They would have had to rebuild the camp anyay, but seeing it like this was... sad. Nagosh was the first to enter. At first, he saw nothing but wreckage. But then, some of it moved. He quickly ran to it and lifted it. There, he saw the longest-living grot, Drakk.
“Drakk!”
“Boss! Thank Gork,” Drakk noticed the substantial number of orks, “we'z got new boys?”
“Yeh, but that ain't important! Wot happened 'ere?!”
“Well... we were just doin' stuff. Playin' orkjack and like that. Den, dese humies came.”
“Da onez we'z been fightin'?”
“No, boss. Dese were new. With shiny, yellow armour with blue stripes here and there. Da boys tried ta stop 'em, but dey'z were too strong!
“The Thousand sons...” Altian already wanted to fight.
“Yeh. Chaos boys... anyfin' else?”
“Yeh, boss.” It was a new voice.
Nagosh turned to see the fort's dok, Grimog and its mek, Darug.
“Grimog! Darug! You'z alive!”
“Yeh, boss,” it was Darug, “but we'z got some newz.”
“Wot newz?”
“Dere wuz dis really strong beast-humie with 'em. Killed da nob with one chop of his big axe.”
“What did it look like?” Altian feared the worst.
“Oy! We'z got ol' pointy 'elmetz with us? Gud. Well, he wuz tall, black skin, two big 'orns and red fur on the back.”
“Hmmm... that sounds like a Bloodletter champion. They are rare, but exist.”
“Bloodletta'z are dose ork-big, red daemunz?”
“Yes.”
“I see. How many of 'em were dere?”
“'Bout twice as many as our boys, boss.”
Gobroz counted... two mobs... twenty orks each had been in the fort... that means about eighty.
“Dat'z 'bout eighty boys, boss.”
“I see. Okay, we'z gonna do it like dis,” he looked at his new host, “get me two mobs o' sluggas, a mob of shootas and a kan! Da rest o' ya start makin' a bigga' fort,” he then looked at Altian, “you'z comin'?”
Altian looked at Lokan and Kilina, who nodded.
“It would be our pleasure.”
“I'z gonna take that as a yes. Come, flashgit Gobroz, Muskit! We'z gonna stomp some chaos boys!”
The small ork force left the camp. They would find the Thousand Sons no matter what.

******

Two guardsmen hid behind some rubble. The Thousand Sons' attack had been quick, unexpected and without mercy. They had been overrun. And the two were probably the only imperial survivors in this area. They whispered:
“Damnit! What do we do now?”
“I don't know! They're everywhere!”
“What would commissar Yarrick do?”
Images of untold awesomeness and epicness filled their mind. Such epicness, in fact, that this low-budget (0.000000 dollars) fic would implode if I even tried to describe them. Therefore, if you ain't afraid of your HEAD imploding, imagine them.
Suddenly, they heard a noise. Their cover disappeared in a cloud of plasma. Two rubric marines looked straight at them. They could feel their doom approaching.
The rubrics' guns were aimed. One of the two humans closed his eyes.
“Not so fast, chaos boy!”
The rubric's were caught off-guard. A large barrage destroyed one and the other was heavily damaged.
A huge ork came into view. He raised his chain-choppa and cut the rubric in half. The guardsman were afraid. Weren't the Thousand Sons enough?
The ork looked at them and grinned.
“Don't worry, humies. We'z not 'ere for ya. We'z 'ere for da chaos boys. Go tell your captain or somefin'. Da orks will ally with ya!”
The guardsmen just stood there, with open mouths. Then, they swiftly ran. They would never forget that ork.

Nagosh was full of adrenaline, ready to fight. Gobroz, Muskit, Ugu, their Eldar allies and the boys were behind him. The rubric marines, feeling the fall of two of their own, started converging on their location.
“Yeh! Let'z start fightin'!”
Nagosh moved a bit forward, only to stop. A dark cloud appeared and from it, the daemon Grimog had described. All of the orks stopped.
“Flashgit Gobroz?”
“Yeh, boss?”
“Take da mobs and smash da chaos boys. Dis daemun is mine!”
“Okay boss. gud luck.”
The mobs of orks and the three Eldar left the two combatants alone. The sounds of battle could be heard.

******

“So, we meet, Nagosh Ubzug.”
“How do ya know me, git?”
“I know many things, ork. More than you could even imagine.”
“O' yeh?”
“Yes. But I do not expect you to understand. I was sent to destroy you. I tried to find you at your little camp, but I had no luck. I figured that if I cause enough chaos, you would show up on your own. Though, I did not expect Eldar... or so many extra orks.”
“Ya know, eh?”
“Yes, I am not blind. That space hulk brought a whole tribe, at LEAST. Numbers are meaningless. Once my master finds the place, chaos will prevail.”
“Can ya shut up and jus' start fightin'!?!?!?”
“Hmph!!! Fine! Prepare for your destruction! Prepare for the wrath of Nebulon!”
“Ya talk too much.”
“Grrrrr.”
Nebulon raised his axe and charged. Nagosh did the same with his chain-choppa. The two weapons met and the two combatants stood. Nevulon was impressed. The ork could actually withstood his attacks. Impressive.
But he was not here for amusement. This fight would be quick. Warp-magic had been his expertise for long. He warper behind the ork, wanting to kill him.
*
But Nagosh would not be so easily fooled. He swiftly turned turned around and bashed the Bloodletter on the head. The daemon stumbled. Nagosh used this and grabbed Nebulen, then threw him through the wall of a nearby building.
Suddenly, the whole building collapsed. Nebulon appeared, warp flames around him.
“Uh-oh.” was all Nagosh said.

******

Gobroz was actually having fun. Shootin' has always been fun, but this was extra fun.
The rubric marines were strong, but too slow. The sluggas bashed them from up close, the shootas kept moving from place to place and the rubric's couldn't hit them. And the kan was just killy.
Altian, Kilina and Lokan were good, too.
Lokan just warped here and there, confusing the rubric's, while Altian came from above and finished them off.
And Kilina was just too nimble with her blade to be hit.
Muskit and Ugu also proved to be a great team. Again. Ugu distracts and Muskit attacks. And the rubric's are stupid enough to shoot each other. But you knew that, didn't you, reader?
There would soon be no more rubric's left.
But then Gobroz saw something in the corner of his eye. It was a pinkish red. And green. He turned. Nebulon was above Nagosh, axe ready.
“BOSS!!!!”
Muskit, Ugu and the three Eldar turned. The other orks were too busy in battle. All of them ran... but one ran faster than the others.

******

“Any last words, ork?”
“Yeh. You'z a sneeky git.”
“Why, thank you! Now, DIE!!!”
Nebulon raised his axe. But then, Nagosh spotted something in the air behind Nebulon. His eyes grew wider.
The daemon's curiosity won over his logic. He looked behind... and saw big teeth. Around those teeth was black. And it had two yellow orbs, too. Ugu bit.
“GRAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!”
Nebulon threw away his axe and started running, arms flailing in random directions. Nagosh just stared. When the others reached the place, they stared as well.
“GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!”
“Dis is quite entartainin', eh boss?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz. Very entartainin'.”
Nebulon ran here and there for a while, then he finally managed to get Ugu of his face. He had a few marks.
“Damn! Oh, well. Nothing a few days in the warp spa can't fix,” he looked at the group that had assembled, “ummm... I just remembered I have an important appointment at the... warp dentist Toothus the terrible... yeaaaah. SEE YA LATER!!!!”
Nebulon quickly picked up his axe. Before Gobroz's shots could reach the daemon, he was gone in a dark cloud.
“Well, dat wasn't bad. Actuelly kinda fun.”
“Yeh, boss. Muskit, Ugu was a gud boy.”
“Yeh! And he'z gonna get more meaty bits for that!”
Ugu screeched, then jumped on Muskit's shoulder and licked his face.
“Stop it, dat ticklees!”
Ugu then jumped on Kilina's shoulder and did the same. Only licked the helmet, though.
“How cute!!”
The little squig then just landed on the ground. Nagosh started laughing. The ork mobs came, almost every ork carrying some kind of trophy.

******

“DAMNIT! NOT as planned! Hanumos, get me some tea! Horror flavour!”
The lord of change quickly left its master alone. Tzeentch currently had the form of a three-headed avian with four sets of colour-changing wings. Tzeentch said it was his favourite form.
The god of change cancelled the image. He was frustrated enough already.

“What's the matter, Tzeentchey?” came a female voice. Tzeentch knew it only too well.
“Slaanesh! How many times have I told you to not add that 'ey' at the end of my name!?”
She, which is a relative term, since she can swich genders, appeared. Long purple hair. One of her eyes was yellow, the other was black. With a... revealing, robe. Her skin was a light brown.
“I forgot, Tzeentchey. Geez, you don't have to be such a grouch!”
“She has a point, Tzeentch.”
One of his heads looked at the new intruder.
Blood-red armour, with a skull-like helmet. His teeth were bloody. A massive sword was on his back.
“Hi Khor...”
“Don't even think about it, Slaanesh. My name sounds like you know what when you do that.”
“Well, okay Khorne. What took ya so long to get here.”
“Mister change here has too many frikin' lairs. Had to smash a few of the wrong ones. Sorry, Tzeentch.”
“No apology needed.”
“Huh?”
“They'll just regrow.”
“Why the heck do your lairs regrow?!”
“Because last time Slaanesh made you drink all of that Super beer, you smashed ALL of them.”
“Oh... right.”
“What are you two doing here, anyway?”
“You mean three, Tzeentch? *cough*”
The god of change's third head looked at a big, green, bloated creature. Nurgle...
“Hi, Nurgley!”
“Nurgle? Okay, what is going on here?!”
“Calm down, Tzeentchey.”
“Yeah. Slaanesh here just heard you scream. Which had to be quite a sound for it to be louder than the... OTHER noises from her citadel.”
“So?”
“Umm... she called me and Nurgle here and we came to ckeck on you. So, what's wrong?”
“Well... thanks. It is just that my followers are... having trouble.”
“With what? *cough*”
“They cannot secure a certain location. Eldar and orks are in their way.”
“Ooooh! I like Eldar! They're so handsome!”
“Riiiigghhhht. Orks ain't bad either. At least they can fight.”
“Yes, yes. The strange thing is, that these two groups fight together. No in-fighting.”
“Interesting. No bloodshed coming from orks. Interesting.”
Nurgle vomitted on the floor.
“DUDE!! I just finished cleaning!”
“*cough* Sorry... *cough*... Tzeentch. So, what do you want to do?”
“I... do not know.”
“Did I hear right? Tzeentchey doesn't have a plan?”
“Well, there is one.”
“Tell us! Tell us!”
“Okay! Calm down! You REALLY should inhale less of those special plants. Anyway, I have an important asset on the planet. It could prove beneficial to all of us.”
“Oh, I see where you're goin'. You want our forces to help your forces, eh?”
“You understood perfectly, Khorne.”
“That sounds like fun, Tzeentchey! Whaddaya say, Khorne? Nurgley?”
“*cough* Yes, that would be... *cough* splendid.”
“Yeeees! More blood for me!”
“Excellent. The Thousand Sons are already in place. Who will be next?”
Which meant 'Who will receive a psychic signal telling them to go to Akhalam VI?'.
Slaanesh raised her arms. Her eyes glowed purple.

“Hear me... my devoted. Emperor's Children. There is great fun to be had on Akhalam VI. Join with some others and party hard!
Tzeentch raised three eyebrows, but remained silent.
Khorne was next. His blood-red eyes glowed.

“Listen to me! Eaters of worlds! Killers of thousands! There is great bloodshed to be had on Akhalam VI. Join with the weaker ones and show them how to wreak havoc!”
The three others looked at Khorne.
“What?! Have to motivate them somehow!”
“Whatever. Nurgle, you are left.”

“Yes, *cough*” papa Nurgle's eyes glowed in a sickly green, “hear me! My children! *cough* The Death Guard is needed to spread the gifts of Nurgle on Akhalam VI. *cough* Many will join you and you will together spread death!”

All of Tzeentch's heads nodded.
“Excellent. So far, just as planned.”
“Yeah. But I could really use some blood beer.”
“Your tea, your changeliness!” Hanumos had finally returned.
Tzeentch extended one of his many arms and took the coop. He sipped it, one head at a time.

**************************
Here are quotes, gathered by imperial scholars or any other people. Or xenos, whatever. They contain the words of many famous or not as famous characters in the galaxy.

"Sindriiiiii!" - chaos lord Bale

"Because of you, we've lost a temple!" - chaos lord Crull, even though it was HIS fault for being such an idiotic leader

"METAL BOXEEEEEES!!!" - chaos lord Firaveous Carron on Rhinos

"Why am I the only sane, competent chaos lord in these frikin' games?!" - Eliphas the Inheritor on above idiots

"Why do I worship Slaanesh? Ain't it frikin' obvious?!" - chaos marine surrounded by Daemonettes

"Zerg rush!!!" - Maximus Geekymus, chapter master of the Comp Marines on Tyranids

"Good. VERY good." - ANYONE on Daemonettes

"Macha is too hot to not get laid, /tg/!" - me on absurd MEME.... wait... pretend you didn't read this.


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Chapta' 6 - Fightin' wif friendz!
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Damnit!”
“What is it, master?”
“Well, not only did your little raid end in failure...”
“Sorry, master.”
“Whatever. Now, I've got three fleets that came here to help us.”
“But... master... isn't that good?”
“Perhaps. But they are fleets from the three other 'elite' legions. The Emperor's Children, the Death Guard and the World Eaters.”
“And that is bad, because...?
“Because this means the other guys want a piece of our reward. Or they just want to prove who's the biggest. Biggest arsehole, if ya ask me.”
“I see. I was sent to inform you that the leaders of the individual forces sent here wish to meet with you. Strategy plannin' and stuff.”
“Oh, boy. When will they come?”
“Ummm.... they're already here.”
“What?! When did you want to tell me?!”
“Now?”
“Whatever. Lead me to 'em.”
Rakul and Nebulon walked towards the ship's quest chamber. As they got closer, laughter could be heard.
“Hmmm?”
“What is it, master?”
“I can never forget that laughter. Heheheh.”
Rakul opened the door. There, three figures stood. Figures he knew only too well.

A Khorne commander in red armour, like most others. A mighty hammer was on the man's back, his helmet had ten horns on it. His eyes shone with blue. Sangus the generic.

A Nurgle sorcerer who wore a sturdy set of power armour. His staff was made of a rare kind of swiftly-regrowing wood. On the staff's top was a black gem. His helmet had no horns on it, but he had a long, torn cape. And torn capes are AWESOME. Morbus the itchy.

And then there was the slaanesh lord. His armour was painted in many different colours, each symbolising an emotion... at least, Rakul thought they did. The lord's exotic power chain blade hung by his side. Which is NOT like a chain sword. It was a sword made of smaller parts that could be extended. A warrior with such a weapon could hit an enemy several metres appart. And since it was a power weapon, it has a -2 armour modifier, what's not to like? The lord wore not a helmet, but a Eldar Harlequin-like mask. Carito the picky had always told Rakul that he loved how the masks looked.

“Well, look what the chaos cat's dragged in!”
“Well, excuse me, Rakul! I thought you would be happy to see my beautiful self and these two.”
“I sure am, Carito! Come here, guys!”
The four chaos leaders came together and clasped hands, laughing. Nebulon was more than just confused.
“Master? You know them?”
Rakul turned to him, grinning.
“Why, yes. We were in the same advanced summoning class. Oh, sorry. Guys, this is my best daemon, Nebulon”
The three gave Nebulon slight bows.
“Thank you. But, why would a khornate want to summon daemons?”
Sangus seemed amused.
“Because I can't be arsed to call a different sorcerer to do it. Plus, it's fun.”
“Riiight... what were you summoning, anyway?”
“Well, Nebulon,” it was Morbus, “ Khorne'ssss beastssss, papa Nurgle'ssss sssstuff... Daemonettessss... you know, regular thingssss.”
“Yes. We got to know each other there. It was a delicious time, indeed.”
“Everything's delicious for you, Carito.”
“Well, that was more delicious than some other stuff, Rakul.”
The four laughed again. Nebulon thought it was a little awkward. Rakul then spoke again:
“Well, then. Let's get down to business. I could REALLY use help from some competent leaders.”
The four started planning the invasion. Nebulon stood close by... until he noticed something in a door on the opposite side of the room.

He went through the door and there... he saw an empty hallway. A noise behind him made him turn. It was a Daemonette. One he knew well.
“Why, Mithara! I didn't expect to see you here.”
“I bet you didn't, you handsome Bloodletter, you. Heh. You wanna have some fun? ”
“What kind?” Nebulon was grinning.
“You ever hear the Children boys play music? They rock. Literally. Wanna come with me?”
“Sure.”
The two daemons left... hand in hand, strangely.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
WHAT DID YOU THINK SHE WAS GONNA SAY, PERVERT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

*****************************

Akhalam VI, PDF HQ:

“So, you offer us aid?”
“Yes, you are in a time of need. The Eldar will help you.”
“Yeh, what he said. We'z gonna help ya wif da fightin'!”
Alix Mossiv had seen many things in his younger days. From squig-hair to Gargants. But an Eldar-ork-human alliance? Unheard of.
“Well, do ya accept, humie?”
He was silent for a moment. Then:
“Yes. I agree. We'll show the forces of Chaos not to mess with us, eh?”
“Yeh! I'z like were dis is goin'!”
Gobroz suddenly ran into the room.
“Boss!!”
“Wot is it, flashgit Gobroz?”
“Da chaos boys! Hearin' dat they'z attackin'! I hear dere'z more!”
“What!?” Ash'nu was nervous now.
“Dere'z da onez we fought before. Den I heard some guardies sayin' dat there were red, green and purple onez too!”
“What guardsmen, Gobroz!”
“Da onez dat had ta retreet, Ash'nu!”
“Darnit,” Alix turned on all commucations, “report!”
From nowhere in particular, the voice of Anon Ymous came. It was kinda fuzzy.
“We *Static* multiple Chaos *Static* everywhere *Static* 9-Z! *Static* tried *Static* eak through, *Static* too many!”
“Fiddlesticks! Enemy numbers and type?”
“*Static* elite legio *Static* several thou *Static* NEED REINFORCEMENTS!!!”
“Signal lost!” came from one of the operators
“That can't be good! Can you defeat that many?”
Ash'nu and Nagosh looked at each-other, then back.
“Well, it is obvious that we are fighting the World Eaters, the Death Guard, the Emperor's children AND the Thousand sons. Individually, they are strong, but together...”
“Yeh. Plus, if dey'z fightin' togetha, dat rituel fingy has ta be VERY important.”
“You'z right, flashgit Gobroz!”
“But can you defeat them?”
“Even with your guardsmen as aid, I... do not know. We do not know if this is their main force, or if they have more troops in reserve.”
“I'z gonna say... we'z need help!”
“Quite right,” Alix turned to an operator, “is there anyone friendly close to us?”
The operator clicked some buttons on his computer. After a minute:
“Yes! We have two space marine cruisers within six hours of travel!”
“That is excellent! Who are they?”
“The one further from us belongs to the Ultramatines. The other one, which can be here in two hours belongs to... oh Emperor!”
“What?”
“It belongs to... them.”
“Who 'them'?”
The operator whispered into Alix's ear. The general was instantly more pale.
“Emperor grant us his blessing... but we need all the help we can get. Request aid from both. And tell them about our unlikely aid.”
The operator nodded. After a wile, he turned back to the general.
“Both have accepted. The Ultramarines with 'We will aid you! Hold them off until we arrive.' the others with this.”
The operator read the answer. It contained so much swearing, that another operator's head exploded.
“Who in the name of Eldrad is coming to help us, general?!”
“You will know soon enough, I'm afraid. Now, I need you to help my men hold the invaders back!”
“Yeh! Let'z go, flashgit Gobroz! We need da boys!”
“Yeh, boss!”
The two went outside, where Muskit, Ugu, Altian, Lokan and Kilina waited, along with some guardsmen. The humans' attention was on Kilina. Before leaving, Kilina shouted:
“See ya later, boys! ”
Half of the guardsmen fainted. Altian commented:
“You like doing that, don't you?”
“Nope. I LOVE it!”
She laughed. Altian loved that laughter.

*************

“My lords!”
The noise marine that came to inform them seemed hyper. But don't they seem hyper all the time?
“Yes?” Rakul awaited the best news.
“We have pushed back the enemy forces in the sector. We found the fortress and its inner temple.”
“Excellent! Secure the area, we will send more troops shortly.”
“As you wish, my lord.”
The noise marine left.
“Finally! My mission will be complete! Heheheheh. And the Imperium will have MUCH more trouble.”
“Firsssst we have to finisssh your ritual.”
“Perhaps, Morbus. But that is merely a matter of time.”
“Perhapssss. What issss the statussss on the other thing?”
“Do not worry about that. Carito is personally making sure it is done right. Our extra helper will be here in no time.”
“Good to hear. Where did Sangusss go, anyway?”
“I think he said something about summoning... and the only things he summons are Daemonettes... only lessons he paid attention on.”
“Ah, yessss. Heheheheheheh. Good timessss.”
“Indeed. The only one who's missing now is Nebulon.”
“Don'tcha know? I heard ssssome sssslaaneshi boyssss talkin' bout a black Bloodletter with a Daemonette. At their concert. The two sssseemed to be havin' fun.”
“Oh, really? Seems even Nebulon has some secrets. Heheheh.”

**************

“Ya redy, boys?”
“Yeh, boss. Redy for stompin', smashin' and winnin'!”
“Gud! Flashgit Gobroz, wot are da Eldar an' humies sayin'?”
Gobroz was the only one smart enough to carry a communicator.
“Dey'z sayin' we'z shud attack first. Den dey'll come and help us.”
“'Kay. Muskit, what 'bout Ugu?”
“He'z okay and redy for bitin'!”
“Gud! Now. Dere'z gonna be lots of chaos boys dere. Don't leave many for anyone else! We'z gonna have some fun!”
No attack is complete without yellin', no?
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!”

The orks ran out of their hiding place... the never-ending jungle of doom. Only to realise they were on the wrong side of the damned thing.
So... after two hours... of FAST walkin', they ran out on the right side.
As soon as they came within a mile of the chaos forces, loud shots were heard.
“Boss! I'z know dat sound...”
“Stupid big gunz!”
The shells landed killing some orks. But this time, the orks were too many to be destroyed.
“Blood for the blood god!”
Berzerkers appeared out of ruined buildings and bunkers. They ran towards the ork horde without fear. The two forces clashed.
The berzerkers were better, but they were greatly outnumbered.
“Get back, ya bloody fools! Let us make some racket.”
The berzerkers reluctantly retreated. Incredibly loud... sounds came from the noise marines. But not even those could stop the orks.
The noise marines, being the sissies that they are, retreated. Against the orks now stood a joint force of plague and rubric marines.
“Dis ain't so bad, boss!”
“Nope!”
Every ork proved to be a good fighter. Rubric and plague marines alike were torn to pieces, but there were many fallen orks, as well. And then... came Chaos armour.
Over twenty defilers, backed up by four predator tanks and three chaos dreadnaughts. Sure, the orks had tankbustin' weaponry... but that was still a lot of firepower.
Shots flew through the air. Gobroz, Muskit, Ugu and Nagosh stood in the firing line of a predator autocannon. And those things aren't very kind to flesh.
“I liked havin' ya as a boss, boss.”
“Thanks, flashgit Gobroz.”
Just as the tank wanted to fire:
“Strike for Baharroth!”
As haywire grenades fell from the sky, followed by lasfire, Gobroz knew that the Eldar had arrived. Artillery shots that hit the ENEMY told him that the PDF was making its move, too.
Warp spiders appeared behind a group of plague marines and unleashed death. Though, papa Nurgle' boys were already kinda dead... whatever, you get the point, right?
Falcon grav-tanks flew over the landscape and landed. From them, groups of howling banshees, dire avengers and many more Eldar aspects exited.

The battle continued. Loses were on both sides, though the forces of Chaos seemed to be loosing.
The PDF guardsmen came to the battlefield. They aimed their flas... lasguns and shot, heating up enemy armour to the level of 'Annoying'.
“Dis is fun!”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz!”
Suddenly, a whole squad of guardsmen was cut down. An only too familiar entity appeared. The Bloodletter champion stood. Nebulon looked quite menacing.
“Oy! It'z da one dat talks lots!”
“Yes, warboss. And today, I shall be the victor.”
Muskit, Gobroz and Ugu were there in seconds. Altian, Kilina and Lokan were close behind.
“I'z don't fink so. You'z just one.”
“Perhaps. But I have some aid,” Nebulon touched his ear,”defilers, FIRE!!!”
Four loud 'booms'. Three shots missed, but the fourth one landed on their location.
Nagosh looked around.
“You'z okay?”
“Yeh, boss.” shouted Gobroz.
The three Eldar nodded, as well. Then, a scream pierced the air:
“UGU!!!!”
The five turned. Muskit stood above the little squig. It didn't move.
“Stupid thing deserved it! You know how much those teeth hurt?!”
“You'z gonna...” started Nagosh, but he was interrupted by a loud scream.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Muskit's eyes were red. The ork ran straight for Nebulon, whose eyes grew wide.
“OH SH-!!!”
Muskit tackled Nebulon, who was sent straight through a building. Before the daemon could even stand up, he was pummelled by a flurry of mighty blows and was then kicked into another building. Muskit's berzerker rage left.
Meanwhile, Nebulon considered a tactical retreat as his best option. And so he was gone, with the help his trademark cloud of smoke.
A group of rubric's converged on Muskit, weapons ready. Suddenly, a large, yellow space marine drop-pod landed on them. No survivors. The pod's doors opened and out went a figure in yellow armour. A... large wrench in his hand and a angryfaic as a mask!
“OWNED!!!!”
More drop-pods landed and more of the marines exited. Together, they shouted:
“Always angry, all the time!!!!!!!”
And that was how the angry marines had joined the battle for Akhalam VI. The marine with the angryfaic came closer to Muskit. Nagosh and the others were there in seconds.
“So, you are THE MOTHER*BEEP*S that we were supposed to SAVE THE ARSES of?”
“Yeh.... why'z ya swearin',” Gobroz was intrigued, “And why'z ya bein' censored?”
“Why? WHY?! I'LL TELL YOU WHY YOU FU*BEEP* EXCUSE FOR A FIGHTER!!! I SWEAR BECAUSE I DO!!! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, YOU CAN KISS MY ARSE!!! AND I'M BEIN' CENSORED, 'CAUSE THE SICK FU*BEEP* WRITER IS TOO STUPID TO GIVE THIS SH*BEEP* A 'T' RATING!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“I understandz... I think.”
“That's good. BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T, I'D PUT MY FOOT SO DEEP INTO YOUR...!!!!!”
“I getz it! Calm down!”
“Fine, BI*BEEP*!!!”
“Enuff, ya two! We'z need ta fight da chaos boys AND get Ugu ta safety!”
“Boss is right, Gobroz. I'z need ta take him ta dok Grimog. He'll know wot ta do!!”
“Yeh, you'z do dat! Quick!”
Muskit didn't need to be told twice.
“So, how do ya want ta beat da chaos boys?”
“I'M GONNA TEAR THEM A NEW ARSE HOLE, THAT'S HOW!!!!! BY THE WAY, name's Skalius the slightly ANGRIER!!!!”
The angry marine ran off. Nagosh looked at Gobroz. The flashgit was just as surprised as him. The group joined the fight soon afterwards.


*********************************

“'Kay, so dis 'ere is a Mork gargant, and dis 'ere is a Gork gargant... Dey'z pretty same-lookin'.” -flashgit Gobroz on gargants

“Orks are the scourge of the galaxy... but their beer ain't half-bad!” - guardsman from the 665th 'Fungusmen' regiment.

“It's... itchy.” - plague marines

“Damn... I need to scratch my butt.” - Blood Angels' chaplain Icaron during a battle

“What's my quote doing here?!” - Kalish, lord of the Necromorphs