The Birds and Bees Revisited

Every parent faces the quandary of when and how to explain sex to their children. My 12 year old son helped me reach a decision one day after church when our family took a detour to Kroger on the way home. I left my wife and two sons in the car while I ran in to get a gallon of milk. Upon my return, my wife, Tami, told me I had a job to do. She said that Taylor, my oldest son, wants to know what sperm is.

Now, that was the last thing on my mind when I left to get the milk, and I was a little perplexed as to how sperm became a topic of discussion while I was gone. Nevertheless, I am Dad, and I have to rise to the occasion. I explained to Taylor that sperm is fertilizer to the eggs that Mommy carries. A baby is formed when an egg is fertilized. I felt good. Taylor was listening and soaking it up. This was going to be easier than I thought.

I went on to explain that this fertilizing of the egg was supposed to be an act between two people that loved each other dearly. Taylor's expression changed. He'd had enough. He said, "Daddy, I don't believe you. I've never heard you say let's go outside and sperm the plants." He had me there. I couldn't keep a straight face long enough to do any better. I told him we would wait until we went to the beach, and we would talk again.

We did talk again on our beach trip, and I used a more simplistic approach to make the point. The beach is a wonderful backdrop to explain the ways of life. Not only are you surrounded by nature but you are also supplied with the world's biggest sketch pad, one that wipes clean with every wave.

I took Taylor down the beach away from the family. With a stick in hand I drew out two stick figures. The bald one was a man. I put curly hair on the other one that was the woman. I paused a moment to see if Taylor got that much. Yep, so far so good. Next, I took the stick and drew a line straight out from the between the legs of the man stick figure. Again, I paused to see if Taylor was with me. Again, so far so good. He knew he had one of those straight line things in his pants. I then took the stick and punched a hole in the sand where I had drawn the girl's crotch. I told Taylor that this was the difference between a man and woman. He had a stick and she had a hole.

As I write this, I'm thinking either this is going to come across crass, talking about a crotch, or painful, thinking of putting a stick to someone's crotch or punching a hole in one. Regardless, the sexual explanations to Taylor got much easier. There will come other days when we will discuss the scientific terms for anatomy and human reproduction. But, for him it all comes down to putting a stick in a hole, when to do it, when not to, and what can happen if he does. It is a lot better imagery than us out sperming the plants.

So, how did this ever become a topic in the car to begin with? Some biology teacher unwittingly left notes, and the word sperm, on a chalkboard where she had been describing the reproduction of flowers. The kids in Taylor's class were giggling about the word. He simply didn't know what it meant.