My Beating Heart ch. 1

She stared across the distance, wondering why her life seemed to be slipping from her grasp. Everything had seemed to be so clear to her, but when it came down to it, it was truly opaque. The wind seemed to taunt her, filling her senses with false hope that the world would go on. She smiled to herself, surprised by her own reaction. Maybe the world truly wanted her in its clutches. Maybe she was truly meant to live.

Chapter One:

         She watched as the rain pounded upon the windows. She couldn’t help but feel a little lonesome, but then again, the pain of lonesomeness always lingered in dome form around her. She looked out into the dismal world, wishing she had a better outlook on it, but then again, she saw the world for it’s true colors; or lack thereof.

         She stood from her leisurely pose, and walked outside, letting the rain pour overtop her head. She smiled, letting the cool sensation rush through her body. She shivered a little, the water soaking through her hoody and sneakers. She watched as cars passed by her house, knowing that all the ones who were paying attention would probably think she was insane. Maybe she was.

         “Get in before you catch a cold, Ravyn.”

         Her mother’s shrill voice sent more chills through her than the rain. She sighed and grudgingly walked to the door. Her mother handed her a towel as she walked in, barking about how it was unsafe to be out in the rain. As usual, Ravyn let it slip away from her ears, and she walked up to her room, leaving her mother to mutter to herself. She sat down on her bed, wondering if her life could be anymore cliché. She was the outcast teenager who hated her parents, or parent in her case, and wished her life was different. She was the reason teens were stereotyped, or at least that is what she had herself thinking.

         Ravyn laid down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She watched the many shadows dance across her dimly lit room. Her lava lamp on her nightstand made shapes form across what she called her “prison walls” and for reasons unknown to her, it actually had a calming effect on her. She breathed deeply, setting all the pain and stress that was building up free. She closed her eyes, inhaling the strangely sweet aroma that filled her room. It washed over her causing chill bumps to rise all over her body.

         I’m reacting to the smallest of things today.

         She opened her eyes, hearing her mother footsteps ascending the stairs. She knew her mother was going to knock on her door any moment just to make sure her flawed daughter was not doing anything scandalous that would ruin her own perfect reputation. Her mother was the epitome of the over obsessed with perfection mother. She never let one single thing go out of place, unless she thought it was meant to be that way. Ravyn remembered when she did not used to be like that. Before her father died, her mother was a laid back, sweet person. As soon as her father got cancer, her mother’s whole attitude changed. She masked the pain with order, and Ravyn very well knew that. She just wished her mother would at least try to be more sensitive about what she said or did to people.

         “You okay in there, Ravyn?” called her mother.

         “I’m fine, mom. Just resting. It’s been a long week.” Ravyn replied, trying to sound calm.

         Ravyn heard her mother’s footsteps descending the stairs, and she sighed a breath of relief. It had been a long time since her mother had let her get away with that excuse, but she was not complaining by any means. She stood from her bed, and walked over to her desk. Papers were scattered across it, the pages filled mostly with nonsensical poems. She picked one up, reading the words that seemed so foreign to her. That’s how all her poetry was. It seemed as though it was not hers. She often wondered if she went into an alternate state when she was writing and all the words flooded into something so beautiful yet meaningless to her. It was fascinating in her eyes.

         “Looking at the old poetry desk I see.”

         Ravyn turned to see someone standing in her doorway. Harmony Brooks. His name matched his serene appeal, and she always wondered how he could be that way in such a chaotic world. He was six feet tall, towering over her five foot three inch body. He seemed to make any room, no matter where he was a little brighter, even though his clothes and style would seem to do otherwise. His hair was ivory white, dyed that way on purpose. She loved how his icy blue eyes and white hair seemed to make him look like a snow god. She blushed a little when it finally registered that he had said something. She fixed her gaze back to her desk, not wanting him to know that she was staring.

         “As always.” Ravyn replied, not knowing what else she could say.

         Harmony walked, or rather glided in her opinion, over to where she was standing. She instinctively moved away from him, not wanting to accidentally faint by being overwhelmed with his presence. He and his father had moved next door to her six months ago after his parents divorced. His father had moved to the neighborhood to start over and to find himself, or at least those were his words. Ravyn had seen him moving in and instantly knew she was going to fall for the guy that was so much like herself. Misunderstood.

         “Some of these are actually good. At least, the ones you have let me read.”

         Ravyn shrugged and sat down on the edge of her bed. She knew he was referring to the fact she jerked certain ones out of his hands when he attempted to read them. Maybe it was the fear that he would find out her true feelings for him that fueled that need for privacy. She watched as he paced across her room, noting the slight differences in her room since the last time he had entered.

         “I’m surprised Mom let you come up here. Lately she has been all over me about having company that she deems to be a bad influence.” Ravyn said, breaking the silence in the room.

         Harmony smirked, now staring directly into her eyes. Ravyn blushed a little, and turned away, hoping he did not see. She looked out the window, the rain still pounding onto the window pane. She looked back over at him, sure that her face was pale and colorless once more.

         “Who says I let her see me?” Harmony replied, a note of playfulness in his voice.

         Ravyn shook her head, and pointed toward the door. Her mother had tendencies to show up at random times, and she for one did not want to suffer the wrath of her. Harmony walked over and closed the door, careful not to let it slam. He smiled and walked over to her desk chair, shaking his head as he did so. She knew exactly what that gesture mean. Pathetic.

         “Do you always do what momzy says?” he inquired, knowing that it would only stir her up.

         Ravyn shot him a cold look, getting her message across. Although Harmony could be the most serene person, he tended to have a side to him that was fierce to say the least. She had always been attracted to that side of him, though not quite as much as the serene, flawless side. He seemed amused by her reaction, but hid it so well, she almost could not decipher it. He loved to toy with her, and she never could figure out why. Was she that vulnerable?

         “What the hell do you want, Harmony?” she shot at him, now a little more revved up, “Why do you come over here and act like you are my best friend then pull that kind of crap?”

         Ravyn knew he had not expected her outburst, and she had not expected it either. She blushed a deep red with embarrassment. She turned away, tears filling her eyes. She almost ran out of the room, but was afraid her mother would come and check on her only to discover the “hell child” from next door was in her home without her knowledge. She heard the soft creak of her computer chair, and turned to see Harmony standing before her. She hung her head low, not wanting him to see the tears she was crying because of him. She felt his cool hand touch her warm face, and it sent chills down her spine. She had the overwhelming urge to faint, but steadied herself, not wanting to be embarrassed any further.

         “I want you.” he whispered. The words touching her like butterfly wings across her body.

         He quickly removed his hand and made his way out the door. She almost burst into tears, hearing words she never thought would come out of his mouth. Had she heard them? The thought occurred instantly in her mind. She had wanted to hear those words for so long and now she believed she had imagined him saying them. She turned toward the window and watched as he walked through the rain. He paused at his gate and looked up to her window, their gazes meeting. She turned away, hoping those words had been real.