the way love goes

It walks in with a smile, says goodbye and leaves with shrunken shoulders.

I was determined to finish the task at hand, to get lost in the only peace I knew.

I couldn't.

It hurts to watch a beautiful dream die. It is never quick and painless. It's not like finding the dead baby horse, stepping over it, crying and taking it away, peeling the placenta from the bloodstained earth. No.

Its final result takes longer than one cold hard night.

A dream dies slowly in sunsets and tears and wishes and dreams and prayers.

Love never goes. It stands naked to face the dawn with no hand but faith to hold, spaces to look at, and whispered pleas to find the courage to dream again.

And is love really all that selfish?
I prayed to let you go.
I prayed to keep you near.
I prayed for you to love me.
I prayed to love you in a different way.
I prayed to be a good friend to you,
that you would always be my friend.
I don't want to fool myself
but this is not about me.

It never was.

Now I just pray. And I look at you, so close, so far, a dream I once saw. A man I once knew. A friend I still have, gratefully. I sometimes feel that I haven't stepped over you yet. Maybe I need to stop looking at this messy heartbreak, clean it up, once and for all. The nights are no longer cold. I still have your hand in friendship. It's this damn dreaming thing. This we were meant to be crap. If you gave me one ounce of hope I would walk to the end of the earth for you. So instead of that, I just go about my days, try to ignore the whisper in my heart, let it be, and concentrate on the task at hand. Living. Learning. Reaching.

The days have been so dark, sometimes painfully bright, yet, I am still here.