My world as a young mom

To start I have had three kids two boys and one girl. Yes, My first son I gave up meaning I let other people rise my son with their ways of rising kids. He was born May 9th 2005. He was healthy and very small for his age. He was 6 lbs 6 oz and 20 inch long.
People keep telling me very day that must been the hardest thing to do give up your only. Yes, at first it was hard and after about a year I moved in to a small one bedroom house. Small yes but I had a room of my own to sleep in again. Right before my first son turned one I was pregnant with my second child but no know it. After about five months of being sick all the time I be side to go to the doctor and that day I found out I was pregnant with my second child.
About four months later I had my second son and yes I did keep him just cause I could give up my second son again. He was born December 12th 2006. He was 6 lbs 10 oz and 21 inch long. He was very healthy for his size. But he was yellow tint to his skin meaning I had to give him a Bilateral blanket even time he was awake to help with it. I had to do that to him for three months Intel the doctor said to stop he was good.
Then after the boys turned two and just about 6 months old.Then in June I got pregnant again without know it again. But this time I found out at less some with that one. I found out in late fall almost summer. This time with me having already two kids before I was on high risk just cause I almost loss that pregnant do to how much I was working and dealing with a under a year old on top of it.
My doctor told me I’ll be find but I know in my gut there was going to be something wrong with this child. My second son turned one and the about a month and 26 days later I had my daughter. She was born on Feb 7th 2008. She was 7 lbs and 6 oz and 20 inch long. She was healthy too like all the other kids.
But the problem was not with her it was with me. Just cause I was high risk I delivery when good but I lost a lot of blood i had to have three pints of blood to save my life. I wish I could like the people that gave the blood for me. I was scared the I was going to dead on the table and my kids would grow up without your be loved mommy. I did not get to see my daughter in tell the next day just cause I was not about to hold her from losing so much blood. I was in the hospital for three days and my daughter was a loud to leave after two days.