The Wacky Adventures of Chris and Dave

Chris: yo, Dave, hey dude whats goin on?
Dave: oh, hey Chris, nothing much ya know just standing here, you?
Chris: same…same…ya know this is a nice house
Dave: Sure is
Chris: Those folks are lucky to have it
Dave: Yep
Chris: Well what’s the game plan I’m starvin
Dave: Hmm I heard that Greg was planning on trying to bust a window or something
Chris: Oh that could work
Dave: yeah cept the windows are boarded up
Chris: Greg’s a dumb ass
Dave: No shit
Chris: hey what if we tried to climb onto the roof and like ripped a hole in the ceiling I saw that in a movie once
Dave: most of us can hardly walk how you expect us to climb
Chris: Fuck…didn’t think of that…well I’m outta ideas
Dave: I was thinking that we could just wait till they ran outta supplies and shit then they’d be forced to come out
Chris: Dude that could work but I’m hungry now
Dave: well maybe if you were a bit more patient
Chris: oh I’m so fucking sorry, Dave
Dave: You’re a dick, Chris
Chris: I know

-A few hours later-

Chris: Dave?
Dave: yes?
Chris: dude is that Sandra?
Dave: yeah
Chris: I used to have a crush on her in high school
Dave: awesome why don’t you go say hi
Chris: umm she’s got like ten other dudes around her
Dave: don’t be such a puss Chris
Chris: hey I’m just saying if she’s with another guy…umm guys…then it be awkward an-
Dave: pussy
Chris: go fuck yourself
Dave: oh if only I could

-a few more hours later-

Chris: dude, DAVE!, dude Greg just got shot
Dave: wha?
Chris: yeah dude check it out there’s a dude on the roof with a gun
Dave: bet they ran outta supplies and are gonna make a run for it so their clearing a path
Chris: it’s been only like 8 hours since they went in their
Dave: they eat a lot
Chris: sure
Dave: well any way lets move up closer in case he slips and falls off
Chris: sounds good to me
Dave: hmm looks like he’s a good shot he’s killed some of the others
Chris: just the ones with big heads
Dave: he got Sandra
Chris: bitch got what was comin to her
Dave: wow your so sweet
Chris: hey, hey, fuck you
Dave: lets just go try and make this go slip
Chris: HEY! YOU UP THEIR COME DOWN HERE WE JUST WANNA TALK
Dave: don’t forget your manners
Chris: PLEASE
Dave: looks like he’s going inside
Chris: oh the hell he is, HEY FUCK WAD GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!
Dave: he went in
Chris: god damnit, fuckin sky lights
Dave: it’s gonna cost quite a shiny penny to get that replaced
Chris: it’s gonna cost more then a penny dumb ass
Dave: yeah I know it’s just a saying
Chris: well don’t say it, it’s false information and might confuse some folks
Dave: god I hate you
Chris: mission accomplished

-night fall-

Chris: I’m scared of the dark
Dave: that’s sad, Chris, real sad
Chris: hold me
Dave: no
Chris: please
Dave: no
Chris: I’ll give you a kiss
Dave: …
Chris: please
Dave: hell no
Chris: awww
Dave: and you wonder why I think your gay
Chris: your gay
Dave: …..
Chris: your mom’s gay too
Dave: she’s dead
Chris: dude, she’s like right over there
Dave: exactly
Chris: I don’t follow
Dave: just shut up please

-day break-

Chris: ugh
Dave: what is it, Chris?
Chris: those fuckers over there were moaning all night long
Dave: umm that kinda what we do, we moan
Chris: well it’s real fucking annoying
Dave: tuff
Chris: I wish there was still room down there
Dave: I don’t, all that fire and pain I don’t know about you but I for one don’t like pain
Chris: yeah but I bet no one moaned all night
Dave: no they just scream
Chris: what ever as long as they don’t moan
Dave: yeah cause screams are way better then moans
Chris: that what I’m sayin
Dave: you make me want to punch babies
Chris: don’t you mean eat?
Dave: both
Chris: hard core

-hours later-

Chris: hey the guys back on the roof, Dave
Dave: well yes he is should we go say hi?
Chris: we should
Dave: he looks upset
Chris: I heard a gun shot come from the house in the night
Dave: hehe
Chris: what?
Dave: he must have had to shoot one of the other people in there like his wife or kids
Chris: and?
Dave: and that’s made him sad
Chris: soooooooo?
Dave: so he might want to end it all
Chris: cool but how are we gonna get him to come down here?
Dave: really now you can’t figure it out
Chris: hey sure I can just give me a minute
Dave: I’m waiting
Chris: erm…ummm…he’s gonna…open the door for us?
Dave: oh so close but no he’ll shoot him self and slide down the roof to us
Chris: oh…YAY!
Dave: look there he goes
Chris: yeah fucker die
Dave oh look at that
Chris: awesome now he’s gonna slide right
Dave: yep
Chris: I hope that shot didn’t ruin his brain. The brains the best part
Dave: I suppose
Chris: hey….HEY! he stopped sliding WHY’D HE STOP!?
Dave: he got caught on the gutter
Chris: well what’s the point of killing yourself if your body just gonna get stuck on a gutter?
Dave: come one Chris lets go
Chris: where we goin Dave?
Dave: I feel like going to the mall
Chris: and why?
Dave: cause I bet there’s some people there
Chris: yeah like in that movie, I love it when movies come true
Dave: me too