My Mother

My mother, my eternal heartbreak
the one I thought I could never understand
in the absences after you sent me to my father's
the promises you never came through with
the addictions that drew you away
and all of the words I came to ignore
the ones that never meant a thing.

And as I grew older, I needed you more
but saw you there less and less
I thought that I would die
deprived of the love of a family
after my father turned out to be a ghost
and his wife, a monster that haunted my days,
I broke away from the holdings
the ones that most people need to live
I threw away my wish for family
even though it hurt to let it go.

Now in my life I can see the parallels
my absences in important lives
my own promises broken to so many people
addicitions of my own that sometimes take precedence
my words that no one holds true
I see now why you went how you did
because I walk the same path
and I know I would be no different
to children of my own
except I will never have them
because I never want them to feel this heartbreak
and ultimately, this revelation.