Shortcut through Fisher Park

I decided to try something a bit different tonight. Something that differs from my normal style; something a little more modern when compared to my usual style. Please feel free to critique my work as I am looking for feedback of all kinds. Too short? Too long? Whatever comes to mind. I'm getting more and more serious with my writing and as such require that much more advice. I have proof read this story several times (so much so that I feel the beginnings of a head ache coming on) but there are always things that I miss. Without further ado give you...

Shortcut through Fisher Park

It was a shadowless night; the dark of the moon. Rachel (our victim for this evening) glanced briefly at the clock just above the nurse's station as she wished everyone a good night - it was midnight and her shift was finally over. The doors opened with a sudden whoosh and she stepped out into the parking lot of the St. Mary Corwin hospital. The darkened parking lot was a relief to her eyes, and the ache from the florescence inside began to wane slightly. Rachel breathed in a sigh of relief as she began her walk home.

A soft and cool breeze gently caressed her face, and the smell of rain was a happy reminder that summer had finally arrived. The fresh air was calming and relaxed her mind as she started to feel relieved from the stress of the evening. Police sirens in the distance reminded her of the many crimes committed in the city in which she lived - where people cared less for one another and more for what lined their wallets. Rachel began her journey home.

It wasn't long before she found herself facing a bit of a dilemma. She stood just outside the entrance to Fisher Park and was contemplating whether the shortcut was worth the risk. Criminals often used the cover darkness as a means of surprising unwary victims, but she had taken this route many nights and has never once been on the receiving end of such an attack. Always it seemed it was someone else. She thought only for moment when the pain in her ankles began to throb with envy of a warm bath and her body longed for a decent night's sleep. The temptation for quick relief was too great and she stepped into the darkness of the park. Rachel believed that the shorter the distance, the faster one will arrive at the destination. It was that belief that she all too often entertained throughout her entire life.

I'll just walk fast and no one will even notice me. As she passed through the entrance she felt the dark trees envelop her in what always seemed like an embrace. Rachel slowly disappeared into the parcel of land as if it had swallowed her whole.

Normally the sounds of the park at night would amuse her but tonight it was quiet, so quiet in fact that she could hear the rustling of her uniform as she walked. She found it odd that she could not hear a single insect chirping, nor the murmurous sounds of leaves in the trees. The deafening silence raised her suspicions, and against her own good senses she continued onward with the urgency that her aching feet required. Rachel found herself looking around cautiously; barely able to make out the silhouettes of the trees and often mistaking them for would-be thieves. She quickly found resolve in the matter, as she discovered that she was now about halfway to her apartment.

The sudden roar of thunder broke the numbing silence. Startled, she screamed as the lighten flashed. The burst lit up the entire park, revealing her true surroundings. The In that instant she realized that she was not alone, and perhaps had not been for quite some time. She saw many men, women and even children, all a ghostly white. She starred in amazement and fright as the lightning continued to light up the surrounding area. She quickly turned and found that these apparitions where all around her. Some near, but most a decent distance away. There where people dancing and swirling as if they were at some social event.  All of a Sudden Rachel could not move, she stood in place with utter fright and wide eyes trying to bring understanding to the event that was playing out before her eyes. When she could, she made a feeble attempt to rationalize the situation: must be my eyes playing tricks on me. This simply cannot be! The scream she let out had attracted a fair amount of unwanted attention as a group or two had noticed her presence. More and more of the spectres began to slow in their dream like dances, to give a glance in Rachel's direction. She could hear slight whispers carried through the air but could not make out the words any more then she could comprehend what was happening. Each in turn, the dancing couples and the children all began to stare in her direction until none were dancing and all had placed their gaze upon Rachel.

Rachel began to shake uncontrollably and could hardly draw in even a single breath. Her skin had turned on her and was now cold and clammy. Her movements were strained and slow as if gravity too had become her enemy. An attempt at clearing the vision from her sight was of no use; what she saw before her was as real as hard ground on which she stood. Her every sense was alive and she could feel her skin slowly start crawling and one hair after another each began to stand on end. It was as if time itself has slowed stopped completely.

The whispers soon began to echo and assaulted her mind as she struggled to understand what was being said should, the words prove her need to run. The language was her own, but she could make no sense of it, as if her own native tongue had become foreign. She could feel a rush come upon her as she realized that the shapes of these spectre's were changing. The supposed bodies and their clothing began to rot and melt away revealing the horrid faces that lay behind the glorified masks. What was left of them was rotted flesh and torn clothing. The men began to rip at what clothes and skin remained until there was only a faint reminder of their former selves. All the while the women tore at their hair as if even to them their appearance was a sudden astonishment. Rachel could easily hear the irritating sound of ripping ragged hair as the women tore through with worn nails. The children began to scream and cry and some fell to the ground as if seizures had taken control of their spectral bodies. The movements of all were slow and exact in a manner that made them seem almost out of sync with themselves. They were involved in a nightmare of their own. Rachel stood still and watched the seemingly involuntary movements in a trace like state for quite sometime. She struggled for a long time to regain control of herself, able only to grasp a sane consciousness for short periods of time. Rachel felt as if she too was becoming a spectre of the park, as if the park itself was the cause of this insanity and the trees were it's minions. Rachel fought the unwanted experience with every ounce of control that still remained, and finally she began to feel steady in her thoughts. 

Rachel could feel a explosive rage building up in the air and knew that tonight, should she stay in place, just might be her last. She felt a rush of energy come over her and a handful of the voices suddenly made sense. Cries of torment and looks of confusion played out as they questioned what had happened themselves. The cries quickly turned to looks of fury as they again one by one placed their gaze upon Rachel, as if the blame belonged to her and her alone.

Fear had taken over her entire body and mind, and her movements were strained and painful. She could hear the church bells ringing in the far of distance just over the screams. She consciously counted them one, two, three, four, she decided that if there was a fifth she would run. She closed her eyes and heard a fifth ring out louder than the last followed by the sound of thunder and birds flying off into the sky. She opened her eyes and quickly she began to run. It was then that she stopped and realized that the sun was rising. It was morning the night was over. She looked around and all that she had witnessed was now gone. To her surprise many hours had passed, but she was too tired to care. She collapsed on the path in which she was standing. At last her horrid night was now over.