An Awkward Situation

    "This is, like, retarded!" I heard Shanbara say from accross the hall while we were waiting for the assembly to start.  It had been called out of nowhere.  One of my friends had mentioned something about the kid tied to the pole last week.
    "At least we're not doing PE.  Makon McKraken always tries to punch me in the nuts.  He's totaly retarded.  Right, Ubuntu?"  said Michael.  It seems that Michael is the only person in our class with a normal name.  I wish more of us had normal names because there seems to be hierarchy in our class.  The stranger your name, the more popular you seem to be.  Although my name should be up there, I have the same name as an operating system, so its not original they say.
    "At least if someone has a heart attack we can save them,"  I say with a chuckle.
    "Like anyone paid attention anyway,"  Laquisha said, knowing that she and everyone else in our class had actually paid attention very closely.
    The doors finally opened after what seemed a lifetime of waiting.  We all shuffled into the gym strangely as one big mass.
      "Please be seated and be quiet,"  the principle said.  "Be quiet, please,"  he said calmly again. 
      "Jeez, lighten up, honky,"  a random Mexican kid said.
      "You shut your mouth and sit the frick down, beaner!"  Mr. Geraldatrinman yelled to Miguel.  Everyone sat down, knowing that if they pushed Mr. G too far, he would kick their ass.
    "Now, to the important problem.  Lately, John here has been tied to the flag pole, twenty-three feet up.  We must rid ourselves of this feudalistic view of your names, freshmen.  I would also like to know how you guys got him up there."  At this point, Mr. G was laughing so hard that veins were popping out his head.  Suddenly, he just stopped.  Everyone focued in on him.  He fell to the floor.  Mrs. Fintoad ran over to him and checked his pulse.
    "Does anyone know CPR?" she yelled out to the crowd.
    As if a magnet that pulled freshmen just turned on, every single one of the forty freshmen stood up and said heroically, "I do!"
    We all just stared at eachother, hoping one of us would just go forward.  Whenever one would step forward, it seemed the rest followed.  Now it was just awkward.  I just sprinted forward.  I came up to him and did the steps, asking him if he's alright.  Then I thought, 'Wow, he's gonna owe me big time.'
    Suddenly, his eyes popped open.  He threw me off of him.  Then he approached me and pushed me over and said, "I said to sit down and be quiet."
      "But you had no pulse!" I exclaimed.
    "Learned that trick in 'nam,"  he said, laughing.  "The charlie never knew what was comin' for 'em."