unfamiliar

There is a dull pain in me
Like a knife that's been stuck for years
And I just haven't pulled it out

A kind of numbness that was never foretold
I could have never anticipated
The feeling of my insides rotting in the depths of me

I hear my own voice and see my own reflection
I can't match it with the way I feel
Wonder what everyone else thinks when they see this face

I'm hollow, you know, vacant
There's nothing to me anymore except for memories
That are stuck, and kill any good thing that comes along

It's like goodness isn't welcome
A foreigner that's unrecognized and demolished
As soon as it sails through my heart

Because I can't even grab a hold of something good
I can see it, taste it, feel it, for a moment or two
But it's taken away, just like I guessed

There were back ups that I kept tucked away
In case I thought I'd need them someday
Thinking I could just wait a little longer until I really needed you

And you're gone. What went wrong.
I can make sense of the crazy thoughts I think.
But not anymore now that you're so far away.