An unfinished existance

An Unfinished existence…

This is a little story. Not a great story but a little story. Something that would not shake the earth or be dramatic, even surprising or let’s say thrilling. It’s just a story…..


James on his part did not have much against flying. He came from a place and time where flying was fanciful. Checking in, he looked back and realized that he had come a long way. 20 minutes ago, he was right at the end of the line and now he was just about there. Well just about. When Steve dropped him at the airport, he got out of the car and scanned the whole premise for an iota of Amelia’s smell or any sign that said she was or has been there lately. It’s funny how you get so addicted to people around you that you can pretty much associate them with a particular smell. Well James could. Yeah!!, he bloody well could smell her. And then suddenly he caught a glimpse of her hair bouncing against her back. He knew it was her. He tried to cut his way through the line and get in early. He was nervous, very nervous indeed. He had no clue what the day had in store for him. His face was suddenly flushed, his heart beating faster. The heat made his palms sweat. Was it just the heat?

In side the airport it was mayhem. There were people all over. And off course it was a long queue. He could see Amelia going through the security and he wanted to be with her as soon as possible. He had not seen her in a while now, well you would call a month a while…won’t you?
He pulled out his phone and dialed her number, not sure if she would pick up but hoping she would. He hated caller tunes, and he hated listening to Amelia’s. He had been calling her since they broke up, trying to make her see his point. Amelia had been very patient initially but soon gave up on her patience and since then all James had been listening to was her caller tune and it irritated him. This time to his utter joy she picked up.

For the past two days all James had been trying to do was convince her to do this little trip together and she had been declining. She even refused to tell him her flight details. But then James knew there was only one flight leaving on Saturdays. So he knew she would be around. He just was not ready to bump into her already. But post security, the first thing he saw was her. Leaning against a pillar, she was all occupied by her own self or may be contemplating her reaction when she would meet him, he thought. He reached over and tapped her gently on the shoulder. She turned around and smiled. James loved her smile. Innocent, child like smile. He smiled back, still trying to get a grip on his heart beat. He did not want it to be very apparent to anyone, not even her, that he was nervous. But Amelia could sense his anxiety.

She smiled and James started feeling calmer. He looked around to find a place to sit but the place was brimming. “ Too many people have gotten filthy rich ” he said out loud and suddenly realized his mistake. Amelia was looking at him with a strange “ Are you nuts” expression written large on her face. James just smiled. It was still an hour to go before they could board. Conversations had still not started flowing. He was feeling strange sitting next to her and not saying anything. Amelia probably realized his dilemma and looking at the departure schedule announced that the flight was delayed. She was addressing him when she said that but was sounding as if she was talking to everyone sitting around her.

James did not mind the delay. All it meant was some more time to spend with Amelia. Amelia, on the other hand was not sure if she should be happy or not. She opened her backpack and took out a book to read. James in his mind knew it would not be the smoothest flight. She still wasn’t talking. Flipping through the pages Amelia realized her mistake. She told James she had picked up the wrong book. He just smiled. “What a mess ….” he thought. Amelia was still whining. James on his part was thinking hard to say something. He turned around, still sitting, to see this old chap sleeping on the floor, oblivious to the world around him, scratching his balls. James turned back to face Amelia again.

She took out a travel guide. She was probably proud of her travel guide, James thought. It made her look like a foreign tourist. She started skimming through pages as James watched in silence. He would lean over to read once in a while. Almost always, entering her zone. Amelia did not seem to be minding that. “Not all that bad may be….” he said to his self. He was talking about places to see but he was just striking a conversation. It felt funny that he was trying indeed, considering that they had been seeing each other for two months and would end up talking for hours everyday. But since Amelia decided to call it off. Conversations had just dried up.

Out of the blues, the flight was announced. Amelia hated to be proven wrong and James could see her uneasiness. The schedule still showed the flight as delayed. But they had just announced it. James on his part tried to convince her that she was not wrong. The next big question in his head was what if she declines to sit next to him. He was hoping desperately she would not. Fortunately for him she did not.

Amelia was carrying a jacket along but it was too hot to put one on. So she was just carrying one. James offered to put it along with the hand baggage but Amelia declined and insisted on doing it herself. James smiled. The flight was uneventful. Amelia hated to fly and hence was sleepy for most part of the flight. She looked beautiful with her eyes closed and a certain peace on her face as she tried to sleep. James wanted to kiss her. He gently slid his hand right next to hers. Just brushing her hand, very gently. She did not react. He reached out and tried to hold her hand. She moved her hand away. James knew things were not the same anymore. He tried again, this time a little more resolute. She gave in. James felt relived. He wanted to hold on to her hand forever and never let go. She still had her eyes closed.

Amelia hated landings. But she survived….to say the least. They got off the plane. The moment off course was over. There was still a long drive ahead. James was not sure if she would let him do this drive with her. Amelia was hungry and wanted to eat so they headed for the café. Both ate light and headed out of the airport. Amelia had a cab waiting to pick her up.

Approaching the cab James did not know if Amelia wanted him to come along or was she bout to turn around and say goodbye. He was following her. She put her stuff into the cab and turned around to face James. He dreaded the idea of her saying good bye. Amelia on her part looked puzzled almost questioning the look on his face. She looked at him for a while and then broke the silence “ Shall we ?“ His sorry face suddenly came to life. He put his stuff in the boot and they started off. It was still a long drive ahead…James thought.

Ten minutes into the journey and James lit up a smoke. The windows were rolled down. Amelia on her part had been looking outside the window for the past ten minutes. No one was saying a word. James felt stifled. The lull seemed too heavy for him. Amelia looked at him and without saying anything turned to look away again. Her neatly done hair were now flowing all over now with the wind gushing into her face. “Why don’t u put a bandana or something. your hair are going to end up being messy…” he said. Amelia looked at him and smiled. She took a bandana out of her back pack and put it on. What worried James was that she was not warming up yet…

They had already been driving for two hours now. Conversations had started flowing. Things seemed much smoother as compared to when they had started out. James was ecstatic. He reached out and held her hand. Amelia did not resist. She moved closer and put her head on his shoulder. She had her eyes closed, Forming small circles in his palms with her fingers. She was not saying anything. James kissed her forehead affectionately. He suddenly felt the pain and anguish disappear. He always told Amelia that her presence was a sure cure for his agitated nerves. He did not want to say anything right now. He did not need no words. He wrapped his arms around her in a cuddle. He was not moving. He did not want to. He feared that his moving might wake her up and she might decide to go back to play stranger. With every bump on the road he would fear she might wake up. Amelia was not sleeping……

They had just hit the hills. The drive was now uphill. Amelia was feeling sick. She hated driving up/down the hills. She moved closer and put her head in his lap. Eyes still closed. James did not move. He gently kissed her forehead. She did not react. He started playing with her hair,.slowly brushing them with his fingers. Amelia was not moving. Another hour into the drive, James started feeling sick his self. Amelia was taking a little nap. He was feeling somewhat sleepy but he did not want to wake up Amelia. He slouched a little and placed his head on top of Amelia’s. She was still not reacting. He could feel Amelia’s breath now. He knew she could feel his as well. She was not sleeping anymore. But she had her eyes closed. James planted a peck on her cheek. He suddenly felt goose bumps on Amelia’s arms. She opened her eyes, turned around and kissed him.

Amelia had been sleeping now for 2 hours. The drive was about to end. James was worried yet hopeful after the day’s events. He thought he could pursue her to come back. He woke her up. She opened her eyes, kissed him and smiled. He knew he could die for this moment. James asked her to stay with her. “You don’t have an accommodation for yourself and you are asking me to stay with you…” she shot back. She promised to meet him later. James drove up to the city looking for an accommodation.

Later in the evening, James called up Amelia. He was standing outside her hotel. She came down looking all freshened up. James asked her again if she would want to stay with him. She declined. They started walking. And just like the inevitability, James started with the autopsy of what went wrong. He desperately wanted to win her back. His attempts were not going far too well. He hung his head and lit another smoke. There was the dreaded silence again. She started running her fingers through her hair. A heady mix of emotions and helpless took James over as he felt a tear roll down his cheeks. He did not want her to see it. He was too chocked, but still trying to hold on to his false pride. He looked up, tears in his eyes blinding his vision. She was still cold and hard as steel. There were too many sides to her right now. The one who kissed him during the day and the cold her, standing in front of him right now. He was not sure who the real Amelia was. “You might need someone right now, but you don’t need me” she broke the silence. “I am over you, the sooner you realize it the better it is for you. I had to leave and I don’t have the energy left to discuss it anymore” she said, all in one breath as if waiting desperately to get this over with. “You always had to leave” James mumbled. She started walking. James was still standing there as he lit up another cigarette. She looked back once as if expecting him to come along, then started walking. He looked up to watch her go. “Please don’t leave me Amelia…” he cried out. She stopped for a sec and then started walking again. “Wait up…” he yelled, almost running towards her.


She disappeared behind the huge Iron Gate. James was still standing there lost and wanting. He called her up. “I am going to wait for you for 5 minutes here Amelia. I can’t force my way around….but I am so mad right now that that I need to take it out somewhere. I am going to wait for 5 minutes Amelia and if you don’t appear, I am going to walk my way back to the city. How so ever long it takes me to, I will take that walk….” He said almost as if threatening her of dire consequences to his own self if she declined. Funny how we expect other to save us from our very own selves. Amelia never came back. He started walking, dejected. Looking back every few seconds, listening hard to hear her call his name. There was no one there. The bright light of the hotel soon faded away as he absorbed his self in the dark road ahead……