Figuring out relationships and rebuilding. |
FOCUSED HIGH the shadows have passed I rose over and beyond ... all the mistakes ... my mental bankbook of a brain was cleared and restocked ... with the same good intentions all prior errors were caused by ... I had set my self free ... the personal goals may have changed over time but the instigators remained the same I now see that I have tried but found myself unprepared for the war to come for the worst to come FOCUSED LEVEL we have levels of interest we know we can manage and fears that level our management of interest and management interested in our level of fear we fear that we'll all know we have no business trying to please everyone now hanging on to managing what I'm after by a thin slice of yearn slowly unweaving no I'm not making this up this time nor was I ever before it's happening again I'm slipping strong enough to see tomorrow yet wise enough to remember yesterday now putting it together for today seems to be the hardest part so why don't you just do it man you try when you're in my shoes being me it's never so easy ROMANTIC INTERLUDE my divine interpreted theory of love five points like five digits on a hand the fourth attached to a ring you eventually wish to see on that finger the fifth is life and love everlasting one hand has to reach the other first then press on the pivotal tips of the fingers rolling and budging enough to work its way down toward interlocking one after the other after the other until all five can join as hands eventually do now factor in all the people in the world who have to meet and start with a finger apiece pointing and personifying pushing and pulling with their own strengths weaknesses thoughts dreams and dilemmas and a willingness or unwillingness to budge rights and wrongs likes and dislikes sins and values combined with the ability or refusal to simply get along and play nice sure it happens and slowly but surely those hands lock and happiness forever after insues sometimes it gets as far as the fourth digit but the fifth never makes it tight never makes it right and so the union is broken and sometimes when looking to gain that first or second crucial point of contact we lose the sentiment that starts everything off well and sets in circle the motion you wrestle with so many people that your hand won't fit with anyone's no matter how hard you try no matter how soft or clumsy your hands are there's too many other ones out there to find one that fits quite the way you wish it would FOCUSED LOW sometimes I go back to where I was once happy at one point and try to regain that feeling but it's never the same there's too many varying factors that caused those sunny days before that can no longer be counted on as being there for any hope of reclamation of those moments only shells and sparks exist sparks are good shells are bad I've regrouped and retooled but haven't we all somewhere along the line I lose all sense of thought when the thoughts arose of what could be out of what was and where we are now I'm sure they've been thought before by everyone perhaps not like I've seen or haven't seen in their lives all my wishing hoping and praying has got me nowhere but lost down and out when all I wanted was a glimpse a foot in the door a Hi! How are you? and a smile first let that be a push toward wanting more not just the expectation of more and then some thinking at times is mostly a good thing when kept in check by understanding and realizing reality and coping with life as it comes to you in moderation |