Past indiscretions

Once, if my own memory serves me well. I had my life in its entirety strewn before me. A thing of great beauty, eclipsed only my choices, that would lead me on wanderings that would make all those doubting of my talents pained by their condemnation.

We lay beneath the shaded areas, whiling away the hours before our futures arrival. I lay upon the grass for hours, smoke clouding the sky reflected in my eyes with more than a passing familiarity of magnificent views on the horizon.

I wandered the quaint cobbled streets, and, as a child, admired the tramps so unwelcome on these consecrated grounds, so free to drift into the cities, answerable only to the dust that caked onto his skin.

To allay boredom, as many concoctions would be found to induce the delirium that could free me from classrooms. I sat often in abject agony, dying a thousand deaths, hallucinations, pains of such veracity would induce vomiting. My life drifted before me. I could never quite see the people through the fog, I woke up in offices, on doorsteps, in vomit.

My alchemy lead me to the tenement buildings, where all the people rolled on in colours and classes. To the universities, where they wandered a pale hue.


We hadn't meant to kill him, my friend. Who desperately sough to be lead to somewhere other than here. He'd never leap off a cliff, we'd never push him. Some, more than others, notice the lack of colour here. After sometime your eyes adjust, its hard to see what others see, in broad daylight. I often wonder whether the dead have dreams.

I crawl out my window in the morning to the washing line vine tangle on the roof tops, the sun floods into my eyes and he's there. For a moment. Laughing. Hazy days triumphant in my memory. Life paints a prettier picture for me than is palpable in my present condition. I want the story to role on. I need a happy ending but it's nothing more than meditations on the paint peeling on the window.

We drew lines between the past. A past that barely could connect together a picture of the here and now.