Life of connected meanings

When I woke up this morning, I do not believe it felt the same as other mornings. Today, the air seemed to fill my lungs rather than deflate them; the coffee in my cup rejuvinated instead of just being my habit. Today, would be different, as I would think about things for the first time, as I thought of them long ago.

You see, I came from a broken home, not unlike all of us, most of us. I often said I would write my thoughts, about life, about being a husband, a father, a mentor, but never do. Life has a way of keeping you from those things. Sort of like when you see a friend from years past, you speak briefly, and part by saying "keep in touch" but do you really mean it? Not really, as even though you "needed" this person at one time to help shape you into your today person, life does not permit you to make this happen. SO it makes me wonder, what are the real connections of life? Why are we here every morning? Is it to stand in a rut, watch and complain about other's, as we seemingly do the same things but from different angles? Perhaps we are here, all of us, not for being a friend, a good employee, a good boss, a christain, Maybe each one of us, is here, for one defining moment. One single, soul purpose, each specific in nature, but not to any one person is the pupose the same..

I think I found mine today. I think despite all the personal goals I have accomplished, the goals I gave up to be a father who stuck by his children at a young age when the trend was not to do so, where the MOST important goals of all. You see, that happened to me. Met my dad one time; I was thirteen. Coward is all I can come up with for a name. First time/only time we met, he came with two friends, a case of beer, and spent all of about 20 minutes alone with me. I have not heard from him since. Not a word. His brother came to my graduation four years later, his brother. Set's a tone in a person's life when one thing happens like that. I suppose I could have used that as an excuse to become nothing.
Where I went from that meeting, is for another time. But for now, this note, is about what I believe is my reason for being here. Perhaps some of you will read this, and think that it is Christain-tainted. I do not practice religion, but I know of it. I think my words will be practical. Think for moment, of what your greatest atributes are. What make's you unique, special, loving, evil, mean,? If you are any of these things, the journey began in just one day. It had to. It could not happen otherwise. In that one day, you became, whatever it is that you were going to excel in. You can excel for good things, or for bad.
My "thing" is that I do not give up. I will not give up. I do not ask people for help, I have a hard time doing that. I think I should seek advise sometimes about being a father, but if I was the only one on the earth BEING a father, I would have to figure it out, so I trudge on....

We all, I feel, Have to figure out a way to "live on" after we are gone. Perhaps by being mean, evil, Loving, unigue we will intertwine our life with another and make our mark on them. Be mean to someone undeserving of your anger, and that person will remember it always; the smell of the air, the glaring eyes of the masses, the shame for not shouting back. Show compashion to another, when no one else could bare the thought of doing so, and that person, will remember that moment, and perhaps, despite their lack of deserving of the kindness, passes it on and start a trend of caring from that one moment.... that YOU gave THEM.

My moment was today. My youngest son, whose mother I fought in court for seven years to keep custody of, had a breakdown today. He has had some school trouble, has had a little bit of trouble telling the truth to me, despite my ever-reminding of truth over consequence. He wrote a note today, saying that he did not feel that he deserved to be a part of this good family. He wrote that he is a screw up, and keeps doing things wrong and doesn't know why. He had tears in his eyes, as I read this note in front of him. He wrote that god put him on this earth to torment him only. He called him self a loser, that he should be able to learn things, and do things right.

So the moment I had was this.
I told my son, that this day, he was going to remember, and he would do that, becuase I was going to hold this note until he was a man, so he could see how wrong he was about himself. He said "dad" how can you know how things are going to turn out for me?
and I simply said this to him. "life is not easy. I know that you make mistakes sometimes, but you need to know, that even though that happens, you have me to help you. I'll always be there for you. Dad makes mistakes too. Yuu are a GREAT son, and if I had my pick, i'd ask for no other one but you. You are going to be a leader someday, just like I am for you now. You are important to me, and important to this family. Next year, you are going to be the oldest Kid in our house. Your younger sister is going to learn about how to get along in life from you. She is going to watch how you treat us, how you listen to us, and most of all, How you handle yourself in your day to day life. Life is all about choices. YOu can choose from this moment on, to do your BEST at whatever it is that you are doing, and have no regrets, OR, you can not try, not experience life at it's best, and live with regrets always.

Today, was a great day. Maybe the switch flipped in his head today, who knows? We had a great day today, and I hope that my real purpose in life, is to make sure that this boy turns out to be a contributor and not a taker. He is worth every minute of my time, and today, I made sure that he knew that.