No love

      Shawn leans forward and lovingly touches my lips. "Do you want to do something for me?" he asks, his gaze still focused on my now trembling lips.     "S-sure," I say looking up at him.     His green eyes switch from my lips to meet mine. My stomach flips in anticipation, he's going to kiss me... I just know it. "Write your love-song for me."     My heart sinks down to my toes and tears well up behind my eyes. I blink them away and look down at our hands and pull mine out from under his. "I can't write you my love-song just 'cause asked for it. You have to earn it," I say even though I've written at least 10 love songs about him already.     "Hmmm.....," he says. "Now what do I have to do to deserve your love-song?" I look up at him and see a smile playing at his perfect lips. I feel like reaching out and slapping him for making fun of me like that. I quickly look away from him. I even start to turn away before he stops me with his perfect words, finally comming out right again. "Is this love-song worthy?" he whispers while taking my hand again. He brings it to his lips and kisses each of my bony fingers. My heart skips a beat and my stomach picks back up on its gymnastics routine. I nod yes and look at him, not knowing what else to do. "Okay," he says after a few awkward moments of staring into eachother's eyes.. "I think I've got another thing that's love-song worthy." Shawn lets go of my hand and reaches out and puts both of his hands gently on the back of my neck and leans in close. Strangely, my body knows instinctivly what to do. I lean in towards him too and tilt my head just a little to the right. We don't connect right away and I get a chance to take in everything: his breath is sweet, the way he's holding my neck feels amazing and his grip is getting a little tighter, how my arms automatically wraped themselves around his waist, and especially how he stopped just millimeters away from my face and stared deep into my eyes. He kisses me very gently and my whole body goes numb. I want more, but he pulls away and looks down at his hands.     "Sorry," he says.     "Don't be," I whisper. His green eyes look up and connect with mine once again.    "I have one more," he says. For a few seconds I don't understand what he's talking about, but then I remember that he's trying to get my love-song.     "What is it?" I say a bit nastily.     "I-i-i.....," Shawn stutters. I patiently wait as he collects himself and closes his eyes. When they open, I'm slightly amazed to see tears making them glisten. "I love you." I stare at him in amazment as he stands up and starts pacing around the room. "There, I said it. I know that it's against the rules... no one says it anymore, they write there love-songs to say I love you. But I'm saying it Lilly... okay? I mean... what will it hurt to just tell them that you love them, right? I just don't understand it... especially now that I'm feeling what they don't want me to say." He walks over to the bed and grabs both of my hands. "I. Love. You."     I stare at him for a few seconds more, contimplating what to do. Words to my love-song for him come streaming into my mind and, before I can stop it, the lyrics come flowing out my mouth, my voice smoothly hitting all the note that I could never hit before. "All I need, is you by my side. The sound of your voice, takes my stomach on a rollercoaster ride. Just to know that you love me back is all I'd need to live through this broken life," I stop myself and look at him to see his responce.     Shawn gathers my face in his hands and gently kisses me again. "What you have is me by your side. I'll be there beside you on every single stomach churning ride. And yes, Lilly, I love you too. God save me 'cause I'm not sure what I'll do," he sings in a perfect, velvety voice. My mind finally catches up with my body, finally realizing what I'm doing. He sang back to me, and now he'll be waiting for that last part that everyone says. The part that connects in a way that only the lucky understand.     "I-i-i can't," I say while pulling away from him. "I like you a lot Shawn... I mean... obviously. But I'm not ready for that. Not yet." I expect anger, maybe even tears, but surprisingly, he just smiles.     "I'll wait for you Lilly," he says then gets up and walks out the door.