Failure

Quiet failure, silent pain
Hiding myself beneath the surface
Far away from wandering eyes
Hating the prying minds

Cry myself to sleep
Smile in the morning
Pretending not to care,
Trying to believe a lie

Have almost everything
I could ever need
Mother, father, sister, pet
And yet, I yearn for something more
Something more for me to hold onto
Something more to look forward to
Hiding behind anything I can find

Hear it everyday,
Say it every week,
"It'll be alright, just give it time"
We say it, so often
But do we ever know for sure?
If it'll be alright,
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Hurting, on the inside,
Crashed so many times,
Put on a smile and fixed myself
Then just kept sailing on again
No rest, no questions

Did what I had to do
Tired now, have to stop
Feeling it come over me
But grab the reins, pull them in
And just keep riding, can't stop
When I crash, no one has to know

Hide it, under the skin
Block it, keep it all so complicated
Nobody can crack the code,
But if they see inside...
Another quiet failure,
Strive to fix it

Fail.

One more time, strive to fix it
Fail, do it again
Finally, put myself back together
Holding that smile, even when I fall apart
Watching what goes on around me,
Failing to comprehend

Step by step, minute by minute
Hate myself, every second of the day
Can't stand this weakness, these decisions
A tear falls, and I hate it more
Laugh at myself, a laugh so cold and cruel
Everytime I fail, telling me I'm just not good enough
So I wait for the silence, it always follows
And though it eats me up inside
I'm forced to do it all over again.