Guilt

Zack loves Monica Lutz, so he thinks.  Now, watching her lie helplessly hooked up to IV’s and heart monitors, she was beginning to look less like the woman he fell in love with so many years ago.  He could still vividly remember the night she had collapsed on stage while accepting an Oscar for a screenplay he had written.  Occasionally the intercom would take over the silence and call a Code Blue to room 304.  Now, here he is at her side with the increasingly annoying beeps of the heart rate monitor, completely lost in what to do or what to believe.

His mind is far off in another world as he stares at the Mylar balloons slapping against the window from a strong, cool breeze from the vent just above them.  His fantasy world is composed of memories, some good and some bad.  So many nights were wasted when he would stay up in order to finish a script for her next big movie, or when he would proofread her novels and end up re-writing the entire thing because it was garbage.  None of that seemed to matter anymore however because it just seemed too childish to worry over such petty things while she was laying here, barely clinging to life.

The machines flat lining brings him back to reality as he taps the call button out of habit.  Once again…

“Code Blue Room 304, Code Blue Room 304.”

The all too familiar voice rains down on his ears from the ceiling as a doctor rushes into the room and quickly begins working to bring her back.  A nurse follows shortly after and makes it to her side just as the machine falls back into a steady beat pattern. 

“How is she doing doctor?”  The nurse asks with a hint of worry in her voice.

“Not so good I’m afraid.”

“There has to be something we can do.”

“All we can do is wait it out.”  The doctor answers grimly.

The doctor pulls open the door and walks into the hallway as the nurse pushes the hair out of Monica’s face and shakes her head as a tear rolls from her eye.  Zack sits idly by waiting for a sign that everything is going to be all right or at least a sign that nothing will ever be the same.

“Are you her boyfriend?”  The nurse asks, startling Zack.

“Um…  Yeah, well, sorda.  In better times.” 

“It must be hard; she is such a wonderful person.”  The nurse voices.

“Yeah, truly wonderful.”  Zack begins with a sigh as he stands up and walks towards the window.  He pushes the blinds to the side with one hand and lookes out over the lawn.  The day is beautiful and guilt washes over him for feeling as if he should be outside enjoying it instead of in here waiting for her to die.  It has been two weeks and every second she has been here, he has remained by her side through them all hoping with everything he has left that she will wake up in the end.

“Is anybody else going to be able to make it to see her?”  The nurse asks shaking him from his daydream.  He turns around slowly and slides his hands into his pockets and shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s hard to say really, everyone she knows is always so busy, it’d be good if someone would come to see her off…”

“See her off?  What, do you not think she has the power to pull out?”  The nurse chimes offended.

“Huh, no it’s not that but it’s been two weeks and everyday she looks paler and everyday more and more nurses and doctors rush in here trying to save her.  If she doesn’t pull out soon, I don’t know what’s going to happen to her.”  Zack says and drifts back towards his chair as a man comes bursting through the door chattering on a cell phone.

The man ducks as he comes into the room and the buttons on his jacket are seemingly about to explode as he rushes to the woman’s bedside.  He runs his fingers through her hair and grabs her hand.

“How long Zack?”  The man questions and looks back down towards the woman.

“A little over two weeks Mr. Lutz.  With any luck she’ll be back with us within a few days.”  Zack says and walks to Monica’s bedside and shakes her father’s hand.

“One second,” Mr. Lutz says and he walks away from the bed a few feet, “yeah, uh huh, look I can’t really talk right now.  Why not?  My daughter’s dyin’ over here.  Yeah, yeah, I’ll give her your good wishes.  Yeah, all right, lunch in forty-five minutes at that place on Park Ave that you like so much, my treat.  Bye.”

Mr. Lutz walks back to the bed and the nurse steps back out of his way.  He stands for a moment holding his daughter’s hand with his eyes closed.  He quickly shoots a glance at Zack and nods his head towards the door.  Zack follows Mr. Lutz to the door and steps out following him after Mr. Lutz opens the door.

“Look Zack, you know I love my daughter.  Care for her more than any other person in this world, but I really must get going.  There’s too much I have to handle now that she’s down for the count.  You know what I mean?  If she should go out before I get back tomorrow then just tell them I’ll be here tomorrow to deal with her remains.  Thanks kid, call me if anything goes wrong.”  And with that, his voice trails off and Zack turns back around and enters the room once more.

The machines flat line again.

“Code Blue Room 304, Code Blue Room 304.”

But this time it is all too much for Zack to handle and he steps out of the room just as two doctors rush in.  Zack walks to the sitting area and grabs a styrofoam cup and pours himself a warm cup of coffee.  He walks to the window and peers out at the crowded parking lot while casually sipping on his coffee.  Moments later he turns from the window and walks back over to the table of snacks.

Once there, he picks apart a donut and finishes off his coffee.  He turns back towards the hallway that will lead him to her room and starts walking towards it just as the two doctors and the nurse walk out pushing a gurney with a white sheet covering a lifeless Monica Lutz.  He runs to greet the hospital staff and puts a hand up to get them to stop.

“Wha--What’s going on here?”  He asks, tears building in his eyes.

“We regret to inform you that Monica has passed away.  She put up a great fight but it was just too much in the end.  We’re terribly sorry sir.”  The doctor says with almost no emotion at all.

“Doc, what happened?  What was it that killed her?” 

“Her collapse was due to dehydration, what put her in a coma and kept her there until this point, we aren’t really sure at this point in time.  An autopsy will be preformed.  I assume you will be here to file the necessary paperwork.” 

“No, her father is coming in tomorrow; he’ll take care of it all then.  Thank you for your help doctor.”  Zack says and walks off towards her room.  He opens the door and notices the balloons, still slapping against the window in the breeze.  He grabs a hold of their strings and carries them with him out of the room.

The doctors hadn’t known what had ultimately killed Monica, but Zack had a feeling.  Perhaps it was guilt.  Guilt for all the times she took credit for the things he authored for her success.  All the late nights staying up to make her famous had paid off in a sinister way.  Maybe the guilt had finally run its course.  But, whether it was guilt or not didn’t really matter to Zack.  In truth, he lost somebody who was important to him.  Regardless of the things she had done, she was still his first true love.  He would never forget that.

He flips open his cell phone and dials her father’s phone number.  It rang a few times before Mr. Lutz finally picks up at the other end.  He finally arrives at the entrance and pushes open the door to cross over to the outside world.  There, he looks up at the sky and smiles.  For all the things that had happened to him, he was grateful that he was still standing.

“Mr. Lutz, Monica just passed away.  I’m sorry sir.”  And with this, he let go of the balloons and watched them disappear into the sunny sky.