Let go

Let go




The sun shines brightly on my face. I watch as people walk by with their dogs, children, and i wonder what their problems are, what they'll do when they get home. I always wonder what everyone else would do in my position, what their thoughts would be. It'd be a great thing to be able to see everyone elses lives as well as our own. I wouldn't call it spying, i'd call it observing the world.

The bed is empty next to me. My mind flashes back to when there was someone beside me in that bed, her golden hair being the only thing i'd stare at in the mornings. I yearned for her back, for to see her face again, that perfect body of hers and the scent of her expensive perfume. I knew i'd never see her again. She was gone. My insane obsession with her and saying 'I love you' too many times, drove her to a better man, a stronger more resiliant man. Someone who probably had a lot of money too. At the end of the day it was always about money, muscles and who had the bigger appartment. I can't compete with someone like that.

The cork pops out and rolls behind a chair in the corner of the room. Instead of getting a class, i drink it from the bottle. I've never been a fan of whine, but i'll do anything to make it go away, drink anything to stop the images of her in my head. The part that drives you full throttle to darkness is knowing you will never see that special someone again, realising she's actually gone and you're not imagining it. Acceptance is the hardest step.

My body drops to the floor, my legs no longer working. I'm so tired that i just want to go asleep and wake up a few day's later, weeks even. I wish that she would come back to me, that the front door would creak open, and she'd walse into the room and save me from total darkness, from the fear of being alone and bitter for the rest of my life. I believe in miracles, but i still knew she wasn't coming back. Why did i keep reminding myself, hurting myself by not blacking her out of my mind? Could it be... that i actually loved her, that i kept her for more than just waking up to her shiney hair and beautiful breasts? Is this love? Feeling constantly down on your luck, wishing that your problems could be solved with a bottle of cheap whine.

God seems to continue on torturing me, maybe until i solve the riddle of love or how i can forget, forget the memories and mornings that i always wanted to remember. There is a dark cloud that looms over me, a cloud that i fear, if i don't make a decision soon, will consume me. Although, my options are ranged to only two. One, i can travel to the end of the world and back to find her. Two... i can let go. I chose to let go of everything that belonged to her, everything that kept her in my thoughts and most of all: I let go of her existance.