The Lie

    There's a huge part of me that is rapidly growing to hate everyone who has ever made me believe in love. Everyone who has ever made me believe in the lie.
         
    How do I keep breathing, how do I keep putting one foot in front of the other when my heart has been ripped out of me? How do I move forward when the person I love has made the choice to stop loving me? How can I not see my children as symbols of the LIE? How can I not feel that God has lied to me by making me hope for something that I could never have? How can I not hate my parents for making me believe in something that I could never have?

    How do I justify investing my heart and my life in a lie? How can my life go on when the person I love doesn't love me? How can I cope with such pain when the one person I want comfort from has no comfort to give - no desire to comfort me? How is it possible to hate someone that I love so much? How can I face the reality of this when the only thing I want to hear is, "Wake up, sweetie, you're having a nightmare"?
         
    How can I face tomorrow when the future I looked forward to has been shattered to a million pieces and scattered to the wind? A future GOD PROMISED ME AND MADE ME BELIEVE IN. How can I keep going for my kids when I have nothing to give? How will I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again knowing that I am unworthy of love?
         
    How can I keep believing in a God who would let this happen? I pray for my marriage and this is my answer? I commit my life to God and His will and this is what happens? I commit myself to obeying God and this is my reward? I was promised a strong and healthy, passionate, loving partnership if I committed my life and my marriage to Him.
         
    How can I push myself through the pain when it keeps hitting me like a tidal wave over and over again?