I Struggle

i struggle
and struggle alone
and as i do
i take time to scent
that which pleases my senses
breathe in that
which give lung and lungs
a favorable report
court with the fair and foul
in all its pleasantry and toxicity
realize that life within life
that cycle which proceeds unheeded
to its deepest destination
a place where time is but a
wave in passing
casting confetti in joy
and another wave goodbye
a cry deep in its soul.

I struggle
alone
but not as others
alone
those filled with others
alone
thinking themselves not
but so slow
oh so slow
to come around
to the sound of tears
rushing to the sound of
the broken, beating heart
torn apart by memories
lies and stories of fiction
contradiction and more lies
more tears
more cries
and the memories
the thoughts
of the distant WAS and
destiny denied
sighed and lowered head
future born and future dead.

I struggle
suffer, too
true
that of my mystery design
an unpredicted masterpiece
an unkept crease in the pant of righteousness
a miscalculation at best
mathematics skewed
clued not to my awareness
a slip of silent rage
of disarray
the chaos cannot comprehend
sending messages, postage unpaid
laid
stacked
packed
forgotten
rotten --- the stench unkind
to the senses
oh the corrupted senses
rebelling against the clean and clear
unsure of what to consider
consider dear
to the heart.

I struggle
my muscles strain
my brain fries in the oil of
creation's toil
a fruit to sweet to bear
stairing into the dusty corners
waiting for the train to
never arrive

The scent of the smoke
music to my deafening ear
and brakeless soul.