Take a ride with me

Driving along the soaked and water drenched dirt roads of the rez made me think of these constant curving roads as veins thirsting for fluids to rejuvenate the body. The desert in dire need of water has had its fill and the roads are just one reminder of what can happen after a constant rainfall. I encountered many sinkholes the old caddy did want to pass and did the remainder of my drive leading the driver of the car on foot.

I think the higher power knew my intense need to get to the place I was going and so he kept the light out for me. I pushed the driver onward having her drive through the waist high weeds that have now sprung to life over a very thirsty desert. I got lost which is an easy thing for someone like me who only came to know this rez over the last five years.

The sun was just begging to set as we drove up to the burial grounds. Most would get the willies, turn their head to look behind them not many go to visit the past at night. I normally would not be cruising the roughed up roads to visit the dead after dark but today was a birthday and I was not going to miss it.

Able to drive right up to the grave we left the car lights on and I could only hope the old caddy’s battery would hang tough. She did. My young driver seemed a bit in a rush came closer to me when the coyotes started their mournful night cries to mother moon who was coming to be in her fullest.

I got my youngest granddaughter out of the car keeping her in the car seat I put her next to the grave and got busy pulling weeds and blessing the area. Giving the uncles near by kind words and tobacco. I told the driver not to worry brother coyote would keep his distance and we could have a quick visit as the nights sky turned into a vision of stars and a bright white light paid us in full a lovely view of Savannahs grave, her birthday a special day and I needed her to know we had come to her resting place. The words do not stand at my grave and weep I am not here I do not sleep played like a song in my mind.

On a rez one can not come to late to visit their lost loved one there are no gates that turn you away at he fall of night. There are no people or spirits there to pass judgment upon a person, so my blue eyes are just as welcome as any other color. The younger kids on the rez often find this to be a party place but leave the remains to rest keeping a distance. Rules are kept no one ever touches a grave in disrespect. I note I’ll have to come again and soon to pile more dirt on the mound, as it seems to be sinking a tad.

The sage I had left for my visits was of course drenched and of no more use to me. We lit a candle and I looked at my youngest grand daughter, as she played in her seat next to her cousin’s-resting place, very content and not mindful of the darkness around us. We sat out a birthday cake and balloons and a big sign happy birthday!!!!

Her grave has lots of birds I have them facing in each direction and plastic butterflies and flowers of all colors. Pottery and all sorts of things left behind from other visitors adorn this tiny grave making it really a beautiful place in darkness or light.

The Catholics have left their rosaries and candles showing bright colored pictures of the saints. The saints go marching on and on … I start to sing. Respecting all that come to visit my granddaughter. Although it looks as if no one has showed an appearance, as I pull weeds and thrown them to the winds. My driver looks at me funny as I talk to Savannahs uncles buried just at her feet, asks me why I give them my cigarettes oh I just leave them they know why. She shrinks yet again and comes closer maybe we should hurry the coyotes sound closer I shush her tell her not to worry we are safer here than any other place I know. I am really only worried about the drive home I won’t be able to navigate in the dark and on foot. I think of another passage I’ll take. There are so many roads they seem in the end to all lead to the main highway. I stop my worry and finish up my task at hand.

Songs enter my mind again only my Cherokee songs this time. I bless this place once again and tell my Savannah high up in the stars I miss her and love her and I’m, always here. I feel her and know she hears me. I think I have stirred up the presence of angels as blue and white lights meant for me dance across the cemetery. I look to see if maybe my little one sees them too. I remember the morning we buried her and her big sister looked to the sky and waved good-bye.
Children often see what others grown and experienced cannot. Pack it up I say lets get back home. I whisper I’ll be back ….  I will, Mother moon beamed her holy white light as we drove back via another route I still had to get out of the car and instruct her how to pass over some serious deep sinks. The animals of the night are all around me but keep their safe distance we are all one in sorts I speak to them from my mind it seems to be working. I don’t look back not in fear of what I might see but onward to set my soul free. Free of the pain and sorrow knowing I will see my loved one again each time it gets better. Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there I do not sleep… I am among the stars way up high and afar but ever near and forever dear. I am everywhere.
KELLY TAGABAN
Keywords: ever- lasting